blurb
i have to go to work at 3:30, yuck. things are kinda blech right now, not as bad as before but my handy dandy numbing mechanism is working just fine. I haven't spoken to george since our big fight, and im not sure if im going to. but....How to you just stop loving someone....just flick it off like a switch...and even if im not "in love with him" i think part of me will always just love him. despite the hurt, despite everything thats happened, i cant wish it all away. my feeligns are my own and whether those feelings are good or bad their mine and they last. i feel kinda like im trying to shove a square piece into a round slot. something just isnt fitting right. I dont understand what it is, this year is so important, it could make or break me, what i do now effects me for the rest of my life so why shouldn't i be content to just fall into all the schoolwork and eveyrhting else i need. maybe its because i hate to be alone, something about me doesnt function properly all by itself, but like everyone who knows me should know , i am irrevocably screwed up. broken, have been for a very long time. but its that way, and i cant change it, its part of me. but i gotta move on, life blows, but you gotta be strong right. you survive..or you die. its pretty much the only way to live now a days. ick look at me i sound so morbid. whatever, this is just another hurdle in my way and ill jump it, ill be okay again because ill force myself to be, ill survive, ill be okay...i promise.