[ my soul projector broke ]
just take a moment and think about how exhausting it is to project oneself outward constantly day after day toward so many different people and to try and find something to grab onto, something to latch onto when we let ourselves touch them. I lead a life that is constantly touching the lives of others, but sometimes I feel like I am just grazing their surface and other times I am swimming inside them and other times I am just drowning. it's exhausting because sometimes when you do it so much you just can't breathe. it's exhausting because projecting yourself outwards involves motion and activity when all you really want to do is exist, sit there in stillness and drink in what you are and what surrounds you without all this pressure to grab, to latch onto your surroundings. must I swim? can I not just... float?