nerf herder!! heheh...i donno but thats fun to say...lol...
I think I am finally at peace. I spent the day here at my hometown house in Rowayton here...chillin', listening to music...pondering going on a bike ride but never did b/c my brother walked off with my headphones/cd player...searched for them in a fury because i was just so fed up with looking at these surroundings at the time. I mean, pictures on the wall, items in the rooms, nothing looks any different from when I left it to move up to Plymouth State. I'm sometimes bothered when nothing changes with my changes...but you can't do too much about it, can ya, just think of ways to escape it in the mind...so I chose to listen to music...play piano, read, do all that...twas cool.
Yeah, weather records say November is the cloudiest month of the year...days grow shorter, air bites and nips the fingertips and ears and toes, all things to lead someone to becoming a depressed, sorrowful soul. Someone like me in particular.
Anywho, back to the events of today. I talked to Ben via internet...planned on seeing a movie at 4:15, Bad Santa, but his mom refused to drive me thinking that it wasn't in Ben's best interest...Ben still told me I could go with him, meet up at the theatre, and so that's what I almost got to doing...I biked there, before biking I finally found my CD...did a last minute rush-check type of thing...the Discman was wrapped in his sheets. Thanks he didn't squeeesh it with his weight when he was sleeping...I can't start to get worried for that cause I do all the time..and I'm probably what, only 20 lbs. lighter than him? haha...I'm suprised I haven't put on more than 15 lbs. over the past few weeks...or well after I broke off that "Fat Vanish" mostly protien, low fat type of diet, which had worked and I was doing good with flying colours...I should delve right back into that, huh...but yeah...I kinda binged a little too frequently over the past few weeks...overindulged in sleep too. I have the worst feeling my mom won't be taking me to Florida this Christmas, as is planned. Urgh. Oh well. Myself, Me and I, we will try to improve things before finals...do a little chatting with the math professor there :b...no. I don't stand a chance now. BLUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGHHHHHHHH hehehe
Okays, so yeah, conceal the bike in a tree/bush across the street from the theatre parking lot...cause there are no bike locks around this place...possibly three unused ones at mum's though, cause she's several times made the mistake of purchasing locks just to be on the safe side hehe...she always over-stocks, over-supplies me and my lil bro here :D After I hide and ditch the bike I run over to the theatre...its about 4:07 when I get to the tickets line...no sign of Apy or Ben which kinda saddens me..but I do happen to bump into a friend, with whom I kinda just started to talk to in the very last few weeks of high school there, Lindsay. So I get up to the front desk, ask for a ticket to see the movie "Bad Santa" and I get asked for my ID...which I unfortunately don't have...that's the last thing I'd expected to happen too lol...you have to understand, I've come from NH, which is pretty laid back in terms of checking for that stuff cause there aren't as many people around and purchasing movie tickets heh...so I turn around, have to say my goodbyes to Lindsay. And damn I feel stupid. I trudge all the way back over to the bike I had just placed there. I feel out of place here. I feel like I'm poking around in places I shouldnt be, why? because I was to meet Ben here. This is Ben's suburban town. This is where he still lives and still sees his movies. I don't belong here. I'm creep. lol. hahha...no that's not so funny. As I'm like ten feet from my bike a mental light flickers in the mind and is like "Kyle!!! What are you doing!! You could probably just buy another movie ticket and sneak into see the Bad Santa!!! Hurry, run before they shut off the lights so that I can't see where the two i was supposed to meet up w/ are!!!" So yeah, that's just what I did, I buy a ticket to see Timeline, hand it to the ticket collectors, then catch Lindsay again!! :D...she comes to me and is like "Kyle! What happened?" and I explain to her how I don't have my ID and how dumb I feel for not having it and while I'm saying this she holds up two tickets and says something that sorta trails in and out of them mind and I finally know what she was sayin' when I step into the theatre and grab a seat that she had bought a ticket for me!!!!!!! Seriously, she must've thought that I was figuring that they could buy me a ticket and all and that I'd wait on the outskirts of the room for them...so that's why she wasn't sitting in her movie yet, she was searching me out!!! Blah...I felt dumn to sit there and then looking at the same time for Ben who I was supposed to meet up with. Actually walking to the theatre the very first time in a few months brought back the very first date of our's ever. It was almost making me a bit sad and flustered.
So yeah, Lindsay assured me that it was okay just to walk into the Santa movie, even with those ticket collecting dudes right there behind me...she was like "no, no, its fine, just walk right in...its absolutely safe.." and i was just like "k..." hehe...It took me a while to pick somewheres to sit. here again it felt weird, pointing him out and then having to approach him and sit with him...I felt all wrong. I took a seat eventually...still poking my neck all the way up in search of the dude...no sign of him. So yeah, I sat back, not bummed or sad but accomplished. To go and see a film on your own, its not very common...I thought I could never make it happen, but I did. And I suppose I enjoyed it. Well, why is it that we watch movies with others anyway, they just are means of hypnotizing you, I mean you lose your place and are so engulfed in the movie...what's the point of that? I mean cause the moment you start commenting you're missing chunks of the movie...eh I don't know...it depends on whether or not you really want to watch the movie or if you really want to entertain who you are with. But yeah, that's why I do much like comedies though because you get the chance to share the movie-viewing experience with someone else. Its the joy of it. Laughter is the best medician. :D
After the closure of the film the last thing I wanted was to catch Ben because I felt akward still about meeting him for I thought he blew me off again...so I got out of the theatre, but checked around for him and concluded that he probably hadn't come in the first place, that they'd changed their minds and did something else.
Okay, I arrived at home figuring it was somewhere around seven but in fact was quarter past six. I was suprised at that figure because the bike ride seemed so long, with strong resisting winds blowing up against me and frigid coldness flowing straight into my fingers, from both the wind and the metal on the brakes of the bike. I thought I would be back home too late..so ya, dad was supposed to be home around six, and he hadn't gotten back yet come seven o clock.
I decided to go online to see what the deal with Ben was. He wasn't on just yet, not until about ten to seven...talked to him:
kewandnotu (6:51:14 PM): hey
Benadian (6:51:27 PM): yo
Benadian (6:51:42 PM): I'm sorry you couldn't come
kewandnotu (6:51:56 PM): nah its alright
kewandnotu (6:52:00 PM): i went by myself lol
Benadian (6:52:05 PM): I'm bored I wish you were here to be honest
Benadian (6:52:10 PM): I thought you had no money?
kewandnotu (6:52:18 PM): i do! on my card
kewandnotu (6:52:29 PM): i actually saw my buddy lindsay from bmhs
kewandnotu (6:52:47 PM): and she was waiting in line behind me and she saw the cashier turn me away b/c i had forgotten my id
Benadian (6:52:56 PM): when did you go?
Benadian (6:53:05 PM): argh.
kewandnotu (6:53:37 PM): and i was going to bike all the way home, but then i turned around like right before i approached the bike and then ran back , being kinda dumb not thinking about it much before, i planned on sneakin' into it
Benadian (6:53:39 PM): I was looking for you in case you came
Benadian (6:53:53 PM): eep
kewandnotu (6:54:11 PM): so i bought Timeline ticket and saw lindsay waiting outside her movie
kewandnotu (6:54:17 PM): and she had bought me a ticket!!!
kewandnotu (6:54:21 PM): ah!!!
Benadian (6:54:23 PM): oh wow!!
kewandnotu (6:55:06 PM): but i didn't realize that she was trying to say this until i sat down in the movie b/c i was busy explaining to her what happened to me and that i wanted to see that bad santa thing lol
kewandnotu (6:56:20 PM): i didn't see you anywhere lol
Benadian (6:56:54 PM): so you saw Timeline?
kewandnotu (6:57:04 PM): no i walked right into the santa movie
Benadian (6:57:10 PM): I was in Bad Santa with Apy like in the front row
kewandnotu (6:57:26 PM): the guys at the end didn't comment..they were staring at me and her and such and didn't say anything lol
Benadian (6:57:32 PM): it ended around 6:15 I didn't see you anywhere
kewandnotu (6:57:40 PM): the tix collecting dudes
Benadian (6:57:45 PM): oh
kewandnotu (6:57:54 PM): damn why all the way up there
Benadian (6:58:03 PM): I saw Elanie and Everett and Riley Schock and Sam Neely afterward
Benadian (6:58:09 PM): Brendan likes it up there
kewandnotu (6:58:10 PM): oh yeah
Benadian (6:58:14 PM): and hung out with them
kewandnotu (6:58:24 PM): i think jordan likes up close too
kewandnotu (6:58:24 PM): lol
Benadian (6:58:33 PM): heh
Benadian (6:58:41 PM): so I guess you're going back tomorrow
kewandnotu (6:58:46 PM): yup
kewandnotu (6:59:40 PM): it was a fairly long ride back...windy outside lol
Benadian (6:59:49 PM): I don't want to go to Bridgeport
Benadian (6:59:52 PM): wow I can imagine
kewandnotu (7:01:19 PM): i thought my dad would be home when i came back but to my suprise he wasn't here...he said he'd be in at 6
kewandnotu (7:01:55 PM): and i wasn't expecting to be home before 630 too...thought the movie was going to be a little longer or something
Benadian (7:02:37 PM): did you go into the one we were in?
Benadian (7:02:41 PM): bleh
kewandnotu (7:02:52 PM): there was two of em?
Benadian (7:03:21 PM): prolly not. I donno
Benadian (7:03:25 PM): ours was on the right side
kewandnotu (7:03:31 PM): yeah first on right
kewandnotu (7:03:34 PM): i was in there
Benadian (7:03:36 PM): heh
Benadian (7:03:47 PM): sigh
kewandnotu (7:04:03 PM): your mom doesn't want to see me ever again, huh
Benadian (7:04:44 PM): I don't think so. I donno
kewandnotu (7:04:57 PM): knew it :b
Benadian (7:05:00 PM): I think she thinks she's doing what's in my best interest
Benadian (7:05:01 PM): that's all
Benadian (7:05:09 PM): she hasn't got anything against you kyle, don't worry
kewandnotu (7:05:54 PM): i hate controlling parents. its nice to be away from them for months on end :D
Benadian (7:06:28 PM): I can imagine
Benadian (7:06:38 PM): that's why I'm seriously considering attending school on the west coast
kewandnotu (7:06:41 PM): why didn't she stop you the other night then
Benadian (7:07:25 PM): she wanted to I think but I said I wanted to see you
Benadian (7:07:33 PM): so she let me
kewandnotu (7:07:39 PM): ah okay
Benadian (7:07:50 PM): she's just doing what she thinks is in my best interest
kewandnotu (7:07:55 PM): yeah
Benadian (7:08:30 PM): she's watching The Pink Panther with my grandma right now
kewandnotu (7:09:06 PM): nice
Benadian (7:09:40 PM): I guess I'm feeling shitty right now because I feel like this weekend isn't working out how I'd hoped
kewandnotu (7:09:54 PM): ah why not?
Benadian (7:10:33 PM): I donno. I'm still confused about my feelings for you and I wanted to do something besides just see Apy all weekend
kewandnotu (7:10:46 PM): yup
Benadian (7:13:03 PM): I got scared when I left Thursday night because I felt like I'd gone back in time... like Thursday night worked out exactly like most of the days we spent together during the summer
kewandnotu (7:13:21 PM): uh...not quite
Benadian (7:13:33 PM): well in the end it did
Benadian (7:13:36 PM): I donno
Benadian (7:14:13 PM): I could tell there was still something wrong you still seemed a bit upset about something
kewandnotu (7:14:34 PM): what did i not tell you lol
Benadian (7:15:31 PM): did you really want to be back with me?
kewandnotu (7:16:08 PM): thats exactly what i was trying to say that entire time :b
Benadian (7:16:36 PM): I know. but did you really mean it?
kewandnotu (7:16:43 PM): hell yes
Benadian (7:16:48 PM): why?
kewandnotu (7:17:14 PM): because i love you and i can't picture a guy more like me, more fitting to be my boyfriend i donno
Benadian (7:17:23 PM): do you really care about me?
kewandnotu (7:17:37 PM): of course!!! i always care for everyone...
kewandnotu (7:17:45 PM): remember i'm the exact opposite of what craig is
Benadian (7:18:55 PM): do you still want me to fit your regulations and control me and be yours?
kewandnotu (7:19:16 PM): i don't have regulations!!
Benadian (7:19:22 PM): you're right
Benadian (7:19:26 PM): what did I mean
Benadian (7:20:04 PM): I don't know what I mean. But I still love you
kewandnotu (7:20:22 PM): and to tell ya the truth i did like your hair the curly style :D
Benadian (7:20:49 PM): I want you to be you and I want you to want me to be me
kewandnotu (7:21:06 PM): yeah me too
kewandnotu (7:21:16 PM): (i was always me)
Benadian (7:21:27 PM): yeah I know that's why I felt stiffed
Benadian (7:21:28 PM): lol
Benadian (7:21:33 PM): when I had to get my hair cut
kewandnotu (7:21:34 PM): haha
kewandnotu (7:21:55 PM): do w/e you want to it...its only the outside of you
Benadian (7:22:21 PM): yeah I've become so shallow lately. I've been thinking so much about changing my look for some reason
kewandnotu (7:22:41 PM): oh talk about it! lol...i need a new look too :b
Benadian (7:22:57 PM): I just want to be more unique I guess and show people that I kind of want to be independent
kewandnotu (7:23:08 PM): go for it then
Benadian (7:23:27 PM): yeah
Benadian (7:23:43 PM): I like Joe's CD it reminds me of DJ Shadow or somethin
kewandnotu (7:23:48 PM): hah
Benadian (7:23:53 PM): come over
kewandnotu (7:24:11 PM): yeah he was doing that freestyle stuff non-stop that night when zox was hanging around
kewandnotu (7:24:23 PM): they came over to check joe out and were amazed themselves
kewandnotu (7:24:23 PM): lol
Benadian (7:24:31 PM): hehe
kewandnotu (7:24:36 PM): come over?
Benadian (7:24:38 PM): I freestyled once about an orange
Benadian (7:24:40 PM): yeh come over
kewandnotu (7:24:43 PM): huh?
Benadian (7:24:51 PM): I miss you
kewandnotu (7:24:55 PM): now?
Benadian (7:25:04 PM): I don't want you to leave without seeing you again
Benadian (7:25:08 PM): yeah
kewandnotu (7:25:10 PM): well its only 725
kewandnotu (7:25:11 PM): lol
kewandnotu (7:25:15 PM): i go to bed at 3
kewandnotu (7:25:17 PM): usually
kewandnotu (7:25:19 PM): haha
Benadian (7:25:19 PM): heh
Benadian (7:25:32 PM): you make me feel not shitty
kewandnotu (7:25:36 PM): okay...and my dad can just ccome pick me up if it gets too late..
Benadian (7:25:42 PM): ok
kewandnotu (7:25:46 PM): okay! give me about thirty min i think
Benadian (7:25:51 PM): really?
Benadian (7:25:52 PM): you can?
Benadian (7:25:56 PM): ok
kewandnotu (7:26:01 PM): yeah...its my life
Benadian (7:26:06 PM): my grandma's here
Benadian (7:26:11 PM): I'll introduce you
kewandnotu (7:26:13 PM): i'm an addult....oh cool hehe
kewandnotu (7:26:16 PM): :D
kewandnotu (7:26:19 PM): bbye
Benadian (7:26:27 PM): cya :-)
So yeah, ended up biking over to his house, chilled and watched his movie "Donnie Darko"...It was an awesome film although I didn't pick up the greater part of it. Quite hard to follow. Um...so yeah we chilled...and it wasn't anything odd or unusual this time, just really...beautiful...perfect. I love him alot. Enough to really pick up on my school work and enough to sleep for once. I'm content and at ease in my mind at this point. I just feel so awesomely amazing to be with him once again...and I hope he's not reading this right now :b...
Ben's friends don't realize yet how we've both changed deep within. And because we have both changed, I think very dramatically, that our new relationship will be very much different from the first one...you know? Personally, I think they have nada to worry about and I'll be one to make sure things don't repeat.
Yeah, weather records say November is the cloudiest month of the year...days grow shorter, air bites and nips the fingertips and ears and toes, all things to lead someone to becoming a depressed, sorrowful soul. Someone like me in particular.
Anywho, back to the events of today. I talked to Ben via internet...planned on seeing a movie at 4:15, Bad Santa, but his mom refused to drive me thinking that it wasn't in Ben's best interest...Ben still told me I could go with him, meet up at the theatre, and so that's what I almost got to doing...I biked there, before biking I finally found my CD...did a last minute rush-check type of thing...the Discman was wrapped in his sheets. Thanks he didn't squeeesh it with his weight when he was sleeping...I can't start to get worried for that cause I do all the time..and I'm probably what, only 20 lbs. lighter than him? haha...I'm suprised I haven't put on more than 15 lbs. over the past few weeks...or well after I broke off that "Fat Vanish" mostly protien, low fat type of diet, which had worked and I was doing good with flying colours...I should delve right back into that, huh...but yeah...I kinda binged a little too frequently over the past few weeks...overindulged in sleep too. I have the worst feeling my mom won't be taking me to Florida this Christmas, as is planned. Urgh. Oh well. Myself, Me and I, we will try to improve things before finals...do a little chatting with the math professor there :b...no. I don't stand a chance now. BLUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGHHHHHHHH hehehe
Okays, so yeah, conceal the bike in a tree/bush across the street from the theatre parking lot...cause there are no bike locks around this place...possibly three unused ones at mum's though, cause she's several times made the mistake of purchasing locks just to be on the safe side hehe...she always over-stocks, over-supplies me and my lil bro here :D After I hide and ditch the bike I run over to the theatre...its about 4:07 when I get to the tickets line...no sign of Apy or Ben which kinda saddens me..but I do happen to bump into a friend, with whom I kinda just started to talk to in the very last few weeks of high school there, Lindsay. So I get up to the front desk, ask for a ticket to see the movie "Bad Santa" and I get asked for my ID...which I unfortunately don't have...that's the last thing I'd expected to happen too lol...you have to understand, I've come from NH, which is pretty laid back in terms of checking for that stuff cause there aren't as many people around and purchasing movie tickets heh...so I turn around, have to say my goodbyes to Lindsay. And damn I feel stupid. I trudge all the way back over to the bike I had just placed there. I feel out of place here. I feel like I'm poking around in places I shouldnt be, why? because I was to meet Ben here. This is Ben's suburban town. This is where he still lives and still sees his movies. I don't belong here. I'm creep. lol. hahha...no that's not so funny. As I'm like ten feet from my bike a mental light flickers in the mind and is like "Kyle!!! What are you doing!! You could probably just buy another movie ticket and sneak into see the Bad Santa!!! Hurry, run before they shut off the lights so that I can't see where the two i was supposed to meet up w/ are!!!" So yeah, that's just what I did, I buy a ticket to see Timeline, hand it to the ticket collectors, then catch Lindsay again!! :D...she comes to me and is like "Kyle! What happened?" and I explain to her how I don't have my ID and how dumb I feel for not having it and while I'm saying this she holds up two tickets and says something that sorta trails in and out of them mind and I finally know what she was sayin' when I step into the theatre and grab a seat that she had bought a ticket for me!!!!!!! Seriously, she must've thought that I was figuring that they could buy me a ticket and all and that I'd wait on the outskirts of the room for them...so that's why she wasn't sitting in her movie yet, she was searching me out!!! Blah...I felt dumn to sit there and then looking at the same time for Ben who I was supposed to meet up with. Actually walking to the theatre the very first time in a few months brought back the very first date of our's ever. It was almost making me a bit sad and flustered.
So yeah, Lindsay assured me that it was okay just to walk into the Santa movie, even with those ticket collecting dudes right there behind me...she was like "no, no, its fine, just walk right in...its absolutely safe.." and i was just like "k..." hehe...It took me a while to pick somewheres to sit. here again it felt weird, pointing him out and then having to approach him and sit with him...I felt all wrong. I took a seat eventually...still poking my neck all the way up in search of the dude...no sign of him. So yeah, I sat back, not bummed or sad but accomplished. To go and see a film on your own, its not very common...I thought I could never make it happen, but I did. And I suppose I enjoyed it. Well, why is it that we watch movies with others anyway, they just are means of hypnotizing you, I mean you lose your place and are so engulfed in the movie...what's the point of that? I mean cause the moment you start commenting you're missing chunks of the movie...eh I don't know...it depends on whether or not you really want to watch the movie or if you really want to entertain who you are with. But yeah, that's why I do much like comedies though because you get the chance to share the movie-viewing experience with someone else. Its the joy of it. Laughter is the best medician. :D
After the closure of the film the last thing I wanted was to catch Ben because I felt akward still about meeting him for I thought he blew me off again...so I got out of the theatre, but checked around for him and concluded that he probably hadn't come in the first place, that they'd changed their minds and did something else.
Okay, I arrived at home figuring it was somewhere around seven but in fact was quarter past six. I was suprised at that figure because the bike ride seemed so long, with strong resisting winds blowing up against me and frigid coldness flowing straight into my fingers, from both the wind and the metal on the brakes of the bike. I thought I would be back home too late..so ya, dad was supposed to be home around six, and he hadn't gotten back yet come seven o clock.
I decided to go online to see what the deal with Ben was. He wasn't on just yet, not until about ten to seven...talked to him:
kewandnotu (6:51:14 PM): hey
Benadian (6:51:27 PM): yo
Benadian (6:51:42 PM): I'm sorry you couldn't come
kewandnotu (6:51:56 PM): nah its alright
kewandnotu (6:52:00 PM): i went by myself lol
Benadian (6:52:05 PM): I'm bored I wish you were here to be honest
Benadian (6:52:10 PM): I thought you had no money?
kewandnotu (6:52:18 PM): i do! on my card
kewandnotu (6:52:29 PM): i actually saw my buddy lindsay from bmhs
kewandnotu (6:52:47 PM): and she was waiting in line behind me and she saw the cashier turn me away b/c i had forgotten my id
Benadian (6:52:56 PM): when did you go?
Benadian (6:53:05 PM): argh.
kewandnotu (6:53:37 PM): and i was going to bike all the way home, but then i turned around like right before i approached the bike and then ran back , being kinda dumb not thinking about it much before, i planned on sneakin' into it
Benadian (6:53:39 PM): I was looking for you in case you came
Benadian (6:53:53 PM): eep
kewandnotu (6:54:11 PM): so i bought Timeline ticket and saw lindsay waiting outside her movie
kewandnotu (6:54:17 PM): and she had bought me a ticket!!!
kewandnotu (6:54:21 PM): ah!!!
Benadian (6:54:23 PM): oh wow!!
kewandnotu (6:55:06 PM): but i didn't realize that she was trying to say this until i sat down in the movie b/c i was busy explaining to her what happened to me and that i wanted to see that bad santa thing lol
kewandnotu (6:56:20 PM): i didn't see you anywhere lol
Benadian (6:56:54 PM): so you saw Timeline?
kewandnotu (6:57:04 PM): no i walked right into the santa movie
Benadian (6:57:10 PM): I was in Bad Santa with Apy like in the front row
kewandnotu (6:57:26 PM): the guys at the end didn't comment..they were staring at me and her and such and didn't say anything lol
Benadian (6:57:32 PM): it ended around 6:15 I didn't see you anywhere
kewandnotu (6:57:40 PM): the tix collecting dudes
Benadian (6:57:45 PM): oh
kewandnotu (6:57:54 PM): damn why all the way up there
Benadian (6:58:03 PM): I saw Elanie and Everett and Riley Schock and Sam Neely afterward
Benadian (6:58:09 PM): Brendan likes it up there
kewandnotu (6:58:10 PM): oh yeah
Benadian (6:58:14 PM): and hung out with them
kewandnotu (6:58:24 PM): i think jordan likes up close too
kewandnotu (6:58:24 PM): lol
Benadian (6:58:33 PM): heh
Benadian (6:58:41 PM): so I guess you're going back tomorrow
kewandnotu (6:58:46 PM): yup
kewandnotu (6:59:40 PM): it was a fairly long ride back...windy outside lol
Benadian (6:59:49 PM): I don't want to go to Bridgeport
Benadian (6:59:52 PM): wow I can imagine
kewandnotu (7:01:19 PM): i thought my dad would be home when i came back but to my suprise he wasn't here...he said he'd be in at 6
kewandnotu (7:01:55 PM): and i wasn't expecting to be home before 630 too...thought the movie was going to be a little longer or something
Benadian (7:02:37 PM): did you go into the one we were in?
Benadian (7:02:41 PM): bleh
kewandnotu (7:02:52 PM): there was two of em?
Benadian (7:03:21 PM): prolly not. I donno
Benadian (7:03:25 PM): ours was on the right side
kewandnotu (7:03:31 PM): yeah first on right
kewandnotu (7:03:34 PM): i was in there
Benadian (7:03:36 PM): heh
Benadian (7:03:47 PM): sigh
kewandnotu (7:04:03 PM): your mom doesn't want to see me ever again, huh
Benadian (7:04:44 PM): I don't think so. I donno
kewandnotu (7:04:57 PM): knew it :b
Benadian (7:05:00 PM): I think she thinks she's doing what's in my best interest
Benadian (7:05:01 PM): that's all
Benadian (7:05:09 PM): she hasn't got anything against you kyle, don't worry
kewandnotu (7:05:54 PM): i hate controlling parents. its nice to be away from them for months on end :D
Benadian (7:06:28 PM): I can imagine
Benadian (7:06:38 PM): that's why I'm seriously considering attending school on the west coast
kewandnotu (7:06:41 PM): why didn't she stop you the other night then
Benadian (7:07:25 PM): she wanted to I think but I said I wanted to see you
Benadian (7:07:33 PM): so she let me
kewandnotu (7:07:39 PM): ah okay
Benadian (7:07:50 PM): she's just doing what she thinks is in my best interest
kewandnotu (7:07:55 PM): yeah
Benadian (7:08:30 PM): she's watching The Pink Panther with my grandma right now
kewandnotu (7:09:06 PM): nice
Benadian (7:09:40 PM): I guess I'm feeling shitty right now because I feel like this weekend isn't working out how I'd hoped
kewandnotu (7:09:54 PM): ah why not?
Benadian (7:10:33 PM): I donno. I'm still confused about my feelings for you and I wanted to do something besides just see Apy all weekend
kewandnotu (7:10:46 PM): yup
Benadian (7:13:03 PM): I got scared when I left Thursday night because I felt like I'd gone back in time... like Thursday night worked out exactly like most of the days we spent together during the summer
kewandnotu (7:13:21 PM): uh...not quite
Benadian (7:13:33 PM): well in the end it did
Benadian (7:13:36 PM): I donno
Benadian (7:14:13 PM): I could tell there was still something wrong you still seemed a bit upset about something
kewandnotu (7:14:34 PM): what did i not tell you lol
Benadian (7:15:31 PM): did you really want to be back with me?
kewandnotu (7:16:08 PM): thats exactly what i was trying to say that entire time :b
Benadian (7:16:36 PM): I know. but did you really mean it?
kewandnotu (7:16:43 PM): hell yes
Benadian (7:16:48 PM): why?
kewandnotu (7:17:14 PM): because i love you and i can't picture a guy more like me, more fitting to be my boyfriend i donno
Benadian (7:17:23 PM): do you really care about me?
kewandnotu (7:17:37 PM): of course!!! i always care for everyone...
kewandnotu (7:17:45 PM): remember i'm the exact opposite of what craig is
Benadian (7:18:55 PM): do you still want me to fit your regulations and control me and be yours?
kewandnotu (7:19:16 PM): i don't have regulations!!
Benadian (7:19:22 PM): you're right
Benadian (7:19:26 PM): what did I mean
Benadian (7:20:04 PM): I don't know what I mean. But I still love you
kewandnotu (7:20:22 PM): and to tell ya the truth i did like your hair the curly style :D
Benadian (7:20:49 PM): I want you to be you and I want you to want me to be me
kewandnotu (7:21:06 PM): yeah me too
kewandnotu (7:21:16 PM): (i was always me)
Benadian (7:21:27 PM): yeah I know that's why I felt stiffed
Benadian (7:21:28 PM): lol
Benadian (7:21:33 PM): when I had to get my hair cut
kewandnotu (7:21:34 PM): haha
kewandnotu (7:21:55 PM): do w/e you want to it...its only the outside of you
Benadian (7:22:21 PM): yeah I've become so shallow lately. I've been thinking so much about changing my look for some reason
kewandnotu (7:22:41 PM): oh talk about it! lol...i need a new look too :b
Benadian (7:22:57 PM): I just want to be more unique I guess and show people that I kind of want to be independent
kewandnotu (7:23:08 PM): go for it then
Benadian (7:23:27 PM): yeah
Benadian (7:23:43 PM): I like Joe's CD it reminds me of DJ Shadow or somethin
kewandnotu (7:23:48 PM): hah
Benadian (7:23:53 PM): come over
kewandnotu (7:24:11 PM): yeah he was doing that freestyle stuff non-stop that night when zox was hanging around
kewandnotu (7:24:23 PM): they came over to check joe out and were amazed themselves
kewandnotu (7:24:23 PM): lol
Benadian (7:24:31 PM): hehe
kewandnotu (7:24:36 PM): come over?
Benadian (7:24:38 PM): I freestyled once about an orange
Benadian (7:24:40 PM): yeh come over
kewandnotu (7:24:43 PM): huh?
Benadian (7:24:51 PM): I miss you
kewandnotu (7:24:55 PM): now?
Benadian (7:25:04 PM): I don't want you to leave without seeing you again
Benadian (7:25:08 PM): yeah
kewandnotu (7:25:10 PM): well its only 725
kewandnotu (7:25:11 PM): lol
kewandnotu (7:25:15 PM): i go to bed at 3
kewandnotu (7:25:17 PM): usually
kewandnotu (7:25:19 PM): haha
Benadian (7:25:19 PM): heh
Benadian (7:25:32 PM): you make me feel not shitty
kewandnotu (7:25:36 PM): okay...and my dad can just ccome pick me up if it gets too late..
Benadian (7:25:42 PM): ok
kewandnotu (7:25:46 PM): okay! give me about thirty min i think
Benadian (7:25:51 PM): really?
Benadian (7:25:52 PM): you can?
Benadian (7:25:56 PM): ok
kewandnotu (7:26:01 PM): yeah...its my life
Benadian (7:26:06 PM): my grandma's here
Benadian (7:26:11 PM): I'll introduce you
kewandnotu (7:26:13 PM): i'm an addult....oh cool hehe
kewandnotu (7:26:16 PM): :D
kewandnotu (7:26:19 PM): bbye
Benadian (7:26:27 PM): cya :-)
So yeah, ended up biking over to his house, chilled and watched his movie "Donnie Darko"...It was an awesome film although I didn't pick up the greater part of it. Quite hard to follow. Um...so yeah we chilled...and it wasn't anything odd or unusual this time, just really...beautiful...perfect. I love him alot. Enough to really pick up on my school work and enough to sleep for once. I'm content and at ease in my mind at this point. I just feel so awesomely amazing to be with him once again...and I hope he's not reading this right now :b...
Ben's friends don't realize yet how we've both changed deep within. And because we have both changed, I think very dramatically, that our new relationship will be very much different from the first one...you know? Personally, I think they have nada to worry about and I'll be one to make sure things don't repeat.