why work sucks more than the suckiest suck that ever sucked

[keepcrying4me]

just got home...take a second if you will to look at the time on the right hand corner of this update. past 11 at night. i was supposed to be here by 10 you know what else...i have been there since 12 in the afternoon. that blows. lol and i ripped my nail in half right down the middle and did a charming little hopping dance so as not tp swear in front of the little children. it hurts really really REALLY bad. its all bloody and half like ..ugh its gross and i have a band-aid on it but when anything touches it it hurts.gosh the highlights of my night were 1: when joann loaned me pennies and they were brand new super shiny ones...and 2: when a 50 year old ex porn star called me honeybun and leered at me . lol brilliant huh. i know about the porn bit because emanual came and told me laughing that that dude had just explained to him in explicit detail why he was buying cheeries and what he was gonna do with em and his old career and how "he hadnt been in it just for the money". lol my ghetto fabulous life . lately i've felt tired. and not like the kind of tired one nights sleep will rid you of you know. so im gonna do what i always do. when i wanna scream i smile when i wanna cry i laugh and when i wanna sleep forever im gonna force my self to work and play and make something of myself. i dont want to have to be anyones burden or anyones pitied relative. im gonna be the one to make my dreams come true. i've learned the hard way that no one else will help you. you have to do it alone. and i know its a cliche and i sound like an idiot...but i wanna make a difference, i want to real bad, not just to feel powerful or proud or something, but i want to be able to help people. to make atleast one persons life just a tiny bit better. god i sound like some droopy eyed miss america or college intern. well im out ya'll lots of love
bon nuit'
always autumn