(no subject)
ugh i feel so...i don't even know what to call it....non-existant? incomplete? i just don't know. things between sean and i have been shitty lately. it got to the point where i felt like i didn't even know him anymore. he shuts me out. he doesnt tell me what's going on with him or what he's thinking or what he wants to do. i'm sick of having a one-way conversation with myself. especially when he feels he can talk freely with my best friend, but not me..ugh idk im just upset...angry, sad, hurt.......upset. so i told him until he can let me be a part of his life, that i cant be with him because i'm tired of crying. ever since then he's been doing the whole angry, pissed off thing. you know...stompin around with his head phones on pretending like he cant see me, and acting very pissed towards anything and everything. wanna know the truth? i love him, i love him with all my heart and i have since the day i first saw him freshman year, sitting there in mrs. lindquist class with his football jersey...number 7, and his headphones, drawing away. and his grey backpack with the cracked out, smiley faced sun on it. (its still there by the way) i don't want to lose him, but i fee like he pushes me out of his life. i know he loves me, he just has trouble letting people in. idk i ended things so id stop crying...but for some reason thats all ive been doing since i ended it...crying, ugh i hate this feeling.