Lost Causes
Title: Lost Causes
Rating: PG-13
Summary: When you get everything you thought you wanted, why do you still feel empty? [three years later, all characters.]
It’s been three years, and Addison still can’t believe the office is hers. Richard is gone, but she still walks into work every day expecting him to give her orders. She tries not to think about the tumor that returned and took her old mentor away.
She approaches the desk, its plaque reflecting a glare from the window’s sunlight. Dr. Addison Forbes Montgomery, Chief of Surgery. It’s still strange, her name without the hyphen on the end. She’d considered keeping it, for professional reasons, but then she’d realized how much it would hurt to have to explain it to everyone who had questions. She hates the questions.
She knows this is what she’s always wanted - she has the title she’s worked her whole life for. She has the big fancy house with a closet the size of the old trailer. She has a man who would do anything for her, who is content to be her Chief of Plastic Surgery and who would never ignore her or forget about her. She is no longer considered “one of the best” neonatal/genetics surgeons in the country - she is the best.
She has nothing left to prove.
She has it all.
She sits at her big fancy desk in her big fancy office and wonders why it’s not enough.
- - -
It’s been three years, and Cristina has turned into the type of person she swore she would never be. She’s practically a house wife, for Christ’s sake. She has a beach ball attached to her stomach and she’s not allowed to move from bed for two more months. And she’s pretty sure she’s going to kill Burke.
She doesn’t know exactly why she’s having this baby (because she was so quick to get rid of the other one). It doesn’t make sense, not in the way it’s supposed to. Cristina likes things black and white. Cut, suture, close. She’s practical and this is not practical.
This is the opposite of practical, actually. She’s just starting to come into her own as a surgeon. She’s bringing along her own string of interns who may or may not call her The Nazi behind her back. (She kind of likes it). This wasn’t planned, but she didn’t have the heart to end it. Not when she saw the look on Burke’s face when she told him. (At least she told him this time).
She refuses to wear her wedding ring because she says it’s a stupid symbol of male chauvinism, like he owns her or something. And she didn’t take his last name. She’s a surgeon, after all. She loves hearing the respect of "Dr. Yang."
But she keeps her ring on the nightstand next to her, and now that she’s bedridden and alone half the day, sometimes she slips it on.
It’s not like anyone can see it, anyway.
- - - - -
It’s been three years since Derek finally convinced Meredith to take him back, and he’s happy. Sure, it was a disaster in the beginning, what with cheating on Addison and Finn and everything, and then his messy divorce and Meredith’s messy breakup, but now it’s all worked out.
They’re together and she said yes and she changed her last name. They finally built a house on his land, and it’s a cozy place - they even have a new dog, a golden retriever named Stitch. Meredith had wanted to name her Nurse, but Derek thought that was a little too much. (Sometimes he doesn’t like to think about Doc because of all the burning memories that go along with it).
Meredith scorched the pancakes again this morning, but he doesn’t mind as he kisses batter off her nose and she laughs. She’s a completely different girl from the one he met in the bar four years ago. She’s not scary and damaged, she’s whole and she’s his.
It’s all they’ve ever wanted, ever since it all began. Ever since he was running away from a past he couldn’t handle and she was just a mess.
Now the house always smells like lavender and they have cute little fights and they take Stitch for long walks along the water.
Now she’s happy.
And he’s happy, too.
Because really, there’s no reason not to be.
This is what he tells himself.
- - - - -
It’s been three years, and George can finally say that he knows what he’s doing.
Okay, so maybe he doesn’t exactly know what he’s doing. He can’t decide on a specialty (one day he’s cardiac and the next orthopedic), and maybe he still can’t seem to get his hair just right. He’s not sure exactly what Callie sees in him or how they moved on from everything that happened the past few years. He doesn’t know how long his dad’s cancer will stay in remission, or why exactly everyone in this hospital seems to know all the gossip before he does.
But this? This he knows.
He slips his hand into his pocket and feels the soft velvet of the ring box and can’t help but smile.
He knows she’s going to say yes.
- - -
It’s been three years, and Izzie Stevens is happy. She’s surprised to realize this - she never thought she’d be happy again, not after Denny. But somehow, she is. She has a thriving pediatric practice, where it’s okay to get attached to patients because little kids with runny noses aren’t going to get blood clots and die overnight. She has a nice little apartment overlooking the water. And she’s dating a sweet, kind man. A veterinarian who’s okay with the fact that she’s a little bit broken but mending day by day.
Finn knows that she is scary and damaged, but he doesn’t mind because he is too.
He’s her second chance, and she’s determined not to mess it up.
Because she’s pretty sure that you’re supposed to take your second chance.
- - -
It’s been three years, and Alex can honestly say he never thought he’d end up here.
After all that - all the sucking up to Mark Sloan, all the superiority towards the others, all the bragging and cockiness - he’s ended up in a strange place.
He doesn’t have a girlfriend, and he’s okay with that.
Izzie is with Finn, but she’s happy, so he’s okay with that too.
He’s stopped being a complete asshole to George, and even went with the fetus to help pick out a ring for Torres. And he’d been helpful - he’d convinced O’Malley that the ring he was planning to buy was way too small, and only guys with small dicks bought rings with small rocks. So George had upgraded. Alex is pretty sure that makes him a good friend to the fetus.
Sometimes he feels a little miffed that everyone seems to be either married or on their way to getting there, but hey, he’s still young. There’s plenty of girls out there, Sloan reassures him.
Even though he doesn’t talk to Sloan that much nowadays.
He’s pretty busy with all the patients who come to see him.
Because seriously?
He’s captain of the Gyno squad.
- - -
It’s been three years, but Meredith feels like she’s lived through another lifetime. She is Dr. Shepherd (Dr. Grey-Shepherd had sounded too much like an old farmer), and is on her way to being a neurosurgery protégé. She’s learning from the best, after all. She’s happy. Her friends are happy. Well, except for Joe, who constantly laments that he’s lost his best customer and now has far too much tequila in stock.
The new treatment is helping her mother - Ellis Grey will never fully recover, will never be a loving parent, will never be comprehensible to her daughter, but Meredith is starting to accept that.
And Derek is perfect. Derek is all she’s ever wanted, she’s positive of that.
It’s hard to be bitter about anything when you have your McDreamy back.
- - -
It’s been three years, and Mark wonders if he’s the only one who notices.
They’ve all moved on - or at least, they say they have. They all bounce around the damn hospital like everything’s just perfect.
He thinks it’s all bullshit.
Because if he learned anything from New York, it’s that nothing is ever as simple as it looks.
No one’s ever really happy with the way things turn out.
He sees the way Karev looks at Stevens sometimes. He knows that she notices too.
He sees Callie staring at the ring on her finger and slipping it off when George isn’t around.
He sees Burke trying to reassure Cristina on the phone that she won’t lose her place in the hospital, that the baby’s not going to change anything between them, but then when he hangs up he puts his head in his hands and sighs.
He sees that vet bringing flowers in for Izzie on the anniversary of Denny’s death, and she just pecks him on the cheek before sending him home. Later Addison tells him that she found her crying hysterically on the bathroom floor.
And most of all?
Most of all, he sees the way Derek looks at Addison. The way he watches her during surgery, like she’s God’s gift to mankind. The way he rushes to bring her coffee in the morning. The way she rolls her eyes but smiles when he insists on eating lunch with her if Mark has a surgery.
He sees the way Meredith’s eyes have changed. The way she doesn’t look at Derek like a worshipping teenager anymore. The way her tone is clipped whenever she speaks to Addison - who is, after all, the Chief of Surgery.
Mark wonders if Meredith has started to see it too.
He can feel Addison shifting away from him when he tries to touch her. She says she’s tired.
“He’s still in love with you, isn’t he,” he whispers to her. “Even though he married her.”
“You’re being ridiculous, Mark.” Her voice is quiet and resigned.
“Do you think I can’t see it? Me, of all people, Addison?” It kills him to say it, but he’s always been the blunt one.
She doesn’t answer.
He sees that it’s all slipping away. Little cracks, spreading while no one says anything. Sometimes they stretch farther than they’re supposed to, and sometimes they go right back to where they started from.
Mark knows from experience that when it looks perfect, it’s all quietly starting to fall apart.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: When you get everything you thought you wanted, why do you still feel empty? [three years later, all characters.]
It’s been three years, and Addison still can’t believe the office is hers. Richard is gone, but she still walks into work every day expecting him to give her orders. She tries not to think about the tumor that returned and took her old mentor away.
She approaches the desk, its plaque reflecting a glare from the window’s sunlight. Dr. Addison Forbes Montgomery, Chief of Surgery. It’s still strange, her name without the hyphen on the end. She’d considered keeping it, for professional reasons, but then she’d realized how much it would hurt to have to explain it to everyone who had questions. She hates the questions.
She knows this is what she’s always wanted - she has the title she’s worked her whole life for. She has the big fancy house with a closet the size of the old trailer. She has a man who would do anything for her, who is content to be her Chief of Plastic Surgery and who would never ignore her or forget about her. She is no longer considered “one of the best” neonatal/genetics surgeons in the country - she is the best.
She has nothing left to prove.
She has it all.
She sits at her big fancy desk in her big fancy office and wonders why it’s not enough.
- - -
It’s been three years, and Cristina has turned into the type of person she swore she would never be. She’s practically a house wife, for Christ’s sake. She has a beach ball attached to her stomach and she’s not allowed to move from bed for two more months. And she’s pretty sure she’s going to kill Burke.
She doesn’t know exactly why she’s having this baby (because she was so quick to get rid of the other one). It doesn’t make sense, not in the way it’s supposed to. Cristina likes things black and white. Cut, suture, close. She’s practical and this is not practical.
This is the opposite of practical, actually. She’s just starting to come into her own as a surgeon. She’s bringing along her own string of interns who may or may not call her The Nazi behind her back. (She kind of likes it). This wasn’t planned, but she didn’t have the heart to end it. Not when she saw the look on Burke’s face when she told him. (At least she told him this time).
She refuses to wear her wedding ring because she says it’s a stupid symbol of male chauvinism, like he owns her or something. And she didn’t take his last name. She’s a surgeon, after all. She loves hearing the respect of "Dr. Yang."
But she keeps her ring on the nightstand next to her, and now that she’s bedridden and alone half the day, sometimes she slips it on.
It’s not like anyone can see it, anyway.
- - - - -
It’s been three years since Derek finally convinced Meredith to take him back, and he’s happy. Sure, it was a disaster in the beginning, what with cheating on Addison and Finn and everything, and then his messy divorce and Meredith’s messy breakup, but now it’s all worked out.
They’re together and she said yes and she changed her last name. They finally built a house on his land, and it’s a cozy place - they even have a new dog, a golden retriever named Stitch. Meredith had wanted to name her Nurse, but Derek thought that was a little too much. (Sometimes he doesn’t like to think about Doc because of all the burning memories that go along with it).
Meredith scorched the pancakes again this morning, but he doesn’t mind as he kisses batter off her nose and she laughs. She’s a completely different girl from the one he met in the bar four years ago. She’s not scary and damaged, she’s whole and she’s his.
It’s all they’ve ever wanted, ever since it all began. Ever since he was running away from a past he couldn’t handle and she was just a mess.
Now the house always smells like lavender and they have cute little fights and they take Stitch for long walks along the water.
Now she’s happy.
And he’s happy, too.
Because really, there’s no reason not to be.
This is what he tells himself.
- - - - -
It’s been three years, and George can finally say that he knows what he’s doing.
Okay, so maybe he doesn’t exactly know what he’s doing. He can’t decide on a specialty (one day he’s cardiac and the next orthopedic), and maybe he still can’t seem to get his hair just right. He’s not sure exactly what Callie sees in him or how they moved on from everything that happened the past few years. He doesn’t know how long his dad’s cancer will stay in remission, or why exactly everyone in this hospital seems to know all the gossip before he does.
But this? This he knows.
He slips his hand into his pocket and feels the soft velvet of the ring box and can’t help but smile.
He knows she’s going to say yes.
- - -
It’s been three years, and Izzie Stevens is happy. She’s surprised to realize this - she never thought she’d be happy again, not after Denny. But somehow, she is. She has a thriving pediatric practice, where it’s okay to get attached to patients because little kids with runny noses aren’t going to get blood clots and die overnight. She has a nice little apartment overlooking the water. And she’s dating a sweet, kind man. A veterinarian who’s okay with the fact that she’s a little bit broken but mending day by day.
Finn knows that she is scary and damaged, but he doesn’t mind because he is too.
He’s her second chance, and she’s determined not to mess it up.
Because she’s pretty sure that you’re supposed to take your second chance.
- - -
It’s been three years, and Alex can honestly say he never thought he’d end up here.
After all that - all the sucking up to Mark Sloan, all the superiority towards the others, all the bragging and cockiness - he’s ended up in a strange place.
He doesn’t have a girlfriend, and he’s okay with that.
Izzie is with Finn, but she’s happy, so he’s okay with that too.
He’s stopped being a complete asshole to George, and even went with the fetus to help pick out a ring for Torres. And he’d been helpful - he’d convinced O’Malley that the ring he was planning to buy was way too small, and only guys with small dicks bought rings with small rocks. So George had upgraded. Alex is pretty sure that makes him a good friend to the fetus.
Sometimes he feels a little miffed that everyone seems to be either married or on their way to getting there, but hey, he’s still young. There’s plenty of girls out there, Sloan reassures him.
Even though he doesn’t talk to Sloan that much nowadays.
He’s pretty busy with all the patients who come to see him.
Because seriously?
He’s captain of the Gyno squad.
- - -
It’s been three years, but Meredith feels like she’s lived through another lifetime. She is Dr. Shepherd (Dr. Grey-Shepherd had sounded too much like an old farmer), and is on her way to being a neurosurgery protégé. She’s learning from the best, after all. She’s happy. Her friends are happy. Well, except for Joe, who constantly laments that he’s lost his best customer and now has far too much tequila in stock.
The new treatment is helping her mother - Ellis Grey will never fully recover, will never be a loving parent, will never be comprehensible to her daughter, but Meredith is starting to accept that.
And Derek is perfect. Derek is all she’s ever wanted, she’s positive of that.
It’s hard to be bitter about anything when you have your McDreamy back.
- - -
It’s been three years, and Mark wonders if he’s the only one who notices.
They’ve all moved on - or at least, they say they have. They all bounce around the damn hospital like everything’s just perfect.
He thinks it’s all bullshit.
Because if he learned anything from New York, it’s that nothing is ever as simple as it looks.
No one’s ever really happy with the way things turn out.
He sees the way Karev looks at Stevens sometimes. He knows that she notices too.
He sees Callie staring at the ring on her finger and slipping it off when George isn’t around.
He sees Burke trying to reassure Cristina on the phone that she won’t lose her place in the hospital, that the baby’s not going to change anything between them, but then when he hangs up he puts his head in his hands and sighs.
He sees that vet bringing flowers in for Izzie on the anniversary of Denny’s death, and she just pecks him on the cheek before sending him home. Later Addison tells him that she found her crying hysterically on the bathroom floor.
And most of all?
Most of all, he sees the way Derek looks at Addison. The way he watches her during surgery, like she’s God’s gift to mankind. The way he rushes to bring her coffee in the morning. The way she rolls her eyes but smiles when he insists on eating lunch with her if Mark has a surgery.
He sees the way Meredith’s eyes have changed. The way she doesn’t look at Derek like a worshipping teenager anymore. The way her tone is clipped whenever she speaks to Addison - who is, after all, the Chief of Surgery.
Mark wonders if Meredith has started to see it too.
He can feel Addison shifting away from him when he tries to touch her. She says she’s tired.
“He’s still in love with you, isn’t he,” he whispers to her. “Even though he married her.”
“You’re being ridiculous, Mark.” Her voice is quiet and resigned.
“Do you think I can’t see it? Me, of all people, Addison?” It kills him to say it, but he’s always been the blunt one.
She doesn’t answer.
He sees that it’s all slipping away. Little cracks, spreading while no one says anything. Sometimes they stretch farther than they’re supposed to, and sometimes they go right back to where they started from.
Mark knows from experience that when it looks perfect, it’s all quietly starting to fall apart.