One Shot: Appology
Title: Appology
Author: allisfair aka Lizzy
Summary: This is just a one shot to toast Jenny silentscream821 for starting this comm...I am literally writing it as I am posting it...sorry if its crap! =)
Rating: Probably pg-13...for swears and adult-ish content
Inspiration: 'Who have you been lovin?' and 'A Passing Tale' - Mr. Bobby Long
Disclaimer: It's all fiction based on different aspects of different people's lives...I did use some actual quotes from the songs...you will know which ones they are...I do not own those at all...they are all Bobby's!*
"There has got to be a reason! You can't just not be interested in making love to me anymore yet sit there and say that you love me!" I sat there in silence. It was the truth, maybe not all of it, but it wasn't a lie...I was still in love with him and wanted to be with him but I had no attraction to him anymore. I wasn't romantic with him...there was no spontinanity to our relationship anymore. We were just here...living together, sleeping in the same bed, co-existing in this little world that we created 4 years ago with party and 2 little words...I do. But, I love our life and he is my best friend...ending this just seems so wrong on so many levels.
But he knows me. He knows that I have issues with faithfulness. He knows that if we don't fix this now, that I will eventually do something that will forever ruin our chances of making this work. And, he is right...I do have daydreams of happier places and better times. I do have thoughts of being with other men and sometimes even imagine myself living in my daydreams and experiencing my experiences with those men. well, not quite men...one man to be exact.
He was my first love. We still talk a couple times a week...about life and good times. I sit and think back at some of our recent converstations as my husband continues to annalyze our situation...continues to try and make sense of it all. When he asks me "Who have you been lovin?* Because it sure as hell hasn't been me!" I snap back from my happy place because again, he is right...I have been loving someone else. I have for years and years...but it never worked...the timing was always off.
How can I be in love with 2 people at the same time...with such a passion that it drives me to risk it all with both of them time and time again. When one makes me mad, the other steps up to make me smile...When one goes days without calling, the other starts to make me feel like I don't need both of them...But as soon as that phone call comes, I am right back in my den of sins. And that is the depth of my relationship with both of them...one I live with and spend my life with...the other lives thousands of miles away and I wish I were spending my life with him.
So my impossible of circumstances have caused yet another arguement and another evening of wishing the pillow I held at night was the warmth of another man. I will keep my secret from my husband and try my best to fall back in love with him...even though I should really just appologize to him for promising him my heart and not letting him have the whole thing...tell him that I am sorry that I haven't changed...that I am no better now than I have ever been.*
The shadows of my secret life follow closely behind me waiting for for me to slip up and finally let them show their true colors. I sit and dream of the feeling of being free again...only to come back to the reality that my illusion of freedom may not be what it seems. The risk is far too great to take the leap...so I sit here alone again in this lonely place*...with thoughts of lust and greed corrupting my every action...until one day, someone gets hurt...
Author: allisfair aka Lizzy
Summary: This is just a one shot to toast Jenny silentscream821 for starting this comm...I am literally writing it as I am posting it...sorry if its crap! =)
Rating: Probably pg-13...for swears and adult-ish content
Inspiration: 'Who have you been lovin?' and 'A Passing Tale' - Mr. Bobby Long
Disclaimer: It's all fiction based on different aspects of different people's lives...I did use some actual quotes from the songs...you will know which ones they are...I do not own those at all...they are all Bobby's!*
"There has got to be a reason! You can't just not be interested in making love to me anymore yet sit there and say that you love me!" I sat there in silence. It was the truth, maybe not all of it, but it wasn't a lie...I was still in love with him and wanted to be with him but I had no attraction to him anymore. I wasn't romantic with him...there was no spontinanity to our relationship anymore. We were just here...living together, sleeping in the same bed, co-existing in this little world that we created 4 years ago with party and 2 little words...I do. But, I love our life and he is my best friend...ending this just seems so wrong on so many levels.
But he knows me. He knows that I have issues with faithfulness. He knows that if we don't fix this now, that I will eventually do something that will forever ruin our chances of making this work. And, he is right...I do have daydreams of happier places and better times. I do have thoughts of being with other men and sometimes even imagine myself living in my daydreams and experiencing my experiences with those men. well, not quite men...one man to be exact.
He was my first love. We still talk a couple times a week...about life and good times. I sit and think back at some of our recent converstations as my husband continues to annalyze our situation...continues to try and make sense of it all. When he asks me "Who have you been lovin?* Because it sure as hell hasn't been me!" I snap back from my happy place because again, he is right...I have been loving someone else. I have for years and years...but it never worked...the timing was always off.
How can I be in love with 2 people at the same time...with such a passion that it drives me to risk it all with both of them time and time again. When one makes me mad, the other steps up to make me smile...When one goes days without calling, the other starts to make me feel like I don't need both of them...But as soon as that phone call comes, I am right back in my den of sins. And that is the depth of my relationship with both of them...one I live with and spend my life with...the other lives thousands of miles away and I wish I were spending my life with him.
So my impossible of circumstances have caused yet another arguement and another evening of wishing the pillow I held at night was the warmth of another man. I will keep my secret from my husband and try my best to fall back in love with him...even though I should really just appologize to him for promising him my heart and not letting him have the whole thing...tell him that I am sorry that I haven't changed...that I am no better now than I have ever been.*
The shadows of my secret life follow closely behind me waiting for for me to slip up and finally let them show their true colors. I sit and dream of the feeling of being free again...only to come back to the reality that my illusion of freedom may not be what it seems. The risk is far too great to take the leap...so I sit here alone again in this lonely place*...with thoughts of lust and greed corrupting my every action...until one day, someone gets hurt...