Be Be Your Love: You Drive Me Crazy - Ch. 4
So, it only took me… what, 6 years to update this?
I appologize profusely.
So I rarely do this -- because I am a selfish bitch -- but I actually get a lot of help when I’m writing these, and yet I never thank anyone. So. I’d like to thank Sarah for putting up with me and going along with it when I force her to force me to write. Also for the brainstorming, cause she is a brainstorming genius. And she can tactfully ignore my whining which has hit an all time high. Basically, she’s JAN! Also she brought the shop talk when I was working on the thing at the end, which was an exercise in procrastination and boredom. And thanks to Courtney too cause she was immensely helpful with the thing at the end.
(Oh, and here is the Marksy thing if anyone cares. I just like the sexy banner! I chose a title for it, I think I'll call it Be By Your Side. They should be canon.
Whatelse… Anyone have ideas for a Hawaiian theme party?
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
“Hello?” Derek answered the phone groggily. It was more reflex then anything, he wasn’t even awake enough to realize he was actually conversing with someone.
“Come over.” Click.
Derek held the phone against his cheek for a long moment before realizing that he was given a direct order. He stole a glance at the clock and groaned when he saw 6:37am glowing up at him on his day off.
The phone rang again.
Derek hit ‘talk’ and pressed the phone loosely to his ear and grunted.
“Bring coffee.” Click.
20 minutes later Derek stood still bleary eyed at the already open door and knocked with his elbow -- just to be polite.
“What?” he demanded.
“I’m moving,” Addison tossed something into one of the many half packed boxes that were piled around Alex’s living room, and had been since she moved in almost 6 months ago. She’d never unpacked, simply picking out the things she needed as she needed them. She seemed put together but, generally speaking, she’s was slob. “Gimme coffee.” She took a long drink and she surveyed the room. “I haven’t slept.”
Derek groaned.
“I’ve been thinking.”
It was never good when her sentences were short and to the point. It worried him when she didn’t ramble. It meant that she’d made up her mind and there was no wiggle room for him to argue with her.
“We need rules.”
He sighed, “We have rules.”
Her eyes narrowed, “New rules.”
“Why?” he was tired and whining.
“I want you.” She replied simply, not even looking at him. She kicked a throw pillow out of the way and walked down the hall to her bedroom.
“You want me?” he followed her at a complete loss for words. In his experience, which was vast, when Addison decided she wanted something, she got it. “You want me.” he repeated again, looking around her bedroom which didn’t look like she was moving. Things were strewn everywhere and the bed wasn’t made. That’s how Addison’s bedrooms usually looked. There were a few boxes here and there, but, again, she’d never unpacked. It was possible that she wanted him to pack for her and was trying to distract him with other kinds of wanting. “You want me in what sense?”
Addison glanced back over her shoulder, “The biblical sense.”
“Biblical…” his eyes darted to the bed and hers followed him.
“In the forever sense.” She calmly took a sip of her coffee, her eyes lingered on the bed a bit longer, “Until one of us dies.”
“Ahhh…” He stood stalk-still for a long moment, still staring at the bed as she pulled things out of her closet -- her closet was neat and organized according to the type of garment and fabric -- and tossed them on the bed. “Dies?” he finally managed to ask.
“Can you take the backseat out of your car?”
“Until one of us dies?”
“I have a meeting with Richard at 3 and an appointment at 8 to sign the lease and I have another appointment at the bank at 10 and another at 11.”
“Dies?”
“I ordered some stuff that should be delivered to the new house at 4. You can sign for it if I’m not back.”
“Addison…”
“I might paint the bedroom red.”
“What’s going on?”
“I want you.”
“I know, but…”
“I can’t have you if I’m living with Alex. So I’m moving.”
“When did you decide this?”
“Yesterday.”
“Yesterday?”
“You yelled at Mark, in front of people, about our sex life.”
“Uhhh...”
“It made me want to kill you. But, then I saw you and I just wanted you.”
“You wanted me.”
“So, I made plans.”
“You decided yesterday that you want me?”
Addison smiled shyly and took a step closer and lay a hand flat on his chest, “I decided the day I met you that I wanted you. Yesterday I just… remembered why.”
“Why…?”
“Because, I love you. All of you. Everyday. No matter what--”
He looked at her sheepishly.
“For as long as we both shall live,” she concluded confidently.
He paled.
She faltered, her demeanor instantly becoming vulnerable. “I made some rules,” she said softly, picking up a piece of paper and glancing over it quickly before pressing it into his hand. “I want you--” her hand curled around his and she softly kissed his lower lip, “--still,” she kissed his upper lip and either corner, “And I want you to want me just as much.” She hesitated a moment before pressing her lips firmly to his and combing her fingers back through his hair to grip the back of his neck. She tilted her head a little further to the side and pressed her body flush to his and whimpered longingly when he pulled her against him and traced her lips with the tip of his tongue.
They hadn’t kissed since the night Geoff and Meredith discovered their relationship.
She sighed and pulled back a bit, then pressed one last firm kiss against his lips, “That’s definitely against the rules,” she sighed, detangling herself and looking around for something else to focus her attention on.
“I’m going to hate these aren’t I?”
“Most certainly,” unable to help herself she kissed him again -- quickly. “I’m going to shower. Read them. We’ll talk later.”
XXXX
“Who are all these people?” Meredith asked in confusion as Adrienne pushed her down the stairs and out her front door.
“The one in the black is Carlo and the short one is Wang Lee.”
“Wang Lee? Seriously?”
“Yes. Now I have a project set up for you in the back. Is there anything you need in the house? ‘Cause once Carlo’s people get here you aren’t allowed back in.”
“What are you doing to my house?”
“Experimenting with my book advance. I really think this will work. I’ve been doing some reading and it is clear to me that your Zen is murky and your Chakras are wonky.”
“I don’t understand why you are so highly respected.”
“Me neither. This was Lucifer’s idea -- in a round about way. I did some early morning research and google searches to ascertain if she was maybe on to something, and it turns out she is. She’s actually annoyingly smart. I’m just funding this little adventure and hiring the brawn,” Adrienne grinned, “Now go out back. I went to the nursery this morning, you’re going to plant a garden. Here’s your hoe.”
XXXX
Alex stretched then reached for another box out of the back of the van. He was in the process of moving Addison’s things out of her storage unit. He didn’t think she could possibly have more things that weren’t cluttering up his dinning room, living room, hallways or stacked in her bedroom, but clearly he was wrong. And furniture. For a woman that moved from a trailer, to a hotel, to a pre-furnished condo, to her boyfriends, to his guest room; she’d managed to accumulated a lot of furniture.
He picked up a box labeled ‘Addison’s Half of the Wedding China’ and ‘Fragile!’, ‘Breakable’ and ‘ATTENTION! TRANSPORT WITH CAUTION!’ in dark bold angry letters and rolled his eyes as he spotted Derek’s car turn the corner slowly as he searched for Addison’s new house. Alex disappeared inside and set the china in the corner of Addison’s dinning room and headed back outside to meet Derek.
Derek stood on the front lawn, hands on his hips, and stared at the row house. 2 stories, stone, dark blue wooden front door that would take a battering ram to knock down. It was nice. Very Seattle Addison.
“You come to help?” Alex demanded, shielding his eyes from the sun.
Derek nodded and joined Alex at the back of the van.
“These are yours,” Alex smirked as he handed Derek the box marked ‘Cowardly Prick’s Half of the Wedding China which clearly means NOTHING to him’ and ‘Kick, drop and smash if necessary’. The box rattled as Derek lifted it.
Derek stared at the box in his arms for a long moment, then broke out into a large smile. He placed it carefully on the grass and sliced through the tape with his keys. Every piece of extremely expensive bone china was smashed into impressively small pieces. He chuckled. “Do you think it broke when she threw it into the box in a blind rage, or do you think she took a hammer to it?”
“Both?”
Derek laughed again and nodded, closing the box again he carefully carried it to his car and put it in the front seat.
“So,” Alex waited until Derek joined him again at the back of the van to help him carry in a huge solid wood bookcase, “What’s the deal? Is she doing this on her own, or are you moving in too?”
“It’s just her,” Derek replied uneasily as he strained under the weight of the bookcase.
“She’s not giving you anymore chances. I think that after today she’s done with trying.” Alex lifted his end easily.
Derek tried shifting the weight so he could look behind him and not trip over the front step.
“She’ll find someone else. Easily. You know how easy she is to love. She’s done with you. So if you want whatever with her, I’d go along with her whims right now. Even if they seem insane.”
Derek paused to glare at him and trudged, backwards, up the 3 steps to the front door.
“She won’t look back. You know she doesn’t love half way, and if she decides she’s done with you, you don’t have a chance with her. Dude, she was up all night running around the apartment packing things and buying houses and furniture. She dragged her sister to an all night hardware store at 2am to look at paint chips. She’s doing this for herself, and she’s willing to share it, but it’s not an open ended offer.”
“I don’t need help with my relationship with Addison, especially not from you,” Derek clenched his teeth and carefully set the bookcase upright in the middle of the living room, “I know her. I know what she wants. I know how to give it to her.”
“Then you know that she wants this bookcase in the bedroom,” Alex pointed to the wooden staircase, “Upstairs.”
XXXX
“How come you don’t have any flowers?”
Meredith jumped, startled, and glanced up at her back deck. Opal was hanging over the side looking at her, “You scared me. Where’d you come from?”
“Your house smells. Mom made me leave.”
Meredith stared past her at the open windows of the kitchen, “Are they painting?”
Opal nodded, “I like the living room the best.”
“Why? What are they doing to the living room?”
“It’s purple to match your couch and there is a girl upstairs making new curtains. And the little man with the funny coat said that your energy was getting stuck under the couch so he moved it to the other side of the fireplace.”
“They painted the living room the same colour as my couch?”
“No. It’s a different purple. Because you’re in shock.”
Meredith smiled in spite of herself, “I’m in shock am I?”
“I dunno. Ruby said you are emotionally disturbed.”
“Okay,” Meredith laughed, “Can you tell me how many plants are left up there?”
Opal looked down around her feet, “5. But they are all ugly.”
“I know. Everything is just plain and leafy. No flowers. Just green.”
“My mom said you’re suppose-ta-be absorbing more green.” Opal stated as she balanced on her forearms on the railing and kicked her feet out behind her.
“What does that mean?”
“I dunno. They have a list. Mom said you need more colour absorption. Is that why you are emotionally disturbed?”
“Maybe,” Meredith admitted with a smile, “Tell you what Opal. You steal that list for me, I’ll take you out for ice cream and to buy some real flowers.”
“Can I help plant them? Even though I’m not emotionally disturbed?”
“Sure,” Meredith agreed, glancing at the house where Adrienne was apparently colour coding her home to offset Meredith’s emotional disturbances, “We’ll consider it preventive therapy.”
XXXX
“You’re LEAVING?”
“Yes,” Addison replied calmly her hands folded demurely in her lap, “My contract expires at the end of this month and I’ve talked to Mercy West and they have offered me a position--”
“No”
“Richard!”
“You aren’t leaving. PATRICIA?” Richard bellowed out the open door, pacing across the floor then abruptly back to stand in front of Addison, “You aren’t leaving,” he repeated as he waited for his assistant to enter the room, “Patricia, how much of a raise can I get approved to keep Dr. Montgomery?”
“Richard,” Addison protested gently, “It’s not the money.”
“And research. See what the board has on the table that she can spearhead. Something she can publish. Or teach. Do you want to teach? Something… genetics? Patricia, call the university and see if they need a professor in genetics or obstetrics or neonatal something, or… what else do you do?”
Addison raised an eyebrow, “I’m a pretty decent surgeon.”
“Right. Did you get all that? Call. Now.” Richard turned to Addison again, “You aren’t leaving, I’m finding stuff for you to do.”
“I’m not bored Richard,” Addison calmly tried to reason with him, “and I don’t want more money. I can’t… I can’t work with Derek anymore.”
“You can’t work with Derek?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t know what we are doing, but I want to try and I’m hoping that he’ll want to try -- I think he wants to try Richard, I’m almost certain. But if we try and if it doesn’t work I can’t work with him, I can’t be working with him if we can’t be together, it’s to hard. And I want us to be together and if we want to have any chance of that we need space from each other and we need privacy. I can’t even say good morning to him without people gossiping about it.”
“PATRICIA! Get Dr. Shepherd.”
“He’s right here,” Patricia stood in the door way, “Pacing, muttering about ultimatums and solid walnut bookcases.”
“Send him in,” Richard stood with his hands on his hips staring down Derek as he walked into office and stood next to Addison’s chair. “You’re fired.”
“WHAT?!?” Addison and Derek screeched in unison.
“Addison, call Mercy West and tell them you can’t accept their offer and ask if they need a neurosugeon with impeccable references.”
“But I--”
“RICHARD!” Derek roared, fury flashing across his face, “YOU CANNOT--”
“This is final Derek,” Richard replied calmly, ignoring Addison who sank weakly back into her seat, “And it’s for the best. Trust me.”
Derek stood, chin slack. He turned abruptly and glared at Addison who pointedly avoided his eye. “Unbelievable,” he spat, turning on his heel and storming from the room.
The room was still, neither Addison nor Richard moved until Addison choked back a heartbroken sob and buried her face in her hands.
“Why would you do that?” she demanded, her tears making it hard not only for her to talk but for her to be understood. Her head was already pounding. “I was up all night, planning, doing everything I could think of to make this easier for us. I called Mercy at 5 o’clock in the morning and begged for a job, I took a quarter of a million dollar pay cut. I bought a row-house sight-unseen and I’m pretty sure that I’m paying double the asking price because it’s mortgage is more then the mortgage on our first house in Connecticut. I made rules and outlined our relationship so we could get to know each other and really figure out if we could be together again. We weren’t going to rush into anything, I wanted to fix things, really fix us. We did it wrong before and we were going to do it right this time and you fired him because of me. He hates me now. It’s our last chance and he hates me.”
“I don’t want him working with Meredith.”
Addison looked up at him in surprise.
“It’s better for you if he’s not working here with her, it’s better for her if he’s working somewhere else,” Richard explained, “It might be a little awkward for you and Meredith, but sending Derek somewhere else is better for all of you.”
“Why couldn’t you have just told him that instead of yelling and firing him?” she cried.
“Because he needed to be yelled at,” Richard patted her shoulder and moved back around to sit in his chair, “He’ll figure it out. He’ll realize you’re worth it.”
XXXX
“What does emotionally disturbed mean?” Opal asked curiously as she daintily licked her ice cream cone - it was blue, purple and yellow.
Meredith stabbed her spoon into her bowl of frozen yogurt and flipped a tag over to check the price of a flowering bush. “It’s just something people say. It’s a grown up way of saying someone is sad and they don’t want to talk about it or whatever.”
“Why don’t you want to talk about it?”
“Because it makes me sadder. But thats why your mom is here. Because sometimes it’s better to talk about it, even though it makes you sadder,” Meredith replied nonchalantly, not really paying attention to Opal’s train of thought.
“Why? Why would you want to be sadder?”
“Because if you talk about it sometimes it stops making you sad. I,” Meredith paused and smiled weakly, “I feel sad all the time, and it’s not a nice feeling.”
“Why are you sad?” Opal questioned softly.
Meredith looked down at her, Opal’s eyes were dark with worry. “I just had some sad things happen to me. Grown up things.”
They fell silent and walked aimlessly around the outdoor tables of plants.
“I had a little girl,” Meredith said finally, “She died when she was a baby. It makes me sad that I don’t get to see her everyday.”
Opal nodded seriously, “My daddy lives in England. I don’t get to see him everyday either, it makes me sad. I’m I emotionally disturbed too?”
“No,” Meredith laughed, “Only grown-ups are emotionally disturbed.”
“Oh. Is your little girl why you are emotionally disturbed?”
“Yeah. That’s part of it,” Meredith picked up a few pots and handed the smaller one to Opal, “After she died it was hard on her Dad too, so he decided that he wanted to be with someone else instead of me. That made me sad because he helped me feel happy even when I missed our baby.”
“He should have stayed so you could be happy. You could get married and have another little girl. That would have made it better.”
“That’s what I thought too.”
XXXX
Knock, Knock, Knock,
Derek stared through the glass door looking for signs of life in his best friend’s house. It’s deadly quiet even though it was 2 o’clock in the afternoon. Both cars were in the driveway, so he knew they must be home. He opened the door and steped inside and immediately triped over a diaper bag as he crossed the foyer filled with boxes, strollers, two ‘big girl’ beds, a kiddy pool and a few chairs that hadn’t yet made it to their places around the kitchen table. “When the hell did this happen?” Derek asked himself outloud as he kicks away uncountable pairs of tiny sparkly sneakers.
“Who’s there?” Sydney stepped out of the kitchen and smiled when she saw Derek, “Addison need more boxes?”
“No,” he picked up a baby doll and put it in a child-size stroller, “Mark around?”
“He’s asleep,” Sydney replied as if that was what any reasonable person would be doing in the middle of the afternoon, “For the first time in a week every member of this family was asleep at the same time. What do you want?”
“Just… I need to talk to Mark,” Derek’s hands were buried deep in the pocket of the jacket he always wore no matter what the weather, and his eyes are wide and confused.
“About what?” Sydney pressed.
“Nothing,” Derek evaded, “I don’t know. I don’t… I hate Addison!” He exclaimed, “She just got me fired! And she’s… she’s changing everything! She didn’t even ask! She’s just doing things and getting me fired!”
Sydney stared at him wearily for a moment, a smile fighting it’s way across her lips until she covered her face with her hands and laughed -- an exhausted and disbelieving laugh -- but a genuine laugh none the less. “Want a cookie?”
X
“She’s just making all these decisions about our life and she’s not even asking me if it’s okay,” Derek whined and took another cookie.
“She’s making decisions about her life.”
“It effects me! She could ask!”
“It doesn’t have to effect you.”
“But it does. She made rules. I’m not even allowed to touch her for like 6 months. That effects me.”
“She made rules?” Sydney grinned.
“She didn’t sleep. She wrote rediculous rules about how I can only hold her hand on alternate Fridays and I’m stuck on first base for at least 2 weeks and I can only kiss her on full moons and national holidays.”
“She wrote them down? Can’t I see? Lemme see.”
Derek shook his head and eyed the milk, “I’m not allowed. It’s one of the rules. I’m not even suppose to be talking to you, I probably need written notarized approval or something.”
“But you were allowed to talk to Mark?
“No. There is a specific rule that says that I can’t. I was ignoring it ‘cause the rules are stupid.”
“I really doubt the rules are stupid. Addison’s annoyingly smart.” She grabbed a cookie, “Tell me. I can keep a secret. Tell Sydney the rules.”
Derek sighed uncertainly, he didn’t want to talk to her, but he needed to talk to someone, “It’s just things we can and can’t do, when we can be together, what we can do when we are together, how long we have to be together before we can do things. Who we can talk to about us, what we can say about us. It’s stupid.”
“Do it. Just do it. Seriously, do it.”
“Sydney! They’re stupid rules.”
“They really aren’t.”
“They are! We can’t have sex for 6 months! And we have to have some sort of fight first! They’re stupid!”
“She’s smarter then I thought.”
“No! She’s not! She’s a crazy woman!”
“Well ya, I never said she wasn’t slightly insane. But you like that about her,” Sydney teased, “And she likes you enough to make up these insane rules so just go along with it.”
“They don’t make sense!”
“I know you don’t believe that.”
“They don’t!” Derek insisted earnestly, “She said she wants to be with me but then she hands me this list of rules to keep me away.”
“She did not.”
“She did! The rules are insane! They are the ramblings of a crazy person!”
“I don’t believe you.”
“They are!”
“They aren’t that bad.”
“They are!”
“Prove it.”
Derek pulled the list from his jeans pocket and thrust it across the table.
“You’re an idiot,” Sydney grabbed the list and threw a cookie at him, missing by a mile.
“I am n-- You tricked me!” Derek pouted slightly, “You know, I didn’t even want to talk to you. I came here to talk to Mark!”
“Tough. Like Mark could help you anyways, he doesn’t understand women or relationships. I’m a girl so I can at least make some educated guesses on the ways of females.” Sydney slowly read through the list, laughing out loud more then once, “Okay, I’m doing some math here and you can have sex after 2 months, so quit whining. She’ll probably let you have sex before she’ll let me.”
“She won’t let you have sex?”
“I like to let her think she has a say in the matter.”
“I’m telling.”
“I wouldn’t. You have a very serious situation on your hands. You are going to want my help. Unless a life of celibacy is appealing to you.”
Derek’s eyes widened and filled with fear, “What?”
Sydney grinned, “I’m kidding. She likes you and she wants you to work out this time so she is making rules so that you don’t just fall back on old patterns of non-committal sex. She wants you to get to know each other again and not just expand your sexual repertoire. And she wants you to be in it for the same reasons and not just because you like her when she’s naked. She knows you like her naked. The whole world knows you like her naked.”
“She didn’t have to get me fired,” Derek sulked.
“No, that seems to have backfired on her,” Sydney agreed, “She just wanted you guys to have some privacy. And, you know, this way you aren’t working with Meredith which should give Addison some peace of mind.”
“These are good cookies.”
“Does this mean you’re agreeing to the rules?”
“I don’t know.” Derek sighed, “We tried before and it didn’t work out. She’s talking forever. Until one of us dies. We’ve tried. Twice.”
“Well thats stupid. Forever is a goal not an absolute. I’m never sure if my marriage will last the week, but I stay cause I’d rather be with him for another 5 days and the chance at more then cut my losses and get out.” She yawned, “I haven’t slept in a week. So are you going to do it? Are you?” She nodded her head in encouragement, “You are aren’t you? Do it. Seriously, do it. Be a man. Do it!” she looked at him seriously and lowered her voice earnestly, “Do it. Worst case scenario, you guys are together and happy for a few more years. It’s worth it. Do it.”
XXXX
“What do you think?” Adrienne stood proudly in the middle of Meredith’s foyer in paint splattered overalls with her hair in a messy curly ponytail.
Meredith and Opal glanced around, their arms full of bright and colourful flowers with ice cream stains in the corners of their mouths. “It’s nice,” Meredith shrugged.
“I started with the kitchen, living room and bedroom. The new colours are suppose to balance you and instill calmness, except the red in the kitchen -- that’s to get you to eat.”
“I like it,” Meredith nodded, “I like the curtains. And the couch looks good there.”
“It was blocking your energy before. And the mirror on that wall was pushing the energy out the window instead of letting it flow through the house.”
“Huh. Well, that explains it then.”
“Do you feel calmer and at peace?” Adrienne pushed.
“Yeah. I do,” Meredith grinned, a rare genuine grin, “Those $2 ice cream cones were completely worth it.”
Adrienne smiled, “Today was a good day?”
“Today was a good day.”
“And I had nothing to do with it?”
“You had nothing to do with it.”
XXXX
Addison moved her phone from the counter to the top of the refrigerator -- out of the way of the packing materiel that she was throwing out -- and continued to unpack. Her nose wrinkled at the amount of dust that had managed to coat her old pots and pans while sealed in boxes, and she briefly considered throwing them out and buying a new set.
But they had been a gift from her husband for their first Christmas -- a bad gag gift, which she thought was hilarious -- and they were hardly used. She sighed heavily and piled them beside the sink and turned on the hot water.
She moved her phone from the top of the refrigerator to the window sill and got to work. She glanced at the phone, willing it to ring. They hadn’t spoken about the rules yet, he hadn’t been around when she got out of the shower -- turns out he had gone over to her new house and helped Alex -- and from her conversation with Alex she suspected that Derek thought she was kidding about the Rules.
She was very serious about the Rules.
She’d, of course, seen him in Richard’s office. She was pretty sure he started to understand how serious she was then. And then she couldn’t find him to talk to him -- not that she blamed him, she’d rendered him unemployed while getting herself a raise.
As she rinsed off the first pot it occurred to her that maybe he wouldn’t call, maybe -- hopefully -- he would come over. She dried her hands and grabbed her cell phone again before walking the length of her new house to the front door and testing the doorbell.
It worked.
She glanced anxiously up and down the street and bounced a bit on the balls of her feet. It was only 7 o’clock. The sun wasn’t even completely set. It was early.
He could still come.
XXXX
Derek swallowed hard, twice, attempting to force the scotch down his throat with minimal burning.
He took aim and threw another dart at the dartboard which held Addison’s rules carefully centered over the bulls-eye. He missed. Again.
He took another drink and aimed again. He hit the ‘g’ in number 6, then missed 3 more times before hitting a rough doodle of a tree on a 3-D box, then missed again. He pulled his darts out and took aim again, hitting a subsection of rule 13, and finally gave up. The paper was sprinkled with holes, he’d hit the paper at least 20 times before the alcohol started impairing his aim. He rescued the paper and carefully folded it.
Easing onto the bar stool slowly and drunkenly he unfolded the paper again, the creases already becoming well worn, and spread it scrupulously on the counter before motioning for Joe to pour him another double.
He could only pray that everything would become clear with the vision blurring, head-pounding stomach-twisting-and-heaving, longing for death hangover that the morning would bring.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
RULES
1. At the movies there has to be at least 15 people sitting behind us. Movie ratings must be PG-13 or below.
2. If in a room together the lights must to be on, neither party can he horizontal.
3. If seated beside one another on a couch or similar, parties must be no closer then 6 inches unless some barrier such as an arm rest is present.
3.1. Any attempt to violate the aforementioned personal space boundaries as outlined clearly in rule 3 should be considered a threat to the entire agreement
4. Handholding only on weekends.
5. Parties can't be together between midnight and 6am
6. No leg touching
7. Kisses on the cheek 3 times a week, but not 2 days in a row
8. No physical contact at the hospital or within sight of the hospital. No eating at restaurants within 10 blocks of the hospital or Meredith's house.
9. Goodnight kisses only on Saturdays, and can't exceed 3 minutes. All goodnight kisses must be conducted on a fully lit front porch.
9.2. All offers of nightcaps, coffee or the like offered after the goodnight kiss must be turned down. It's a test.
10. No double dates.
11. Relationship is to be kept strictly monogamous. Failure by either party to keep relationship monogamous will result in the immediate termination of the relationship and no further chances will be given.
12. After successfully adhering to the rules the following can be amended according to the following schedule (contingent on the agreement to amend by both parties on each individual amendment):
a) Handholding (see rule 4) can increase by one extra day per week on a bi-weekly bases.
b) Distance between parties when sitting on couch or similar, as outlined in rule 3, may decrease by one inch every 10 days.
c) 1(one) extra kiss on the cheek, per week, will be granted on a weekly bases. In adherence to the consecutive days clause (rule 7) kisses on the cheek may be given on the same day provided that it's a weekend.
d) Good night kisses (rule 9) may be lengthened by 30 seconds with each date (see 'What Constitutes a Date' below) after 3 weeks of adhering to all rules.
13. The sexual relationship between parties will follow, for simplicity sake, the 'Bases' which both parties are familiar with and therefore trickery or claims of 'it was different when I was in high school' will not be tolerated. There is a mandatory 3 week waiting period between agreeing to the rules and entering back into a sexual relations as outlined below. The three weeks should be used for reflection and quality time together. Bases are as follows: First, Second, Shortstop, Third, Home. The following conditions apply:
13.1. The duration of time spent on first base must be at a minimum 18 days but cannot exceed 1 month. Should first base last more then 1 month with either party feeling that the relationship has not progressed sufficiently to warrant progression to Second base then the relationship will be terminated.
13.2. The duration of time spent on second base is as stated for First base (see Rule 13.1) with the added condition that parties have gone on 6 dates within the second base time frame.
13.3. Short stop is a gift not contingent on anything aside from a delay of 10 days from the commencement of Second base.
13.4. Third base may be explored at the discretion of both parties as long as a minimum of 6 weeks has elapsed since commencement of the bases. Parties must have survived 1 major disagreement which has resulted in tears for one or both parties, and yelling for a duration of at least 1 hour and the inability to be around each other for 24 hours. With this comes the amendment for possible sleepovers (after a minimum of 10 days on Third base) and shared living arrangements should the introduction of sleepovers make the need for separate dwellings obsolete.
13.5. A Home Run can not be achieved until Parties have had 'The Fight'. If 'The Fight' has not been had within 4 month of the writing of these rules then the relationship; personal, profession, sexual, etc will be terminated. A home run can not be achieved through simple continuation of base rules. Set amount of times and dates will not be sufficient enough to progress to this, the final stage.
14. The relationship, sexual or otherwise, will not be discussed with outside parties, aside from general simplistic responses. For example, "How are you and Addison doing?" "Good." If an outside party persists further, always be prepared with a topic change (ex: "So, how 'bout those Mariners?") In the event of relentless prodding by said other parties, retaliation with a compliment or outburst the likes of which will be sufficient in ceasing all conversation is allowed.
14.1. a) Parties may choose 1(one) confidant in whom they can confide and seek advice. These confidants may not take the place of either party when it comes to important matters in relation to the afore mentioned relationship.
14.1. b) The chosen confidant must have no personal investment in the success of the relationship so as not to persuade either party to do something that is not in the best interest of either party or the overall well-being of the relationship.
14.1. c) Acceptable confidants include: Catherine Shepherd and Adrienne Montgomery. Unacceptable confidants include Mark and Meredith.
14.1. d) Chosen confidant must be disclosed in full to both parties and an alternative is never allowed
15. Parties will take tango lessons in lieu of any kind of therapy or counseling as Seattle is full of head shrinking quacks. Lessons in and of themselves do not count as dates.
16. Dates shall not be referred to as such. It just sounds ridiculous for us to date. This is a label-less monogamous relationship. I am not your girlfriend, you are not my boyfriend, we are not a couple. We are simply ascertaining if we can spend the rest of our lives together in a happy and loving way. Should rule 13.5 be reached and both parties are still committed to the furthering of the relationship until the death of one of the parties then appropriate labels will be discussed and new rules created as necessary.
17. Parties can not be together when intoxicated. Parties get grabby.
What Constitutes a Date
1. Dates must not consist of more than 30 minutes of work talk. We spent the majority of our lives at the hospital; there's no need to talk about it excessively when we're not there.
2. Must be at a set time and location and planned at least 3 days in advance in order to count towards the time increase of the goodnight kiss
3. Spontaneous dates are encouraged and in some ways preferable
4. Neither party should appear as though they are trying too hard to make a date work. if such an event occurs, parties must return to their respective homes and try again another night
5. Planned dates must cost the male party at least $100, be a minimum of 3 hours long and include 2 activities, including food as the female party must be fed.
6. Female party's outfit/hair must be sincerely complimented until compliment is sincerely returned.
7. Female party must be picked up at her doorstep. If this is impossible due to extenuating circumstances then other arrangements can be discussed.
8. Dates may not in anyway include The Emerald City bar.
9. Co-workers must be avoided at all costs. In case of accidental meeting of co-workers parties must immediately begin making excuses to extract themselves. Diversions are permissible, setting small fires is not.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
So there’s that.
Why are these people so damn MESSY!
Anyhoooo.
Reviews are like JAN! And if you don’t get that, well then you aren’t Me or Sarah.
Comments will get you lei’d.