So much has happened...
Just realized I have not updated this journal in forever. Maybe if I try to keep posting more often I can finally realize what is it that keeps blocking me from having success in my life regarding job, partner, health, etc. Been thinking a lot about my friend in Virginia whom I was close to for a long time and have a lot of respect for. She's dying of pancreatic cancer and is expected to not last much longer. I received photos of her that a friend sent me via email today and it really hit me how little time she has left now. I am glad I have told her that I love her and that I have been able to talk to her on the videophone a few times since I found out she was diagnosed last year. She's the kind of person I would hope to be, friendly, accepting, never spoke an unkind word about people, even though she had reason to. She kept her adult mentally challenged daughter home with her when people kept telling her to put her daughter in a group home when she became an adult. Her daughter was a challenge, temperamental, moody but she was loyal to her daughter. Her husband passed away of a massive heart attack two weeks before their 40th wedding anniversary and this nearly crushed her but she kept going. I'm sorry I didn't keep in better touch with her over the years when I moved to Texas but at least she knows I have loved her. It makes me feel like I'm really wasting my life, doing nothing to move forward and be more proactive in getting out and making changes. Every time I feel like I'm moving forward, I seem to take two steps backwards and it gets frustrating. People tell me God has a plan for me but I sure don't see it. They say He opens a window and every time I try a different path, I get a road block. I'm trying to find out what I'm passionate about right now and maybe reviving my writing will help that. We'll see. I'm off to bed.