(Untitled)

[aegisofsilk]

Who: Open. Please tag yourselves.
What: Medieval and period dance instruction
When: After dinner!
Where: The dance hall in The Bower.

Comments

[angha_firebird]

Glancing around the dead-ended hallway, something inside Aara panics. It was too silent. They were too alone. What if she harmed him? Who would stop her here?

Gulping back rage and sudden fear, Aara takes one large step away from Xanth, gauging the distance between them and noting it would have to be enough. Her muscles were so tensed she felt as though she was made of stone. Her fists had yet to uncurl. Xanth's question startles a disbelieving laugh from her, and she finds she can't quite meet his gaze.

"People happened. Opinions happened. Right and wrong and things interchangeable happened."

Tears pricked burning eyes, and Aara angrily shook her head. She would not show such folly as to allow herself to cry. Not over this. A whimper escapes against her wishes, and Aara hangs her head in case her expression gave her sudden anguish away. Her whole body was trembling. She didn't know if it was from pent up rage, frustration, or sorrow. She snarled out a growl--angry with her lungs for making breathing difficult--for giving her away. Gritting her teeth, Aara lifted her face to the ceiling in a silent, beseeching cry, though for what exactly, she did not know.

"She's like me..."

The admission came through tightly clenched teeth.

"She's just like me..."

And there was disgust in Aara's tone. Disgust at herself.

[stillseecracks]

There's no hiding Aara's pain - not when she wears it so plainly, and not when it consumes her like fire in a bottle of liquor. She's stepped back and Xanth lets her keep the distance.

Aara's answer is, in Xanth's eyes, not a true answer. Someone has done something to upset her, yes, but he hasn't the faintest idea what. And then she continues, but still, nothing makes sense.

Xanth takes one step forward, asking, "Wh-- who's like you, A-Aara?"

[angha_firebird]

Ducking her head again, Aara quickly finds her anguish is beginning to overcome the anger and frustration roiling inside of her. She takes a minute to control her breathing before she finds her words.

"Kloe."

A whimper, then defeat.

"Kloe. Kloe is like me. Parts of us, anyway. The bad parts."

A deep breath, and pained eyes finally lift to seek Xanth out.

"She is the reason everything happened. Everyone got sick. She is... the originator of the illness. I understand why people are upset, or angry. I was, too, when Zhaneel was dying. But Xanth..."

Her expression turns from slight pain to all-out anguish, and suddenly Aara can't breathe, or she will cry. So she holds her breath instead, refusing to finish that sentence.

[stillseecracks]

"But... b-but that doesn't-- th-that doesn't make her l-like you, she, y-you're not... you didn't..."

But she did, he remembers; when Aara was ill, she hurt people. She nearly killed some of them, didn't she? And then Xanth almost tells her that she isn't like Kloe at all, but he stops short. Just as Aara didn't mean to hurt anyone, neither did Kloe.

Xanth's feelings about Kloe are mixed. She didn't intend to spread the plague like she did, but she was careless. She needed to be dealt with, somehow, but Xanth couldn't bring himself to want her dead or punished. He doesn't know what should be done.

But that's not what matters. What matters, right now, is Aara.

Xanth steps closer, goes to touch her arm. "It... i-it's not your fault. N--N-None of-- none of it was."

[angha_firebird]

A small laugh, lacking of any form of amusement.

"I hurt people. It was not my intention. She hurt people. It was not her intention." Aara's tone is bland, lacking any real emotion as she states that as fact. "Her life style now... is the same as mine was growing within the clan." Here is where Aara's anger grows back. She glares unseeing at Xanth's chest.

"I was a fool. To think I could be accepted. Appreciated. Loved." Her lip curls up in a bitter smile, disgust plain on her face.

"I would have done anything. Anything for the one who saved me. Brought me in. He gave me the only home I've ever known. So why are these happy memories suddenly tainted? Why do I look at Kloe and feel only bitterness in myself?"

And now she's ranting, and her cheeks heat with shame. She ducks her head, choking back her anger. Then Xanth moves to touch her, and while his words do nothing to ease her inner torment she finds the gesture is appreciated. Anger and vulnerability tear through her, until finally she snaps.

"I know! I know it's not!" Her tone is sharper and angrier than she intended, and she winces. She takes a step toward him, body tensed, then lifts a hand to grab a fistful of Xanth's shirt. She tugs her fist back once, only to let it thump against Xanth's chest as she clutches the material tightly in her hand. She hangs her head, breathing labored.

"They want to kill her, Xanth. One man at least wants to kill her."

And now the tears were coming, and Aara was once again struggling to draw breath.

[stillseecracks]

When Aara snaps, Xanth pulls his hand back, eyes going a little wider. He assumes she doesn't want to be touched, and he understands that feeling. But as much as he understands, he can't argue her points; he doesn't have any answers. He doesn't even know who this he Aara mentions is.

But they want to kill Kloe.

Of course they do.

Kloe deserves some kind of retribution, but death? Even in a place where death means nothing? No, that's wrong - death never meas nothing.

Xanth doesn't say a word; he just puts his arms around Aara's shoulders and draws her close.

[angha_firebird]

Focusing on getting her breathing under control proved distraction enough that Aara didn't notice Xanth's silence for a moment. She was used to it, after all. So she stares at his left shoulder, muscles tensed within her slight frame, and she breathes. She focuses solely on that--and blinking back the tears that still desperately sought to fall.

Then Xanth's arms were wrapping her chilled body in warmth as he drew her against him, and Aara couldn't fight the loud and pained whimper that tore through her as she released her hold over the control of her tears all together. Burying her face in his chest, Aara didn't try to stifle the sounds she was making. Her free hand wrapped around him, clutching him to her as if only he could anchor her and make this pain go away.

Thoughts, words, feelings warred from within relentlessly, and yet Aara had not the strength to voice any of them just yet. So she simply cried, relieved that she wasn't alone--and that her fear of harming him vanished as soon as his arms cradled her.

[stillseecracks]

As she cries, Xanth strokes her back. It's strange, like looking in a mirror but seeing only who you used to be. Aara must have been treated the way Xanth had been - only worthwhile as a chew toy or a scapegoat. Xanth feels a surge of anger, but he lets it pass.

Instead, he murmurs, "I-- I-I know-- w-what it's like. I-It's-- terrible. B-But people here... n-not all of them are-- a-are like that. Th-they know, too, o-or-- or they're better th-than that."

Most of them, at least.

[angha_firebird]

He knew what it was like, too. Aara's heart froze for a moment, hearing that, then it ached and Aara was crying for him, too. For him, and for Zhaneel, and for Kloe. For her own past--and all the pain they had each suffered.

"I know." A sniffle. Aara tentatively brought up one arm to wipe at her tears. "I know the people here are kind. Loving. They are all... more than I could have ever dreamed." A light, watery laugh.

"I ran from my Clan to find myself. To build up my own strength. But where is that strength now, Xanth? At times like this, I fear--I fear I will never be strong."

Not strong enough.

"I'm scared. What if I let someone down? What if I can not keep my friends safe? What if I am not strong enough, and..." She couldn't finish the words, and instead shook her head against Xanth's chest.

"I am sorry. I am sorry you know this pain, too, most of all."

[stillseecracks]

"Y-You can't... You don't get s-strong overn--night.. I-It's not... i-it's just not p--possible. And that's, you know, that's... o-okay. I-It's okay to-- to need help. I-Its... okay not to-- to be p-perfect."

Xanth speaks from experience, but this is not advice he would take. He's relied on so many for so long that he must surely be strong enough to stand on his own. He is, at the very least, strong enough to help others stand.

This is what he is trying to do right now.

[angha_firebird]

Gripping at his shirt with renewed strength, Aara feels firm resolve steal through her at Xanth's words. Maybe she wasn't strong enough right now. But maybe one day she would be. Could be.

Her tears were drying, and that alone let Aara feel a bit more in control of herself. Inhaling a deep, careful breath, Aara released it and moved to step the smallest bit away from Xanth, so she was no longer pressed up against him. Her hands had yet to release their hold of his shirt, however, and staring at them, Aara didn't know if she could just yet anyway.

"I want to be strong. I want to be able to protect those I consider friends and family. If that means I must work at being strong, then I will. Even if it takes me a lifetime."

More even and focused breathing.

"You are a good friend, Xanth. You always find me when I am in need."

Her head tilts, and she finally looks up at him with innocent, open curiosity. Then a small frown touches her lips.

"I do not believe I have been there as often, for you."

[stillseecracks]

Xanth's frown relaxes into a weak smile. He did find her in need time and time again, but it wasn't her fault. Then, she finishes, and he looks aside. No, she hasn't been there for him, but he holds no grudge. He doesn't expect her to hold him up when she herself can't even stay standing on her own. But he doesn't say any of this.

Crookedly smiling, Xanth looks her way. In jest, he replies, "N-No, but, it's-- i-it's really just a-- a m-matter of time b-before I'm-- bleeding o-on the floor."

A moment passes, and then the smile slips from Xanth's face. That's not funny, because it's true. He's been wounded more times than he can remember, and many of his injuries had been quite serious. That was not something to casually throw out like that.

"S-Sorry, nevermind, f--forget-- f-forget I s-said that."

OH GOSH, XANTH

[angha_firebird]

When he looked away from her, sharp pain pierced at her heart and lungs, and she looked down to the floor. This meant there was even a greater reason she needed to quickly learn how to be strong enough. Perhaps she should strive for Kanan's independence after all. She would never want to be as aloof as he was, though.

Then the rest of what he said breaks through her pensive thoughts, and Aara gasps, wide eyes turning to look up at him in horror. She stares, then realizes as he backtracks that he had been trying to make a joke.

A startled giggle escapes. Then another, and Aara ducks her head and is finally able to release her hold on his shirt so she might cover her mouth with both hands to stifle her laughter. It was probably the worst thing Xanth could have said--but it helped.

Laughing eyes smiling up at him, Aara finally removed her hands.

"Hopefully you will only be bleeding a little bit. Then I will finally be able to do something for you. One of my tasks in the clan had been to clean and wrap battle wounds. This, I will be able to do for you, at least."

he is awesome at putting his foot in his mouth :Db

[stillseecracks]

She's laughing.

Xanth stares, no longer uneasy but very unsure. Why is she laughing? That wasn't funny - that was just morbid as hell. But instead of making her shy away, he's made her happy.

Well. He's confused, but he'll take it.

He breaks into a smile and rubs at his elbow. "W-Well, if-- i-if I'm ever a-- attacked by a t-ten foot tall pig, I-- I know who to c-call."

That might sound silly, but it has happened. Xanth is just pushing it now.

LOL! A new side to Xanth I have never seen before!

[angha_firebird]

"A...a ten foot tall pig?"

She erupts into helpless giggles once more, crossing her arms over her stomach and keeling over a little. She turns wide eyes to Xanth.

"Have you seen one that big?"

She didn't think he had--she thought he was being funny.

"Yes. You can always come find me."

he's also an interdimensional boy of mystery :0

[stillseecracks]

Yet more giggles are the prize for Xanth's jokes, and he grins, triumphant.

"W-Well, you, y-you-- see things s-sometimes," he says with a shrug. No need to confirm the terrible details of the thing, as long as Aara was happy. Xanth feels... rather satisfied, in fact, that she had been so upset only minutes before, but now she was laughing because of him.

His grin softens back into a smile. "Th-- thanks, A-Aara."