(no subject)
As i began to type and type i realized this was too long for a bio so...
People ask me how i cope with everything ive done, and who I was... Did I not care I sinned daily and my reply to them is this...
·"In heaven all the interesting people are missing."-Friedrich Nietzsche·
Reading some generally interesting profiles and journal entries where thought was actually put into the content ive decided maybe its time i put something a little less generic and less point form format.
So what to say about me here, im kinda lost on words or rather i care way too much about what people think so i worry how i will make myself appear... but seeing as i have a few drinks in me I'm at ease at being judged because of my past.
And so begins my story...
I am a 23 year old male living in houston texas, i went to high school at Langham Creek.. in the attempt to be the first of my mothers sons to graduate...i failed...my sophomore year i began to use drugs on a daily basis...i would use them before school and after...then started using between classes and ended up skipping classes to use them...
I've lived on my own since I was 16years old, for the most part, (whooha for being a street kid)..became friends with a well known drug user and lived with him in a garage/ wannabe bachalor pad, scraping the bottom of my pockets to get by...
I've always been self destructive in that manner, when things are bad, i find a way to make them worse just so i will be forced to get my big boy drawers on and find a way out of my hole.
Needless to say being broke poor and not willing to ask anyone for help i ended up working at fast food business, doing more drugs to cope with my choice and in a major depression.. i completely sheltered myself from reality.. after some time i realized my life was going no where fast i made a rashional decision..on to wisconcin i moved... leaving my friends, family and drug using life behind..
Wisconcin was my window of opportunity.. I get to wisconsin thinking i will finally be free of influence and can reorganize my life and be clean and straight, but i was far from it. I was verbally and mentally abused by my former g/f..and when i became unamused by the torture i did some naughty things that got me arrested (if you know what happened consider yourself a REALLY good friend 'cause i dont really tell just anyone what happened) it was a huge crumbelling point in my life.. while in jail i began rehashing my past...my fathers abandoning of me, my prior continuous drug usage, etc...when released i went through another wasting relationship and decided to move back to my hometown..i had missed my family a lot
If you by chance are still reading this thinking you may comment im not sure that would be wise..
I dont know what to think about why this had happened.. im not sure i learned anything more than that i should remain cold and not let anyone in or maybe ive just learned to be careful .. who knows ive yet to figure out the why of all of this.
Ive had a hard ass life, i hate people trying to be a part of my life because i fear disappointing them, or hurting them with my mistakes. I have a huge shady area even im not willing to explore right now because it could ruin everything ive built up within me to stay strong.
Right now.. i cant decide what stage of my life i am in, I think ive hit some kind of block in my life.. im 23 and have no idea what my plans are.. its time to restart but im not quite sure where to begin..
Some nights i think i should just quit everything.. but i dont quite know what is normal anymore.. so until i figure it out ill take all i can financially and hopefully by this time next year ill have my shit together and hold a little less bitterness for all the bullshit ive been handed throughout my life.. who knows really where or what ill be the only thing i know right now is...
I am a walking, living, breathing contradiction.. I am everything I hate yet I remain who I am.
umm what else?? i have no clue
Funny convos make me laugh
keepxitxreal22 (2:47:29 PM): whats up
cinart_84 (2:47:40 PM): not much
cinart_84 (2:47:43 PM): u?
keepxitxreal22 (2:48:00 PM): bored:-(
cinart_84 (2:48:11 PM): i see
cinart_84 (2:48:28 PM): o i guess something is up.....want to hear this one???
keepxitxreal22 (2:48:34 PM): yeah
cinart_84 (2:48:59 PM): my dear dumbass daughter got herself knocked agin
keepxitxreal22 (2:49:13 PM): hah what
cinart_84 (2:49:14 PM): i am sooooooo pleased
keepxitxreal22 (2:49:18 PM): i cant beleive it
keepxitxreal22 (2:49:23 PM): yeah i bet
cinart_84 (2:49:27 PM): believe it
cinart_84 (2:49:47 PM): she called here to tell me..thinking that i was supposed to be happy for her
cinart_84 (2:50:07 PM): guess what.she didnt get the reception that she expected
cinart_84 (2:50:14 PM): o i was mad!
keepxitxreal22 (2:50:54 PM): wait which one is "knocked"
cinart_84 (2:51:00 PM): i told her..i hope u and Andrew are happy and hung up the phone
cinart_84 (2:51:05 PM): kaira
keepxitxreal22 (2:51:10 PM): o yeha
keepxitxreal22 (2:51:15 PM): *yeah
keepxitxreal22 (2:51:33 PM): that boy should not be able to reproduce
cinart_84 (2:51:40 PM): no kidding
cinart_84 (2:51:56 PM): u think i m mad...u should see art!
keepxitxreal22 (2:52:18 PM): yeah i bet he was pissed she still living with him?
cinart_84 (2:52:25 PM): yeah
cinart_84 (2:52:55 PM): they are supposedly moving to chippewa with krissy gunderson and josh murphey
keepxitxreal22 (2:53:21 PM): oh really
cinart_84 (2:53:23 PM): kaira has to watch annabelle and do the coking and cleaning while everyone else is working
keepxitxreal22 (2:53:37 PM): who is doing coke
keepxitxreal22 (2:53:44 PM): ha cook ing
QUOTES TO LIVE BY
1. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.
2. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
3. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.
4. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.
5. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
6. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
7. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.
8. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.
9. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.
10. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.
11. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.
12. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.
REMEMBER: WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON.
People ask me how i cope with everything ive done, and who I was... Did I not care I sinned daily and my reply to them is this...
·"In heaven all the interesting people are missing."-Friedrich Nietzsche·
Reading some generally interesting profiles and journal entries where thought was actually put into the content ive decided maybe its time i put something a little less generic and less point form format.
So what to say about me here, im kinda lost on words or rather i care way too much about what people think so i worry how i will make myself appear... but seeing as i have a few drinks in me I'm at ease at being judged because of my past.
And so begins my story...
I am a 23 year old male living in houston texas, i went to high school at Langham Creek.. in the attempt to be the first of my mothers sons to graduate...i failed...my sophomore year i began to use drugs on a daily basis...i would use them before school and after...then started using between classes and ended up skipping classes to use them...
I've lived on my own since I was 16years old, for the most part, (whooha for being a street kid)..became friends with a well known drug user and lived with him in a garage/ wannabe bachalor pad, scraping the bottom of my pockets to get by...
I've always been self destructive in that manner, when things are bad, i find a way to make them worse just so i will be forced to get my big boy drawers on and find a way out of my hole.
Needless to say being broke poor and not willing to ask anyone for help i ended up working at fast food business, doing more drugs to cope with my choice and in a major depression.. i completely sheltered myself from reality.. after some time i realized my life was going no where fast i made a rashional decision..on to wisconcin i moved... leaving my friends, family and drug using life behind..
Wisconcin was my window of opportunity.. I get to wisconsin thinking i will finally be free of influence and can reorganize my life and be clean and straight, but i was far from it. I was verbally and mentally abused by my former g/f..and when i became unamused by the torture i did some naughty things that got me arrested (if you know what happened consider yourself a REALLY good friend 'cause i dont really tell just anyone what happened) it was a huge crumbelling point in my life.. while in jail i began rehashing my past...my fathers abandoning of me, my prior continuous drug usage, etc...when released i went through another wasting relationship and decided to move back to my hometown..i had missed my family a lot
If you by chance are still reading this thinking you may comment im not sure that would be wise..
I dont know what to think about why this had happened.. im not sure i learned anything more than that i should remain cold and not let anyone in or maybe ive just learned to be careful .. who knows ive yet to figure out the why of all of this.
Ive had a hard ass life, i hate people trying to be a part of my life because i fear disappointing them, or hurting them with my mistakes. I have a huge shady area even im not willing to explore right now because it could ruin everything ive built up within me to stay strong.
Right now.. i cant decide what stage of my life i am in, I think ive hit some kind of block in my life.. im 23 and have no idea what my plans are.. its time to restart but im not quite sure where to begin..
Some nights i think i should just quit everything.. but i dont quite know what is normal anymore.. so until i figure it out ill take all i can financially and hopefully by this time next year ill have my shit together and hold a little less bitterness for all the bullshit ive been handed throughout my life.. who knows really where or what ill be the only thing i know right now is...
I am a walking, living, breathing contradiction.. I am everything I hate yet I remain who I am.
umm what else?? i have no clue
Funny convos make me laugh
keepxitxreal22 (2:47:29 PM): whats up
cinart_84 (2:47:40 PM): not much
cinart_84 (2:47:43 PM): u?
keepxitxreal22 (2:48:00 PM): bored:-(
cinart_84 (2:48:11 PM): i see
cinart_84 (2:48:28 PM): o i guess something is up.....want to hear this one???
keepxitxreal22 (2:48:34 PM): yeah
cinart_84 (2:48:59 PM): my dear dumbass daughter got herself knocked agin
keepxitxreal22 (2:49:13 PM): hah what
cinart_84 (2:49:14 PM): i am sooooooo pleased
keepxitxreal22 (2:49:18 PM): i cant beleive it
keepxitxreal22 (2:49:23 PM): yeah i bet
cinart_84 (2:49:27 PM): believe it
cinart_84 (2:49:47 PM): she called here to tell me..thinking that i was supposed to be happy for her
cinart_84 (2:50:07 PM): guess what.she didnt get the reception that she expected
cinart_84 (2:50:14 PM): o i was mad!
keepxitxreal22 (2:50:54 PM): wait which one is "knocked"
cinart_84 (2:51:00 PM): i told her..i hope u and Andrew are happy and hung up the phone
cinart_84 (2:51:05 PM): kaira
keepxitxreal22 (2:51:10 PM): o yeha
keepxitxreal22 (2:51:15 PM): *yeah
keepxitxreal22 (2:51:33 PM): that boy should not be able to reproduce
cinart_84 (2:51:40 PM): no kidding
cinart_84 (2:51:56 PM): u think i m mad...u should see art!
keepxitxreal22 (2:52:18 PM): yeah i bet he was pissed she still living with him?
cinart_84 (2:52:25 PM): yeah
cinart_84 (2:52:55 PM): they are supposedly moving to chippewa with krissy gunderson and josh murphey
keepxitxreal22 (2:53:21 PM): oh really
cinart_84 (2:53:23 PM): kaira has to watch annabelle and do the coking and cleaning while everyone else is working
keepxitxreal22 (2:53:37 PM): who is doing coke
keepxitxreal22 (2:53:44 PM): ha cook ing
QUOTES TO LIVE BY
1. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.
2. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
3. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.
4. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.
5. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
6. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
7. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.
8. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.
9. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.
10. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.
11. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.
12. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.
REMEMBER: WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON.