the things we do for love
Title: the things we do for love
Author: kdsaj2
Rating: PG-13 (with implied, non-heavy sexual content)
Pairings: Onsided 2x KhunYoung, Khuntoria, (Implied KhunU too...read and you will understand)
Genre: Angst, dark
Summary: Nichkhun doesn't care. Wooyoung is the perfect liar.
Disclaimer: I do not own, if i do ya can't have.
A/N: So i had a fun idea, there are actually two fic in there. they are entwined and juxtaposed together. Since i thought that the theme was the same it's not really juxtaposition but I'm sure it'd flow better. The Italic and none italic are of two different POV, don't get them mixed up ;D
Lastly it is unbetaed, so please forgive, if you see any glaring mistakes let me know kay ?
the things we do for love
Somewhere, in between heartache and resignation he gave up on caring altogether. He allowed the pain to seep away and masked his face of the raging emotions that lies within. He’s afraid, he’s afraid that if he didn’t hold back well enough, if he didn’t show some sort of temperance then it’d all crumble away. Everything he holds dear.
So delicately, as if teaching a glass canary to take flight, he’d handle it with the utmost care. Step, by step. Until that everything was his own.
__._.__
It hurts. He decided when all he could do was cry and watches as the love of his life hold, kiss and devote himself to someone else, someone who’s not him. Yet he can’t scream, he can’t fight he can’t even voice out how much it would be better, so much better if he was his alone. But that’s just a fantasy.
Fantasies are not to be lived, to be felt, to be held by the senses. It’s what the heart longs for and what the body desires. It’s what the mind conjured up to lessen the pain, the blow of reality.
But then, he couldn’t have cared less if it was just a fantasy. He wanted every part of it. He would be lying if he couldn’t admit to that simple truth.
__._.__
The moon was supposed to be full tonight. It explains why his footsteps, once dry and arid, were now consumed completely by sea water. He watched silently as lonely tides broke the virgin sand at his feet, he watched as foam like bubbles eroded the silky texture. He pretended that he was losing a little bit of himself every time the water receded. Carrying away-of what he metaphorically referred to as-the parts of him that didn’t want to do this. The righteous, the humane, the sane part of his being.
__._.__
“How are you feeling Woo?” his smile was intoxicating. How could he be so perfect? Why couldn’t he have been dumb, fat and ugly instead?
“A lot better now, the medicine’s really helps” he smiled sincerely back.
“Good, well I got to head off to work, Vic’s downstairs, call if you need anything okay?” a hand reached out to ruffled up his hair affectionately. It’s the wrong kind though, brotherly, sickeningly so.
He nodded silently and waited for the resounding click of the door. Then, he reached for the neatly place pills and water glass on the nightstand. He drank the water and crushed white pills into dusts. Dumping it in the small open crevice where his bed meets the wall.
Ironically, he was the perfect liar.
__._.__
Small hand grabbed his own. Fingers entwined strangely unfitting. He looked up at innocent brown orbs. Perfect flushed cheeks. Pink lips. Gentle smile. Everything’s there, every feature, but it’s all wrong. So wrong.
“N-Nichkhun oppa, are you alright?” he asked hesitantly. He smiled in response, nodding his head lightly before squeezing her small hand in his own. He could practically hear her little trembled.
It’s ironic; he thought to himself. This person is the one, the one. When he wasn’t, he was a friend, best friend, and brother, nothing more. Yet this person, this very person thought that he was the one. It’s almost to cruel to think of, yet his heart rejoiced at the opportunity.
He took it, and gave up on caring.
__._.__
It’s perfectly understandable why he fall so hard love. From that warm smile to loving personality, there’s not much else he needed in a lover.
Clumsily he realized a little too late that things will never be the same. They couldn’t go back to being just friends, just brothers. Snuggled together for warmth or taking shower together to save time. At least he didn’t think so.
“Hey you’re up” Victoria’s smile was gorgeously bright, it was really off-putting “you feeling okay?” she asked, hand gently rubbing his shoulder, like a caring mother. He hated it. Why couldn’t she have been old, vile and unkind instead? She was just too beautiful as a person.
But a quick glance that the white gold band on her finger he decided that he hated her nonetheless. ‘I wish you’d just drop dead’. He thought bitterly.
“I’m good, you look great today” he smiled sweetly at her, feeling the bile of his own depiction crawling up his throat. He pushed it down again.
He was too good of a liar because she just blush and giggled happily, acting much like an older sister around a cute little brother. Who hated her.
__._.__
Shallow breaths became drawn out. Beads of sweat evaporate into unseen particles. Thrashing heartbeats gave way to a slowed rhythm. None of those things, his own. He felt nothing. It’s not the same he remarked.
He was sure that by now there was crescent indents scattered all over his back but he couldn’t bring himself to worry. No one who matters would see it anyways. He put on his shirt slowly, relishing the feel of soft cotton on his skin. He got off the bed and made his way toward the door.
He gave her once last look. He sheets tangled around her lithe form, the light of the full moon through the window played upon her feature flawlessly. He focused on her bruised lips, the one she begged for him to take, to claim, to make his. But it’s not the same. Simply, like tides on virgin sand. He simply did what needed to be done, for his own benefits.
He gave a soft chuckle before turning away “I still can’t remember your name” she mentioned it a dozen times “…Ji-eun is it?” it didn’t really matter.
The door closed behind him with a soft click.
__._.__
A loud crash can be heard echoing throughout the house. He wondered if it was that rickety old ladder that they never got rid of. The old he had requested to but thrown away when she moved in. But Victoria had said that it still works fine. He smiled darkly when he heard a weak voice called out his name.
“W-wooyoung! Wooyoung!! can you hear me?! P-please call 991, ca…” he drowned it out after that. It was pitifully ironic.
He reached over to his night stand and picked up the forlorn pill. He reached for the glass of water as well and in one gulp he swallowed the medicine.
A smile playing upon his lips as the noises from down stair getting weaker and weaker until it thinned out completely. He hoped she was okay. Well, that would be him lying again. A dark chuckle left him as he laid his head down onto the pillow and closed his eyes. The drowsy feelings are welcome this time. It was soothing; it was just what he wished for.
Several hours later, when there was a huge commotion downstairs and red and blue light flashing through his window curtain he woke up to solemn faces. Several minutes later when the full account had been briefed for him those solemn looks turned into pity at his convulsing, bawling form. He cried his eyes out until all that’s left are dry sobs.
He truly was the perfect liar.
__._.__
“I’m sorry Woo” he said. Holding onto the younger tightly.
“It’s not fair hyung! S-she was so young, why would she do something like that” he sobs only intensified.
“Shhh…it’s alright, we’d all pray for her” he reassured and smiled lovingly when a small hand reached for his own. Entwined their fingers into something intrinsically right.
He didn’t care if he’d burn in hell later for his sins. He didn’t care if the world crumbles from the wickedness of his heart. Nichkhun knew full well that he’d lose his soul though. He knew that he would face the stab of karma sooner or later. But if it’s Wooyoung, for his own selfish heart, he’d gladly pay the price.
__._.__
He believed in a ‘hell’ as well as a ’heaven’. Those unseen things plagued his minds for the sole purpose that when the hurly burly’s done. Nichkhun would be in heaven, with victoria and he would be walling in the deepest corner of Lucifer’s playground.
It hurts, to be holding on when what you held onto is a slipping wish. A perpetual cycle of things he was too ashamed of admitting.
But, at the same time. He was holding onto Nichkhun and that was enough. His soul, his mind and his body can perish as long as his heart can continue this perpetual happiness, this feeling of warmth, this feeling of being wanted, needed. He stroked the older man’s hair lovingly.
“You okay?” he asked tenderly, already knowing the answer.
“A lot better now” Nichkhun looked up and smiled wistfully at him, brown eyes still held painful tears but he had expected it. Nichkhun was faithful, even if it had been a year. He was just happy that he was able to hold him again, feeling that warmth and soft heartbeat. Ironically he felt more comforted than what he was sure he was offering in return. “Thankyou, for everything Woo” Nichkhun said and buried his face back on his shirt again. A silent sob left him and he smiled softly. It felt right.
Wooyoung might be living in a fantasy, might be trying to prolong the inevitable but it was enough. He might be denying the love of his life a chance at happiness but his selfish heart had won. So he did not care that it was a dream, a fantasy or a lie. He was the perfect liar; he deserved to live his happily forever after in that lie. Suddenly, it didn’t hurt so much anymore.