(no subject)
If greenhouse gases give coatless mid-December morning, then let me advocate aerosol sprays and car exhaustion. Seriously sir, thanks for slaying the electric car so hope remains that summer air might one day bleed in to the winter solstice. When Prof. Andruski lets us out for the afternoon I will visit my closet and trade this uniform of red leather boots contrasted with a white fur coat stained yellow in parts with coffee for something lighter like polyester and canvas slip-ons. Sun is painting a crown of frizz and frazzle around the heads of the girls sitting under the windows with the drawn blinds. If my stomach could stop talking I might be able to hear what the Muslim girls are whispering about 'going...neil.. goodness!'. Maybe they could teach me something about being nice to your boyfriend. About that, where does one get off wanting to spit and punch and pour rotten milk on the person they supposedly daydream about; the one who hogs all the room in one' heart? Perhaps the muscle caged within my ribs pumps an electrical storm of anger and hate instead of a pitter patter of lightheaded feelings of tenderness. Let me blame because taking responsibility would be a bit naive in this particular catastrophe- let me blame the inevitable subconscious pile-up of hurt, crying-like feelings that were ignored instead of resolved. In my head I want to forgive and stop acting bitchy but inside where I don't know how to reach and rearrange, is a tangle of resentment that doesn't budge. On paper, he might be ideal (except for a repulsive obsession with fart jokes and farting), but when has success on paper ever breached the margins of reality? hardly. I hardly know what I am saying but let's face it, I am stuck loving someone I hate, waking up to someone I hate, yet I don't want to fall asleep next to anything but their warm, comfortable body. This is the most pathetic, helpless situation I have ever worked too hard for.