(no subject)
Post secret really reached out to me with todays secrets. More this set than any other i think, because of changes I'm making in my life and fears I'm realizing, mostly.
basically, I'm learning to become the person i want to be. i spend a lot of time trying to fix relationships or "friendships" with boys (and girls) who don't matter or apologizing for things I don't really feel were that wrong to girls (and boys) who are the first to find something wrong in me.
work stresses me out
to the point that i don't have time for pointless stresses, fighting, or arguing.
i come home and cry every day. i know this is a challenge, but it kills my spirit.
it really truly does and it scares me.
i fear that the next time jon or anyone else starts a fight or a discussion with someone turns into an argument with that someone and THAT turns into a fight or whatever, i'll just terminate that relationship because i don't have it in me to argue.
Everyone's always so defensive. I don't know. I don't work that way any more.
I'm scared as fuck to leave. I've never been able to picture myself as a college student, on my own or otherwise, let alone as an "adult".
I'm afraid I'll die beforehand because I've really always felt that way.
That's something to get past and I'm working on it, along with my weight which is incredibly out of control. Everyone's afraid to say it except my mother and it's starting to make me hate her which is unfortunate because we've been getting so close lately.
Taking a deep breath and just doing my own thing. Everyone who wants to pull me down or corner me or make me feel less: Fuck you. Karma's a bitch and in the end you will be alone.
Ps- Andy, you're a waste of time. I don't want to be your friend.
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_a7jkcMVp5Vg/SlAdbhQdcaI/AAAAAAAAJP4/xDRcXVeIUUw/s1600-h/getoverit.jpg
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_a7jkcMVp5Vg/SlAeCzPgi8I/AAAAAAAAJRQ/TCj1APELwUM/s1600-h/afear.jpg
i'm always everyone's number one fan. When will someone be mine? And just say "You're doing great!" or "You look great" or "I'm proud of you" and actually mean it?
It's exhausting but maybe I deserve that to.
Or maybe not.
basically, I'm learning to become the person i want to be. i spend a lot of time trying to fix relationships or "friendships" with boys (and girls) who don't matter or apologizing for things I don't really feel were that wrong to girls (and boys) who are the first to find something wrong in me.
work stresses me out
to the point that i don't have time for pointless stresses, fighting, or arguing.
i come home and cry every day. i know this is a challenge, but it kills my spirit.
it really truly does and it scares me.
i fear that the next time jon or anyone else starts a fight or a discussion with someone turns into an argument with that someone and THAT turns into a fight or whatever, i'll just terminate that relationship because i don't have it in me to argue.
Everyone's always so defensive. I don't know. I don't work that way any more.
I'm scared as fuck to leave. I've never been able to picture myself as a college student, on my own or otherwise, let alone as an "adult".
I'm afraid I'll die beforehand because I've really always felt that way.
That's something to get past and I'm working on it, along with my weight which is incredibly out of control. Everyone's afraid to say it except my mother and it's starting to make me hate her which is unfortunate because we've been getting so close lately.
Taking a deep breath and just doing my own thing. Everyone who wants to pull me down or corner me or make me feel less: Fuck you. Karma's a bitch and in the end you will be alone.
Ps- Andy, you're a waste of time. I don't want to be your friend.
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_a7jkcMVp5Vg/SlAdbhQdcaI/AAAAAAAAJP4/xDRcXVeIUUw/s1600-h/getoverit.jpg
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_a7jkcMVp5Vg/SlAeCzPgi8I/AAAAAAAAJRQ/TCj1APELwUM/s1600-h/afear.jpg
i'm always everyone's number one fan. When will someone be mine? And just say "You're doing great!" or "You look great" or "I'm proud of you" and actually mean it?
It's exhausting but maybe I deserve that to.
Or maybe not.