The Return Of Him
Well This Certainly Is Weird For A Start Im Not Sure How To Type On A Computer Anymore And Apparently My Last Entry On This Rediculous Thing Was Around About 2 Years Ago. Wow Hard To Think Whats Happened In All That Time Without Stating The Obvious
Well First Things First Im Going To Have To Reintroduce Myself Because ... Well This Might Be The Same Journal But Im Hardly The Person I Once Was. But First Things First Im Going To Have A Ciggerette And Some Wiskey And Then Sit Here And Tell All You Oh So Lovely People About Who I Am What Im Doing Here, Whats Happened To Me, How On Earth I've Changed As A Person And How I've Stayed The Same. If This Doesnt Sound Your Sort Of Thing Can I Strongly Suggest That You Get The Hell Out Of Here Considering I Can Imagine Its Going To Go On For A Few Thousands Words And Im Only Up To Less Than Two Hundred. *Goes For His RefreshmentS*
Right Here We Go I Guess. A Brief Introduction I Believe Would Be The Best Place To Start As Ever. As The Title Given To Me Would Suggest My Name Is Keets, Which Originated As Far As I Know Back In Highschool Which Was An Abreivation Of The Bird 'paraKeet' Which I At The Time Took A Similarity To If You Can Believe It Or Not. Though As You Should Have All Guessed By Now This Isn't My Real Name, Nor The One That Resides In My Tattered Old Passport That's Permenant Home Is In The Back Pocket Of Whichever Pants I Have On That Day. My Real Name Is In Fact In Full; xxx xxxx xxxx. Few People Know Me By This And The Few That Do, Besides Family, Know I Prefer My Alias Of Keets. I Have Often Debated Purchasing A Deed-poll To Legally Change My Name To Keets, Or Alternatively To Respect My Parents Wishes To Retain My Current Name And Amend It So It Reads 'xxx xxxx Keets xxxx'. Strangely Enough For Much Of My Adolecence I Appreciated My Given Surname, Firstly Because It Sounded Nicely To My Ears. Then Later On Because I Felt The Two Parts Of It Made Up Two Parts Of My Personality; Namely A Personal Admiration For The 'Colour' And The Interest I Have In Fire. Yet After Years Of Contentment With This Name In Recent Days It Gives Me Some Discomfort To Hear It On The Simple Basis, That In The UK It Refers To A xxxx I Now Have Some Ill-Content With, Though Thats Another Story I May Or May Not Get To This Evening.
So Yes My Name Is Keets. Im TwentyOne Years Of Age. Im Roughly Five Foot Eleven Inches Tall. Naturally Blue Eyes, Though I Remain Adement That They Rotate On A Daily Basis In Regards To Their Pigmentation. I Have Long Hair Which Is In A Constant State Of Emergency Attendment. It Currently Resides In The Colour Scheme Of Blonde With A Few Purple Streaks, Though Its More Natural Tone Of A 'Mousey' Brown Was The Way For Many Years Before I Discovered A Passion For Changing It. Its Previous States Have Included Black, Black And Green, Black And Red, Black And Blue, Ginger With White Blonde Roots (A Disaster That I Had The Balls To Show To The World For A Few Hours). As You Can See The Theme Of Black Has Reoccured There. My Music Taste Hasn't Differed Too Much Upon My Last Update Of My Personal Information All Those Years Ago, Though It Has Expanded With Age, I Learnt Of Bands Past The Kerrang Channel (Despite Never Having Access To It). Its Now Consists Of More Subdevisions Of Metal And Rock, Ranging From GlamRock All The Way Through To DoomMetal. But Also I've Become Content In My Own My Mind In Regards To My Music Tastes That I Now Openly Admit I Enjoy A Lot Of The Recent And Past 'Pop' Music, As Well As A Large Amount Of 'Dance' Music; Though Primarily In The Trance Scene. R&B And Rap Are Admittidly My Least Favourites Of All The Genre's Out There, Not Out Of Any Predjudice But More Because I Find It Harder To Enjoy, Personal Choice And All That Crap. So To Summarize Im Medium Height ... Oh Yeah Im Skinny As Fuck By The Way Since I Left That Out. Weird To Look At And You'd Never Assume My Music Taste Was So Diverse If You Passed Me In The Street.
Right So Thats A Basic-ish Introduction About Me I Guess, If You've Bothered This Far I Commend You I Know My Excessive Use Of Capital Letters Often Plays With The Eyes Of Others As It Does WIth Myself, One Of My Little Quirks That I've Picked Up During My Life. So Yes To Continue With Our Tale, Why I Started This Journal:
Trends, Basically It Seemed To Be The Thing To Do To Start Blogging My Life, And Subsequently A Few Of My Friends Set Up Journals Not Long After Myself On The Same Basis Since I'd Rammed My Journal Down Their Throats Enough I Guess They Just Wanted In On The Action, This Isnt To Say Those Friends Are Devoid Of Any Ability To Think For Themselves. I'd Actually Personally Say Blogging Is One Of The Most Individual Trends Out There Nowadays Especially In Comparision To All Those Social Networking Sites Out There That Have Earned Their Creators Thousands Upon Thousands Of Their Local Currencies For Simply Connecting People Virtually When For Years They Were Content With Being Connected In The Real World. But This Should Come As No Suprise To Anyone Afterall It Would Appear That It's Inherent In Human Nature To Strive For Greed And At The Same Time To Surround Ourselves With People For Admiration Purposes In Nothing More. I Mean Afterall Just Look At The Mobile Phone/ Cell Phone Monopoly Going On Nowadays Its Quite Scary Really. That Noone Ever Needed A Phone For Years Unless You Were A Highpowered Buisnessman And Needed Something That Looked Like It Could Power A Block Of Flats. But Yet Here We Are Now When Phones Have Got Smaller And Lighter Have Camera's And MP3 Players Intergrated Amoungst Dozens Of Other Little Quirks That The Majority Of Us Really Dont Need Or Should Depend On ... Yet For Someone To Lost Their Precious Phone Is A Modern Equivilant Of Losing A Pet Or A Winning Lottery Ticket It Destroys Us Inside That We Can't Ring That Person Whose In Reality Is Only A Short Fifthteen Minute Bus Journey Down The Road. I Have One Last Point To Make On This Phone Topic Before I End This Tangent, Which Should Become Apparent Is Another Of My Quirks That I Have Trouble Sticking On One Point For Long. Phones Seem To Now Outweigh Real People, Think For Yourself, Just For A Minute, And Recall For A Moment When You Have Met Up With A Friend, Family Member, Coworker, Old Aquaintence, And During The Time You Two Have Been Speaking Someone Has Rung Either You Or Your Friend Up And The Conversation Between The Two Of You Has Been Put On Hold... I Mean Sure It Could Be Argued That The Call Could Be Important, Which Im Sure In Many Instances This Has Been The Case And Has Acted As A Posisitive Point To The Ownership Of Such A Telecommunications Device But Can We Not All Recall A Situation Where Upon That Conversation Wasn't Of The Upmost Importance And Infact We Could Have Asked Them To Call Back Later Politely Insted Of Leaving Our Companion To Sit There Awkwardly Whilst You Chat Down The Phone, Despite The Fact That You've Organised To Meet This Person Next To You And Then Left Them The Real Person For A Voice Coming Out Of A Box ... Now Before I Started Ranting I Asked You To Think Whether Or Not You Were Guilty Of Such A Situation ... I Am, And I'd Be Willing To Be Good Money You Are Too. Something To Think About Eh!!
Addictions, Shall Be The Next Chapter In Our Tale, Smoking And Drinking Primarily, Though Dont Worry I Wont Ask You To Strain Your Eyes Much On This One. I Smoke, I Smoke A Fuck Load, Excuse The Use Of Impolite Language But Its A Clearly Unpolite Topic. I Currently Smoke About Twenty Ciggerettes A Day It Keeps Me Going, My Brand Is L&B (Lambert And Butler) Silver. Though Recently Its Been American Imported Marlboro Reds. But Before Either Was Golden Virigina Rolling Tobacco, Which Was Recently Rekindled And Then Extinguised Again. But Drinking, This Is The Most Recent One, I Mean In All Fairness In The Last Twelve Months I've Had Some Dark Days And There Has Been A Lot More Drug Abuse Than In The Entire Of My Life Previous But Its Never Been Frequent Enough To Join The Highranks Of My Substance Abusive Nature. But Yes Alcohol, Once My Poision Of Choice Between The Ages Of Sixteen And Eighteen It Dwindled For Years To Come As No Longer Having The Same Buzz It Was Once Encased In. But Just Like The Drugs And The Terminator It Came Back With Avengence, I Made Friends With People Such As Dave And Ste And They Taught Me The Joys Of Drinking Till I Saw It Again On A Regular Basis, But As Money Dwindled These Nights Became A Blue Moon Occasion, Well That Was Till October Fourth Two Thousand And Seven, One Week Prior To My TwentyFirst Birthday (Which For The Record Sucked Ass, No Offence Intended To Those That Attended) I Drank Like Never Before That Week, And Again The Week Following, I Realised I'd Been Pissed And Hungover Every Night For Two Weeks Now, It Didn't Seem Wrong Yet It Didn't Seem Like Me ... But It Was Giving Me Something To Do, A New Vice That Didn't Involve Hurting Myself In Otherways That Havn't Been Discussed As Of Yet In This Journal Post. So I Continued To Drink, Some Nights Only A Nightcap Of A Double Jack, Other Nights A Bottle Of Wine, Some Day Times I'd Be Drunk Before It Was Lunch And Sober Before The Sun Would Dissapear From Wence It Came. And I Must Confess That I Don't Believe Myself To Now Be An Addict Yet Though It Does Worry Me How Much I Now Rely On The Stuff, (I'll Take This Time Now To Appologise For Apparently Claiming To Be An Addict When I Dont Believe It So) But On Conclusion Of My Alcohol Abuse I Must Endevour To Tell This, Like All Other Tales, In Full And With Falibility, So It Is Now, Barely, The Fifthteenth Of April Two Thousand And Eight, Over Six Months Since October And Its Been Nearly Two Hundred Days Since I Last Didnt Drink So The Question Of My Addicted Nature Remains Unanswered For The Time Being. Though I Will Endorse That Drinking Smoking And Drugs Are Parts Of Whom I Am, Though I Wish It Wasn't So, So I Dont Advocate Them What-so-Ever.
So Much For Being A Small Paragraph Eh! Sorry
Scars; Everyone Has Them, I've Had Some Since I Was Two, Others I've Had For A Matter Of Weeks, Some I Earned Being A Child By Nature When I Was One, Others I Caused To Myself Emotionally And Physically, With Words And With Knives, A Few From Ciggerettes, One Of Which I Let A Friend Give To Me, One I Got 'Saving' Someones Life, Or At Least Prevented Them From Getting Burned Badly, That Scars Hurts The Most Sometimes Because Of What That Person Meant To Me, And Even Doing A Deed Like That Will Never Earn Me Back The Love I Once Held So Dear, Some Of My Scars Look Like A Smiley Face In The Right Light, Some Only Really Show Up When Exposed To The Light, Some Bled For Seconds, Some Were Caused From Devastating Giant Public Mirrors In Single Punches And They Bled For Hours, Some Were Done To End It All, Some Were Done To Appreciate What I Had. Just Like A Palm Reader Looks At A Persons Hands And Can Tell You Your Life, The Past, The Present, And What May Come, My Arms, Chest, Legs, Mind Are All Parts Of A Subtle Canvas That Sometimes I Have Intentionally And Other Times Unintentionally Crafted, They Tell My Past, They Tell My Present, Some Connect To The Future And Others Haven't Been Made Yet.
Call That A Sick Metaphor If You Will, That Incisions Across My Torso Are A Canvas Like A Painting, But In Todays Society Where The Moral Fibres Have Been Dismayed And Tangled Up Placing Right Next To Wrong, Black Next To White And The Unseeable In Plain Sight, Where Genetic Engineering Is Being Used To Destroy Our Own Basic Natural Ascent To The Top Aswel As Being Used To Create Freaks Of Nature In The Name Of Art, Where A Rapist Can Confess His Crime And Still Walk Free, Where The Innocent Are Persecuted For Tiny And Insignificant Aspects Of Their Persons, I Suddenly See That A Metaphor Like The One I Have Created For You Is Both Unacceptable Aswell As Undeniable. Think About It Sometime.
Hardly A Normal Person Am? How I Hate That Word, Normal, Perfect, Love, Real. I've Argued In The Past Over The First Two And Why They Dont Exist, I Could Argue The Fourth Now But I Fear It Would Be A Waste Of My Time, And As For The Third, I Don't Even Know Why I Added It To The List Because Thats The One Fight I Doubt I Could Ever Win In Sharing My Perspective.
Hmmm Might As Well Get Some More Shit In Here While I Think About It. Job; British Home Stores, Work In A Kitchen, I've Made Recipies That Have Been Admired But Head Office Never Paid Attention, Been There A Long Time If Im Honest, Because I Have No Motivation, I Aim Too High, I Over Reach, And Every Time I Fail It Kills Another Little Part Of Me. Wanted To Do A Degree In Psych. But I Got Dishearted By A Professor Who Told Me To Stop Seeing Shrinks For My Depression Because It Was Getting In The Way Of Her Lessons, Find The Justice In That One, Where Someone Trained In My Disorder Casts Me Aside Like Its The Comman Flu. Photography Was My Hobby For Years But Its Become Too Popular Now I Still Practise But Never To The Same Extent, I've Hung Up My Lens' And Just Work With A Cheap Digital Camera, Not Even An SLR, Why? Well Because Its Pointless, Like I Said I Over Reach And I Will Not Take One My Remaining Dreams To The Outstretch Of My Fingertips And Watch It Tumble Down And Shatter Like Pieces Of That Haunting Mirror. Snowboarding, Now There's An Option, I'm Qualified To Teach Ya'Know. But Again No. Thats The Dream Of Loser, Sure It Made Me Happy, But A Job That Keeps Me In The Black For The Rest Of My Life Or Till I Break My Back And Keeps Me Away From The People I 'Like' (Notice The Avoidence Of The Third Word From Before) Where Is The Gratification Of Crying Myself To Sleep For The Next Ten Years Or However Long I Have Left. So Whats Left? No Dreams? No Hopes? A Shell? A Person!? Maybe Not That Last One. Just A Keets, A Personification Of A Tourmented Soul That However Melodramatic He Sounds, And However Good Things Are In His Court He Can't Ignore That Negative's That Are Present That The Others Don't See. Want My Life? Have It. Think I'm Complaining When I Have So Many Things Going For Me, Then I Have No Time For You, Material Possessions And Money Have Little Meaning To Me Unless I Can Drink Them Or Ignite Them, Good Family? Your Right I Do Have One But You'll Never See Them From My Eyes The Hidden Arguements The Destruction Left In The Wake Of The Ex-Army Officer, And Even With Those Instances Aside When Does A Family Come In Useful When Your Trying To Be Independant And Stand On Your Own Two Feet, Not Far, Every Ounce Of Support They Give You The More You Owe Them And Thusly The Further You've Come From Your Goal.
I Dont Expect Any Of You To Understand And At Nearly Three Thousand Words I Dont' Expect Anyone To Be Reading These Last Few Words Of My First Entry Of My Introduction. But I Will Say This Is Me Barely Scratching The Surface.
This Entry Is Dedicated To Ste Of My No Longer Living Chorley Life, You Were A Good Man And I'm Sorry I Never Came Back, But I'm Coming To See You Real Soon Man, No Matter The Cost. Slumber Well Brother.
Well First Things First Im Going To Have To Reintroduce Myself Because ... Well This Might Be The Same Journal But Im Hardly The Person I Once Was. But First Things First Im Going To Have A Ciggerette And Some Wiskey And Then Sit Here And Tell All You Oh So Lovely People About Who I Am What Im Doing Here, Whats Happened To Me, How On Earth I've Changed As A Person And How I've Stayed The Same. If This Doesnt Sound Your Sort Of Thing Can I Strongly Suggest That You Get The Hell Out Of Here Considering I Can Imagine Its Going To Go On For A Few Thousands Words And Im Only Up To Less Than Two Hundred. *Goes For His RefreshmentS*
Right Here We Go I Guess. A Brief Introduction I Believe Would Be The Best Place To Start As Ever. As The Title Given To Me Would Suggest My Name Is Keets, Which Originated As Far As I Know Back In Highschool Which Was An Abreivation Of The Bird 'paraKeet' Which I At The Time Took A Similarity To If You Can Believe It Or Not. Though As You Should Have All Guessed By Now This Isn't My Real Name, Nor The One That Resides In My Tattered Old Passport That's Permenant Home Is In The Back Pocket Of Whichever Pants I Have On That Day. My Real Name Is In Fact In Full; xxx xxxx xxxx. Few People Know Me By This And The Few That Do, Besides Family, Know I Prefer My Alias Of Keets. I Have Often Debated Purchasing A Deed-poll To Legally Change My Name To Keets, Or Alternatively To Respect My Parents Wishes To Retain My Current Name And Amend It So It Reads 'xxx xxxx Keets xxxx'. Strangely Enough For Much Of My Adolecence I Appreciated My Given Surname, Firstly Because It Sounded Nicely To My Ears. Then Later On Because I Felt The Two Parts Of It Made Up Two Parts Of My Personality; Namely A Personal Admiration For The 'Colour' And The Interest I Have In Fire. Yet After Years Of Contentment With This Name In Recent Days It Gives Me Some Discomfort To Hear It On The Simple Basis, That In The UK It Refers To A xxxx I Now Have Some Ill-Content With, Though Thats Another Story I May Or May Not Get To This Evening.
So Yes My Name Is Keets. Im TwentyOne Years Of Age. Im Roughly Five Foot Eleven Inches Tall. Naturally Blue Eyes, Though I Remain Adement That They Rotate On A Daily Basis In Regards To Their Pigmentation. I Have Long Hair Which Is In A Constant State Of Emergency Attendment. It Currently Resides In The Colour Scheme Of Blonde With A Few Purple Streaks, Though Its More Natural Tone Of A 'Mousey' Brown Was The Way For Many Years Before I Discovered A Passion For Changing It. Its Previous States Have Included Black, Black And Green, Black And Red, Black And Blue, Ginger With White Blonde Roots (A Disaster That I Had The Balls To Show To The World For A Few Hours). As You Can See The Theme Of Black Has Reoccured There. My Music Taste Hasn't Differed Too Much Upon My Last Update Of My Personal Information All Those Years Ago, Though It Has Expanded With Age, I Learnt Of Bands Past The Kerrang Channel (Despite Never Having Access To It). Its Now Consists Of More Subdevisions Of Metal And Rock, Ranging From GlamRock All The Way Through To DoomMetal. But Also I've Become Content In My Own My Mind In Regards To My Music Tastes That I Now Openly Admit I Enjoy A Lot Of The Recent And Past 'Pop' Music, As Well As A Large Amount Of 'Dance' Music; Though Primarily In The Trance Scene. R&B And Rap Are Admittidly My Least Favourites Of All The Genre's Out There, Not Out Of Any Predjudice But More Because I Find It Harder To Enjoy, Personal Choice And All That Crap. So To Summarize Im Medium Height ... Oh Yeah Im Skinny As Fuck By The Way Since I Left That Out. Weird To Look At And You'd Never Assume My Music Taste Was So Diverse If You Passed Me In The Street.
Right So Thats A Basic-ish Introduction About Me I Guess, If You've Bothered This Far I Commend You I Know My Excessive Use Of Capital Letters Often Plays With The Eyes Of Others As It Does WIth Myself, One Of My Little Quirks That I've Picked Up During My Life. So Yes To Continue With Our Tale, Why I Started This Journal:
Trends, Basically It Seemed To Be The Thing To Do To Start Blogging My Life, And Subsequently A Few Of My Friends Set Up Journals Not Long After Myself On The Same Basis Since I'd Rammed My Journal Down Their Throats Enough I Guess They Just Wanted In On The Action, This Isnt To Say Those Friends Are Devoid Of Any Ability To Think For Themselves. I'd Actually Personally Say Blogging Is One Of The Most Individual Trends Out There Nowadays Especially In Comparision To All Those Social Networking Sites Out There That Have Earned Their Creators Thousands Upon Thousands Of Their Local Currencies For Simply Connecting People Virtually When For Years They Were Content With Being Connected In The Real World. But This Should Come As No Suprise To Anyone Afterall It Would Appear That It's Inherent In Human Nature To Strive For Greed And At The Same Time To Surround Ourselves With People For Admiration Purposes In Nothing More. I Mean Afterall Just Look At The Mobile Phone/ Cell Phone Monopoly Going On Nowadays Its Quite Scary Really. That Noone Ever Needed A Phone For Years Unless You Were A Highpowered Buisnessman And Needed Something That Looked Like It Could Power A Block Of Flats. But Yet Here We Are Now When Phones Have Got Smaller And Lighter Have Camera's And MP3 Players Intergrated Amoungst Dozens Of Other Little Quirks That The Majority Of Us Really Dont Need Or Should Depend On ... Yet For Someone To Lost Their Precious Phone Is A Modern Equivilant Of Losing A Pet Or A Winning Lottery Ticket It Destroys Us Inside That We Can't Ring That Person Whose In Reality Is Only A Short Fifthteen Minute Bus Journey Down The Road. I Have One Last Point To Make On This Phone Topic Before I End This Tangent, Which Should Become Apparent Is Another Of My Quirks That I Have Trouble Sticking On One Point For Long. Phones Seem To Now Outweigh Real People, Think For Yourself, Just For A Minute, And Recall For A Moment When You Have Met Up With A Friend, Family Member, Coworker, Old Aquaintence, And During The Time You Two Have Been Speaking Someone Has Rung Either You Or Your Friend Up And The Conversation Between The Two Of You Has Been Put On Hold... I Mean Sure It Could Be Argued That The Call Could Be Important, Which Im Sure In Many Instances This Has Been The Case And Has Acted As A Posisitive Point To The Ownership Of Such A Telecommunications Device But Can We Not All Recall A Situation Where Upon That Conversation Wasn't Of The Upmost Importance And Infact We Could Have Asked Them To Call Back Later Politely Insted Of Leaving Our Companion To Sit There Awkwardly Whilst You Chat Down The Phone, Despite The Fact That You've Organised To Meet This Person Next To You And Then Left Them The Real Person For A Voice Coming Out Of A Box ... Now Before I Started Ranting I Asked You To Think Whether Or Not You Were Guilty Of Such A Situation ... I Am, And I'd Be Willing To Be Good Money You Are Too. Something To Think About Eh!!
Addictions, Shall Be The Next Chapter In Our Tale, Smoking And Drinking Primarily, Though Dont Worry I Wont Ask You To Strain Your Eyes Much On This One. I Smoke, I Smoke A Fuck Load, Excuse The Use Of Impolite Language But Its A Clearly Unpolite Topic. I Currently Smoke About Twenty Ciggerettes A Day It Keeps Me Going, My Brand Is L&B (Lambert And Butler) Silver. Though Recently Its Been American Imported Marlboro Reds. But Before Either Was Golden Virigina Rolling Tobacco, Which Was Recently Rekindled And Then Extinguised Again. But Drinking, This Is The Most Recent One, I Mean In All Fairness In The Last Twelve Months I've Had Some Dark Days And There Has Been A Lot More Drug Abuse Than In The Entire Of My Life Previous But Its Never Been Frequent Enough To Join The Highranks Of My Substance Abusive Nature. But Yes Alcohol, Once My Poision Of Choice Between The Ages Of Sixteen And Eighteen It Dwindled For Years To Come As No Longer Having The Same Buzz It Was Once Encased In. But Just Like The Drugs And The Terminator It Came Back With Avengence, I Made Friends With People Such As Dave And Ste And They Taught Me The Joys Of Drinking Till I Saw It Again On A Regular Basis, But As Money Dwindled These Nights Became A Blue Moon Occasion, Well That Was Till October Fourth Two Thousand And Seven, One Week Prior To My TwentyFirst Birthday (Which For The Record Sucked Ass, No Offence Intended To Those That Attended) I Drank Like Never Before That Week, And Again The Week Following, I Realised I'd Been Pissed And Hungover Every Night For Two Weeks Now, It Didn't Seem Wrong Yet It Didn't Seem Like Me ... But It Was Giving Me Something To Do, A New Vice That Didn't Involve Hurting Myself In Otherways That Havn't Been Discussed As Of Yet In This Journal Post. So I Continued To Drink, Some Nights Only A Nightcap Of A Double Jack, Other Nights A Bottle Of Wine, Some Day Times I'd Be Drunk Before It Was Lunch And Sober Before The Sun Would Dissapear From Wence It Came. And I Must Confess That I Don't Believe Myself To Now Be An Addict Yet Though It Does Worry Me How Much I Now Rely On The Stuff, (I'll Take This Time Now To Appologise For Apparently Claiming To Be An Addict When I Dont Believe It So) But On Conclusion Of My Alcohol Abuse I Must Endevour To Tell This, Like All Other Tales, In Full And With Falibility, So It Is Now, Barely, The Fifthteenth Of April Two Thousand And Eight, Over Six Months Since October And Its Been Nearly Two Hundred Days Since I Last Didnt Drink So The Question Of My Addicted Nature Remains Unanswered For The Time Being. Though I Will Endorse That Drinking Smoking And Drugs Are Parts Of Whom I Am, Though I Wish It Wasn't So, So I Dont Advocate Them What-so-Ever.
So Much For Being A Small Paragraph Eh! Sorry
Scars; Everyone Has Them, I've Had Some Since I Was Two, Others I've Had For A Matter Of Weeks, Some I Earned Being A Child By Nature When I Was One, Others I Caused To Myself Emotionally And Physically, With Words And With Knives, A Few From Ciggerettes, One Of Which I Let A Friend Give To Me, One I Got 'Saving' Someones Life, Or At Least Prevented Them From Getting Burned Badly, That Scars Hurts The Most Sometimes Because Of What That Person Meant To Me, And Even Doing A Deed Like That Will Never Earn Me Back The Love I Once Held So Dear, Some Of My Scars Look Like A Smiley Face In The Right Light, Some Only Really Show Up When Exposed To The Light, Some Bled For Seconds, Some Were Caused From Devastating Giant Public Mirrors In Single Punches And They Bled For Hours, Some Were Done To End It All, Some Were Done To Appreciate What I Had. Just Like A Palm Reader Looks At A Persons Hands And Can Tell You Your Life, The Past, The Present, And What May Come, My Arms, Chest, Legs, Mind Are All Parts Of A Subtle Canvas That Sometimes I Have Intentionally And Other Times Unintentionally Crafted, They Tell My Past, They Tell My Present, Some Connect To The Future And Others Haven't Been Made Yet.
Call That A Sick Metaphor If You Will, That Incisions Across My Torso Are A Canvas Like A Painting, But In Todays Society Where The Moral Fibres Have Been Dismayed And Tangled Up Placing Right Next To Wrong, Black Next To White And The Unseeable In Plain Sight, Where Genetic Engineering Is Being Used To Destroy Our Own Basic Natural Ascent To The Top Aswel As Being Used To Create Freaks Of Nature In The Name Of Art, Where A Rapist Can Confess His Crime And Still Walk Free, Where The Innocent Are Persecuted For Tiny And Insignificant Aspects Of Their Persons, I Suddenly See That A Metaphor Like The One I Have Created For You Is Both Unacceptable Aswell As Undeniable. Think About It Sometime.
Hardly A Normal Person Am? How I Hate That Word, Normal, Perfect, Love, Real. I've Argued In The Past Over The First Two And Why They Dont Exist, I Could Argue The Fourth Now But I Fear It Would Be A Waste Of My Time, And As For The Third, I Don't Even Know Why I Added It To The List Because Thats The One Fight I Doubt I Could Ever Win In Sharing My Perspective.
Hmmm Might As Well Get Some More Shit In Here While I Think About It. Job; British Home Stores, Work In A Kitchen, I've Made Recipies That Have Been Admired But Head Office Never Paid Attention, Been There A Long Time If Im Honest, Because I Have No Motivation, I Aim Too High, I Over Reach, And Every Time I Fail It Kills Another Little Part Of Me. Wanted To Do A Degree In Psych. But I Got Dishearted By A Professor Who Told Me To Stop Seeing Shrinks For My Depression Because It Was Getting In The Way Of Her Lessons, Find The Justice In That One, Where Someone Trained In My Disorder Casts Me Aside Like Its The Comman Flu. Photography Was My Hobby For Years But Its Become Too Popular Now I Still Practise But Never To The Same Extent, I've Hung Up My Lens' And Just Work With A Cheap Digital Camera, Not Even An SLR, Why? Well Because Its Pointless, Like I Said I Over Reach And I Will Not Take One My Remaining Dreams To The Outstretch Of My Fingertips And Watch It Tumble Down And Shatter Like Pieces Of That Haunting Mirror. Snowboarding, Now There's An Option, I'm Qualified To Teach Ya'Know. But Again No. Thats The Dream Of Loser, Sure It Made Me Happy, But A Job That Keeps Me In The Black For The Rest Of My Life Or Till I Break My Back And Keeps Me Away From The People I 'Like' (Notice The Avoidence Of The Third Word From Before) Where Is The Gratification Of Crying Myself To Sleep For The Next Ten Years Or However Long I Have Left. So Whats Left? No Dreams? No Hopes? A Shell? A Person!? Maybe Not That Last One. Just A Keets, A Personification Of A Tourmented Soul That However Melodramatic He Sounds, And However Good Things Are In His Court He Can't Ignore That Negative's That Are Present That The Others Don't See. Want My Life? Have It. Think I'm Complaining When I Have So Many Things Going For Me, Then I Have No Time For You, Material Possessions And Money Have Little Meaning To Me Unless I Can Drink Them Or Ignite Them, Good Family? Your Right I Do Have One But You'll Never See Them From My Eyes The Hidden Arguements The Destruction Left In The Wake Of The Ex-Army Officer, And Even With Those Instances Aside When Does A Family Come In Useful When Your Trying To Be Independant And Stand On Your Own Two Feet, Not Far, Every Ounce Of Support They Give You The More You Owe Them And Thusly The Further You've Come From Your Goal.
I Dont Expect Any Of You To Understand And At Nearly Three Thousand Words I Dont' Expect Anyone To Be Reading These Last Few Words Of My First Entry Of My Introduction. But I Will Say This Is Me Barely Scratching The Surface.
This Entry Is Dedicated To Ste Of My No Longer Living Chorley Life, You Were A Good Man And I'm Sorry I Never Came Back, But I'm Coming To See You Real Soon Man, No Matter The Cost. Slumber Well Brother.