Hard Habit to Break
As a liberal, I believe that people are fundamentally too stupid to care for themselves and need constant mothering so they don't stick their dicks in any electrical sockets or whatever. And let's be honest, conservatives believe the same thing. Except it's more like fathering. And after protecting you, daddy strangles his mistress and sends filthy IMs to your whole little league team.
My point is, everyone should agree that Mail Goggles is a good idea. Except for Paultards, who want to kill both mommy and daddy so they can stay up late jumping on the couch in their Guy Fawkes masks.
If Thelma and Louise were to drive over a plot of my inhibition level as a function of blood alcohol content, they'd die in a fiery crash somewhere around 6 gin and tonics. It's right around then when I bust out my Nokia E70 (with qwerty keyboard (TM)!) and start texting embarrassing missives with my grotesque sausage-like thumbs. Examples include:
-"i long for u"
-"i jus twant 2 cuddle"
-Lyrics from any Chicago song
-"it hurts tog o pee"
That last one was sent to "CHA CHA" (262 262) - a free question answering service - which helpfully informed me that I probably have the clap. Again?!
Yeah, so this Mail Goggles was pretty much designed for me, right? On paper, sure. But I have a few issues with it.
(I) Who goes bar hopping and then sends g-mails? There is no such person. If there was, he'd be in computer science and so wouldn't have any friendships to destroy in the first place.
I can't imagine this is anything but capital arrogance on the part of Google. No one sends emails when drunk. They send text messages. What I need is a little paperclip guy on my phone who pops up and says "Sorry, looks like you're plastered! btw, your liver called and is staying with her mother."
(II) Arithmetic is challenging when I'm sober, not when I'm drunk. See, it works in reverse for people with degrees in math. A good test for me would be to provide a 3x3 or 4x4 block diagonal matrix. Then I have to solve the corresponding system of linear differential equations.
"You can't take an exponential of a nilpotent matrix? You're schlitzed! Sorry, Dave!"
(III) I have to select the times I'm most likely to be intoxicated? The problem is knowing when I'm going to be sober. Why isn't there a "select-all" button?
I'm sure they will resolve these issues in the next release. In the mean time, know that "ur the meaning in my life. ur teh inspiration."
My point is, everyone should agree that Mail Goggles is a good idea. Except for Paultards, who want to kill both mommy and daddy so they can stay up late jumping on the couch in their Guy Fawkes masks.
If Thelma and Louise were to drive over a plot of my inhibition level as a function of blood alcohol content, they'd die in a fiery crash somewhere around 6 gin and tonics. It's right around then when I bust out my Nokia E70 (with qwerty keyboard (TM)!) and start texting embarrassing missives with my grotesque sausage-like thumbs. Examples include:
-"i long for u"
-"i jus twant 2 cuddle"
-Lyrics from any Chicago song
-"it hurts tog o pee"
That last one was sent to "CHA CHA" (262 262) - a free question answering service - which helpfully informed me that I probably have the clap. Again?!
Yeah, so this Mail Goggles was pretty much designed for me, right? On paper, sure. But I have a few issues with it.
(I) Who goes bar hopping and then sends g-mails? There is no such person. If there was, he'd be in computer science and so wouldn't have any friendships to destroy in the first place.
I can't imagine this is anything but capital arrogance on the part of Google. No one sends emails when drunk. They send text messages. What I need is a little paperclip guy on my phone who pops up and says "Sorry, looks like you're plastered! btw, your liver called and is staying with her mother."
(II) Arithmetic is challenging when I'm sober, not when I'm drunk. See, it works in reverse for people with degrees in math. A good test for me would be to provide a 3x3 or 4x4 block diagonal matrix. Then I have to solve the corresponding system of linear differential equations.
"You can't take an exponential of a nilpotent matrix? You're schlitzed! Sorry, Dave!"
(III) I have to select the times I'm most likely to be intoxicated? The problem is knowing when I'm going to be sober. Why isn't there a "select-all" button?
I'm sure they will resolve these issues in the next release. In the mean time, know that "ur the meaning in my life. ur teh inspiration."