Personal realizations realized.
I've been putting off this post for a while...making sure I really thought it through.
I'm at the point where I do -know- I am better off. He is the one who refused to be honest, had complete disregard of my feelings, and failed to see my value and worth. There are times where I am still very angry that anyone would choose to treat someone else in this manner. Especially by one who claimed to have been hurt so much in the past.
But you know what...I can't even believe if that's true anymore. All I know is that he is still lying to people I know. About stupid stuff. I mean really, how insecure do you have to be to lie about everything?
Which brings me to my next point. I'm sick and tired of people always saying the same things when attacking me...Childish, Insecure, Needy.
Alrighty...I refuse to be walked over and so I stand up for myself and demand the things that I think any self respecting human being would want. I'm not a baby about it. I'm honest. I say I don't like -fill in the blank.- I don't ask for things because I feel I need them to feel validated as a human being. I ask for things because there are certain things you do not do or certain ways you do not treat people you claim to be in love with. All I want is a honest answer. Yes. No. I'm confused. I care for you, but I'm not in love anymore. I want to be with you, so we'll work it out. Those are honest answers and much less painful than lies.
I was honest about who I am, what I want, and what my intentions are. Everyone deserves that in return. It is a basic right.
On to my next point. When having dinner with a friend they made the comment that they seriously question my judgement in men. Over the past few days, that comment has really bugged me.
If this statement had been made referring to the situation a few years ago I would agree, yes. Because I knew the danger of that situation and ignored it.
But this one....EVERYONE was fooled. Even the friend who had made the comment. I refuse to be held responsible for HIS lies. If I had tried to work things out after seeing him for what he is...then yes, berate my judgement. But I didn't, nor have I even had the desire to get back together with him. I had enough sense to get the hell away from him.
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Back to the he's still lying to people I know...It brings a great comfort to me that I, or even our relationship wasn't singled out for his dishonesty. That has really helped me shed some chains of guilt.
Everyone was right, everyday it gets easier. I hate that I had to be hurt in this way...but even more so, he's hurt himself more, because now everyone sees him for what he really is, and that is harder to live down.
I'm at the point where I do -know- I am better off. He is the one who refused to be honest, had complete disregard of my feelings, and failed to see my value and worth. There are times where I am still very angry that anyone would choose to treat someone else in this manner. Especially by one who claimed to have been hurt so much in the past.
But you know what...I can't even believe if that's true anymore. All I know is that he is still lying to people I know. About stupid stuff. I mean really, how insecure do you have to be to lie about everything?
Which brings me to my next point. I'm sick and tired of people always saying the same things when attacking me...Childish, Insecure, Needy.
Alrighty...I refuse to be walked over and so I stand up for myself and demand the things that I think any self respecting human being would want. I'm not a baby about it. I'm honest. I say I don't like -fill in the blank.- I don't ask for things because I feel I need them to feel validated as a human being. I ask for things because there are certain things you do not do or certain ways you do not treat people you claim to be in love with. All I want is a honest answer. Yes. No. I'm confused. I care for you, but I'm not in love anymore. I want to be with you, so we'll work it out. Those are honest answers and much less painful than lies.
I was honest about who I am, what I want, and what my intentions are. Everyone deserves that in return. It is a basic right.
On to my next point. When having dinner with a friend they made the comment that they seriously question my judgement in men. Over the past few days, that comment has really bugged me.
If this statement had been made referring to the situation a few years ago I would agree, yes. Because I knew the danger of that situation and ignored it.
But this one....EVERYONE was fooled. Even the friend who had made the comment. I refuse to be held responsible for HIS lies. If I had tried to work things out after seeing him for what he is...then yes, berate my judgement. But I didn't, nor have I even had the desire to get back together with him. I had enough sense to get the hell away from him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Back to the he's still lying to people I know...It brings a great comfort to me that I, or even our relationship wasn't singled out for his dishonesty. That has really helped me shed some chains of guilt.
Everyone was right, everyday it gets easier. I hate that I had to be hurt in this way...but even more so, he's hurt himself more, because now everyone sees him for what he really is, and that is harder to live down.