Funny how the small things count
"I woke up today and I felt good. The warm breath of my boyfriend sliding down the nape of my neck with each of his inhales and exhales, his stomach presses hotly to the small of my back. An arm is draped over me, hand cradling my stomach. Our knee's are crocked together, my butt resting familiarly on his thighs. This is how i wake up most mornings, though sometimes we are rolled the other way and I've got my arm draped over him, pressing my hand against his stomach aka abs, but my breathe tickles the muscles of his back, my knees nudge against the back of his thighs and i cradle his butt between my hips. Today, however, my awakening stirr made him slip slightly awake, and he rolled onto his back extending his limbs in a lazy stretch. Less than elegantly i flipped over to face him just as he ended his stretch and dropped his left arm around me, pulling me in to nestle against his chest. Eyes full of sleep turned to me, and that shine appeared as does the smallest of sleepy grins. 'you're so beautiful,' he murmurs. Heart skipping a beat, smile on lips, my cheek snuggled onto his chest. When my alarm sounded many hours later, and I went to my very early monring class, no cold could find a way to make me shiver."
I wrote this for a little non-fiction prompt early this year and my goodness i remembered this morning, because i woke up and i cannot ever remember feeling so wonderful in all my life. but then i realized that wasn't true becuase yesterday i woke up feeling the same way, and the day before that too, and the day before that...basically, waking up next to clayton is just one of those little things in life that i really love.
I took stock of my life recently, and realized how much of it had changed. I am not persuing the career i wanted, and I've got a minor that i'm less and less happy with every time i leave Introduction to Modern Publishing. I've come to realize that my relationship with ym sister is practically dead becuase i dont know who she is anymore. About half the girls i went to highschool with and was "friends" with back then don't talk to me anymore, so i stopped trying to talk to them. A good portion of those "friends" have joined sororities, along with some of my "friends" here at SU - which i think is why i've been looking at my life, that and my housing plans failed...
Here at SU housing is (for the time being) slightly limited. Freshman get four dorms that (all but one) are entirely freshman only dorms. For upperclassmen (sophs juniors seniors) there is Sassafrass which apartment style suites for 6-8 ppl and a few townhouses, West Hall which is basically a larger version of my current freshman dorm, and West Village which are a group of apartment stlye for groups of 4. Aaaand thats it. So the Uni does a lottery to determine who goes where and everybody get a lotto number. Now i was trying to get a group of people together and it seemed like it was going to pan out. the people we had, had good lotto numbers and a good group in general as i was close with three of the ppl and the other four were pretty chill. Then monday the other 4 decided to drop out of those plans based on a sudden friendship with a girl down the hall. this left me clay and my two friends in the ditch with a need for new plans. the one girl is now on the list for her sorority house, my other friend is hoping for the writers house or something else.
Me? I'm hoping against hope that my parents let me do a double with clayton. I've been trying to play my cards right with them and i think it might be working; ive said i dont want to live in a single cuz i'll wind up alone in west village with junior/seniors whom party hardcore (which they do) or i'll wind up in a double with some bitch i dont like which is more stress than its worth, all of which is true. my mother seemed very against it, my father, very shockingly, was way more realistic about it than her. he wont let me do a single but wants me to consider entering a random double, i dont know how to tell either of my parents that i fear being put with the other sophs bc they are either ppl who dont shower or are preppy, slutty, bitches who party and drink and i am NOT okay with that. So i'm hoping. plust its not good for clayton either cuz he cant afford a single and if he gets a double he might get stuck with a douchey person like the kind that tortured him in highschool...
My point is, that ^^^ whole process made me realize i've never really had close friends my own age. not in middle school, not in high school, and not now in college. Sure i have my friends here like Chelsy Megan Katie and Dan but lets face it, they are all closer with other people than they are with me. As i said earlier, the majority of my highschool friends dont talk to me any more and those that do, well, they are just doing it becuase i talked to them first. Even here on fandom, i love you all, but let's face it, do any of you really consider me your close friend? My only close friends over the past years have been Jeff, Jim, and Tony. All adults, all male. And i barely even talk to any of them anymore. Not even my own sister, is really my friend. I love her, she is my sister, but she's not my friend. She's this person i'm just starting to get know, and i don't know if i like her yet. Its that complicated with her right now....
But in the end, every morning i wake up next to Clayton. He takes one look at me, smiles, and either hugs/kisses me, says he loves me or tells me i'm beautiful. It doesn't matter how many friends I have, loose or gain over the years becuase I know that each morning I am going to wake up next to my best friend, and the love of my life. And it will be simply amazing.
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