Catching up
I hate the way everyone is overlooking my situation, and making me feel small-minded and naive.
Just because I'm only doing two subjects this semester, it doesn't make it any easier.
I totally missed the first month of UNI, and ever since I started, I had to constantly keep up with every oncoming lecture and tutorial, whilst trying to balance my time to catch up on the ones I've missed too, which are unfortunately, the ones which present the fundamental ideas required to build upon your foundation of knowledge. Especially with Accounting. Without grasping the concepts in the earlier chapters, I really have little hope understanding the latter. I know its obviously not as difficult as actually doing four different subjects, but I just really wish people could understand the reality of my situation.
Everyone thinks I'm doing fine now, that I'm normal now, but I'm not. I am still struggling with my health. I have trouble breathing all the time, and its not so easy to just sit at my table and study. Its hard to concentrate on what I'm reading, because at the same time I'm also trying to concentrate on my breathing. Even just putting the effort into travelling out to city, and attending lectures and tutorials, it strains me. Carrying a moderately heavy bag strains me. Carrying one too many textbooks strains me. Walking too fast strains me. Travelling on a bumpy train, along a bumpy road. It strains me.
I just hate when people say to me, "Jenny, you only dooo TWO subjects." or, "Jenny, at least you only dooo TWO subjects." Yeah, well you think I fucking wanted to? You think I'm not going to pay the price when I try to cram the other two subjects I missed next semester? or in summer school, when everyone else is enjoying their holidays? or if I had to prolong my degree just to catch up? I didn't want things to turn out this way. Its not like I chose to do two subjects for indulgence of it. I wanted to start uni at the end of February, just like everyone else.
If I had the choice, I'd rather nothing ever happened to me. I'd rather be normal and healthy and endure four subjects like everyone else, than trying to balance my health and my workload, and live the fucking impaired lifestyle that I do, even if it means I have the "luxury" of only do two subjects this semester.
I'm trying my best to catch up. But its really hard when I don't have much support. I do get moral support from my loved ones, but most others are just putting me down and holding me in contempt because I seem to be having it the easy way.
Just because I'm only doing two subjects this semester, it doesn't make it any easier.
I totally missed the first month of UNI, and ever since I started, I had to constantly keep up with every oncoming lecture and tutorial, whilst trying to balance my time to catch up on the ones I've missed too, which are unfortunately, the ones which present the fundamental ideas required to build upon your foundation of knowledge. Especially with Accounting. Without grasping the concepts in the earlier chapters, I really have little hope understanding the latter. I know its obviously not as difficult as actually doing four different subjects, but I just really wish people could understand the reality of my situation.
Everyone thinks I'm doing fine now, that I'm normal now, but I'm not. I am still struggling with my health. I have trouble breathing all the time, and its not so easy to just sit at my table and study. Its hard to concentrate on what I'm reading, because at the same time I'm also trying to concentrate on my breathing. Even just putting the effort into travelling out to city, and attending lectures and tutorials, it strains me. Carrying a moderately heavy bag strains me. Carrying one too many textbooks strains me. Walking too fast strains me. Travelling on a bumpy train, along a bumpy road. It strains me.
I just hate when people say to me, "Jenny, you only dooo TWO subjects." or, "Jenny, at least you only dooo TWO subjects." Yeah, well you think I fucking wanted to? You think I'm not going to pay the price when I try to cram the other two subjects I missed next semester? or in summer school, when everyone else is enjoying their holidays? or if I had to prolong my degree just to catch up? I didn't want things to turn out this way. Its not like I chose to do two subjects for indulgence of it. I wanted to start uni at the end of February, just like everyone else.
If I had the choice, I'd rather nothing ever happened to me. I'd rather be normal and healthy and endure four subjects like everyone else, than trying to balance my health and my workload, and live the fucking impaired lifestyle that I do, even if it means I have the "luxury" of only do two subjects this semester.
I'm trying my best to catch up. But its really hard when I don't have much support. I do get moral support from my loved ones, but most others are just putting me down and holding me in contempt because I seem to be having it the easy way.