(no subject)
My mom was supposed to come down to visit, and I've been looking forward to it since last week, but she just called tonight and had to cancel. I'm just kind of disappointed because... I don't know why. I've been really stressed out lately, and it was going to be nice to see someone not at all associated with this place. Plus, she's my mom, and after all the crap I've been through with her, I feel closer to her now that I'm gone. Which I know is silly. I guess we just don't have the time together to waste away on squabbling. So anyway, I'm disappointed. Plus, we were going to go to lunch, and I was wayyy looking forward to that, because I hateee the food here. I'm surprised I'm still alive, I hardly ever eat in the dining halls. I've been living off like junk food-- which is also bad. I just feel stuck here. Stuck in this major. Stuck in this school. Stuck in this way of life. Would it be so bad to just go off and join the Peace Corps? Or backpack around Europe for a few months? I probably wouldn't want to come back here after anything like that.. Oh well. At least I'm going home for Thanksgiving next week, and I'll be able to see my friends. I feel so disconnected from everyone out in Amish country. I feel like it's all of my friends...and then me. And it sucks. It's beyond feeling left out. I feel disconnected. But, probably everyone feels that way to an extent. So, hopefully, it'll be good to see each other again. And then, there are only a few weeks until the end of the semester. What a trip, right?
At the same time, it feels wrong to be living from week to week, just waiting for this to be over. This is college, not a jail sentence. That's why I feel stuck, I think. Because... if I felt right here, I wouldn't be counting down the days until I'm home.
I think this is the part of freshman year that they don't tell you in high school. "You really might hate it at first, and really miss high school, but just stick in there. Things get better." At least, that's what I'm telling myself this is. I think for some people, it's just a harder transition than it is for others. I think I'm much more of a homebody than I ever realized when I was..well, at home.
At the same time, it feels wrong to be living from week to week, just waiting for this to be over. This is college, not a jail sentence. That's why I feel stuck, I think. Because... if I felt right here, I wouldn't be counting down the days until I'm home.
I think this is the part of freshman year that they don't tell you in high school. "You really might hate it at first, and really miss high school, but just stick in there. Things get better." At least, that's what I'm telling myself this is. I think for some people, it's just a harder transition than it is for others. I think I'm much more of a homebody than I ever realized when I was..well, at home.