I'm still alive
Title: I'm still alive
Author: kdsaj2
Genre: AU, angst, drama
Rating: PG-13+
Language, implied smut, however nothing explicit. (implied, implied)
Pairings/Characters: JayKhun
Summary:
“ You shakes your ass in front of strangers for money, it’s not much different!”
“Shit fuck it’s different ! I have my clothes on at all time and I don’t do it for money, and I don’t fucking shakes my but, it’s called dancing asshole”
“Yeah yeah, see if I ever invite you to a strip club ever again, I even brought flavor condoms and everything”
“Eww keep those to yourself”
Author Comments: : UNBETAED so mistakes are....abundant..This was also intended to be short but now it's like 2000+ words.
My first JayKhun, hope you guys enjoy. I am also in an angsty mood :D
I also realized that Khun maybe a bit OOC but you know..xD
Also as you reads, the italics should match up with the non italic part of the storyline later on
I'm Still Alive
Have you ever been, so unsure ? So doubtful, of everything, of your own self. It rips away at you, willing you to stood still, suspended, as your heart wilted away into nothingness. Well it seems that our poor Prince knows it best. He is currently suffering from loneliness laying there on his empty king size bed, eyes boring whole into the white ceiling above, hand gripping the cold sheet.
---
“How did we get here ?” he whispered hoarsely into the emptiness.
_____
The cold rain was making it very hard to keep his eyes open in the lecture as the monotone professor droned on and on about things that held no relevant to his current situation, bored and horny. Yes that is correct. Nichkhun Buck Horvejkul is horny as hell and there is no remotely good looking people around. Not worth the effort to melts their tiny little hearts and have to find a paper bag later. Beside, he had a feeling that his plight would be taken care of, very soon. Call it instinct, perverted, playboy instinct. Suddenly his blackberry vibrated lightly, he discretely pulled it out and checked the flashing screen.
Hey, what are you doing? Wanna hang out ?
He smirked at the colloquial text. Perfect.
Sure, out for coffee right now, meet me at my apartment in 15 minutes
He replied quickly before ducking out of the crowded room, grabbing his backpack and jacket before making his way out of he large double doors pf the university. The cold rain enveloped him almost instantly.
_____
“ You shakes your ass in front of strangers for money, it’s not much different!”
“Shit fuck it’s different ! I have my clothes on at all time and I don’t do it for money, and I don’t fucking shakes my but, it’s called dancing asshole”
“Yeah yeah, see if I ever invite you to a strip club ever again, I even brought flavor condoms and everything”
“Eww keep those to yourself”
_____
When Nichkhun reached his upscale downtown apartment and opened the door without his keys he knew that his guest had arrived. He licked his luscious lips as the cold rain deposited upon his body vaporize into the air. This is going to be exciting.
“Hey man, you’re home” a familiar voice stated as he stepped into his vast kitchen.
Park Jaebeom, or Jay, his best friend, stood a few feet away from him, empty coffee cup in hand, not quite paying attention to Nichkhun however, unless Nichkhun was a coffeemaker. He was amused as to why his guest was so busy looking at his coffeemaker and not him and was weird out by the fact that Jay looks so at home that it made him feels…
“Yo! Seriously, your coffee maker suck !” Jay cursed loudly, hitting the defiant machine lightly
He didn’t replied, Nichhun simple closed the distance and pressed his body flushed against his friend’s.
“I know, but I am sure we can work some ‘sucking’ issues out” he whispered.
“Ha, yeah, is that your pick up line at Starbucks ?” Jay replied, not bothered to turn around.
“Okay listen, I am really bored, really horny and I hadn’t screwed around in 2 days, so let’s make this happen, hmm ?” his hands found their themselves on slender hips, he sounds like a spoiled asshole, oh well, no so far from the truth.
“Uh no thanks, and ew, you’re wet !” Jay pushed away from him and the empty coffee cup on the counter.
His friend walked into his living room and Nichkhun follows, licking his lips. Jay was an enigma in his world. It took him 2 years to get into his good graces, another for him to weasel his way into Jay’s list of best friends or ‘bros’ as the other man would call it, then another half year for the other man to feel comfortable around him and just last month for him to agrees to sleep with him. Too much work he had stated to himself, he couldn’t just be suave, or charming, he had to also be open, honest and so much more, thus Jay had already know of his many…rendezvous and had called him a ‘manwhore playboy‘ once, he shrugged it off. Jay was worth it, he was simply his best conquest ever because he was simply the hardest to get (still) and also one of the hottest.
As Nichkhun stepped into the doorway Jay was bending over and he almost had a heart attack and a certain tightness in his designer jeans sprang ever more into life. But the other man stood straight back up, hand holding a pink Wii remote. Oh.
“Seriously Jay, I just told you about my plight and you’re just going to play Wii Bowling anyways ?” He pouted.
“Seriously Khun I ask if you wanna hang out not have sex, and what plight ? Use your hand, man! Or both if you’re even that big” Jay snickers. “You playin’ ?”
Nichkhun simply ignored the question as he heard the perfect opening. The fast tracked over to his friend but just as Jay handed him his own remote he pushed the other against the nearest wall.
“Hey what the hell ?! Stop it !” Jay squirmed, which was interesting the other man was older and even though vertically challenge could totally throw him off. Not that he minded, he likes the control.
“Say ‘bro’, you saw how big it was didn’t you ? Or were you too hung up in getting pounded that you didn’t bother to distinguish ?” he said slyly.
Jay blushed. Check and mate.
“D-don’t look at me like that”
“Like what ?”
“Every time we get into a situation like this you always have that look in your eyes”
“What look ?” he pledged innocence
“Like you’re going to eat something, presumably me, it‘s freaking me out”
“Jay” he exclaimed incredulously “I would” Nichkhun pressed his body even closer to Jay’s, breath on the other’s exposed neck “never”
“Get off !!” Jay exclaimed, squirming even more violently.
Hmm, no punch in the stomach or kick to the groin yet. Today is Nichkhun’s lucky day, with Jay that is. He picked the other man up from his waist and hoisted him to the expensive bedroom next door. There was a yelp and muscular arms wraps around his shoulder trying to stabilize. As he let Jay down onto his plush bed there was a scandalized look on the man’s face.
“It’s amazing how much muscle mass you can gain after a few weeks” he winked before diving and attached his lips on the sensitive skin of Jay’s neck.
There was a bit of a struggles but after a few minutes, only heavy breathing could be heard from that open bedroom.
_____
“You’re leaving ?” Jay asked him, his eyebrow raised, bare kin shines beautifully where the sunlight from the open window got the chance to kissed it.
“Yeah, you should know…” Nichkhun answer, a small smile on his lips
“But…it’s your house..”
“Be sure to lock it when you leave, thanks” He answered simply before heading out.
11:00 AM Saturday, and in this city that mean that there’s always a party around the corner. He smirked.
_____
“You know what the weirdest thing is ?” Jay had once asked him as they sat on his balcony, overlooking the vast city that surrounds them.
“What ?” he asked lethargically, uninterested in conversations that didn’t involve make out sessions or coital pleasures.
Jays simply points at the streets that winds itself into the worse neighborhood.
“That place, is the cleanest part of this city” Jay stated.
He raised an eyebrow. What ?
“You know, it doesn’t have liars and false pretenses, it’s just is what it is, unlike...that" he motioned to the vast cityscape "it's just so...fake, so beautiful, but so fake, trying too hard to be something else"
“You know, I think that’s the most profound and grammatically correct sentence you had said to me in a while” He joked. “Ow !” Jay slapped the back of his head.
As his friend stepped inside Nichkhun still sat there, eyes staring into the bright city and he wonders if he was just as fake and deceptive as the glamour the cold cityscape gives to Jay.
_____
Nichkhun was at a upscale social scene down town a week later. A popular club with the who’s who of the city celebrating…whatever the hell they feels like. It’s good to get away since this morning he realized that the girl he had taken home last night was totally the clingy type. Nichkhun had high tailed out of his own apartment as the girls was crying and hang onto his leg. Partying is a good distraction from the horrible memory.
He was having a good time too, girls were hitting on him, even a few guys and some brave ones, like the one he have in his arms right now were dry humping him. He was a bit tipsy from all the alcohol life is good. Suddenly his phone vibrated from the confine of his jeans.
I gotta talk to you
He stared at the text questioningly. The girl on his left was grinding into him, her mouth latching onto his ear and she sway to the music. Nichkhun was stiffed however because the text sounded…tersely distressed.
Okay, I’ll be right there
He replied quickly. Shoving his phone back into his pocket. Pushing the girl off him before making his way out of the dim club, weaving through gyrating people and heavy bass rhythms.
_____
When he got to his apartment Jay was already pushing the keys he had given him into the lock. The other man turned around a smiled. There seems to be nothing off.
But as soon as he got passed the door framed he was being pushed against it. Soft lips pressing against his neck. He groaned in pleasure.
“Wow are you baked or just really desperate ?” he joked
“Shut up ! Focus !” Jay hissed, poking at his chest
“Oh sorry, sorry” he chuckled, leaning down to capture those beautiful soft lips
Jay leaned away.
“K-kissing complicate things” Jay added in quickly
“What thing ? We have done it before haven’t we ?” he questioned
“But this time I’m trying to find you what this is” Jay sounded incredibly calm and very unlike himself
Nichkhun simply shrugged it off, not wanting to plunge into Jay’s mind any further and simply lead him back to his bed room pulling on his belt buckle.
That night, as Jay fell into a feeling he didn’t understand, hands scraping across Nichkhun’s pale skin, Nichkhun also fell into a warmth, a solace that he is sure is larvae to something bigger, bigger than just best friends fucking one another. For a moment, to Nichkhun there was only Jay, no parties, no booze, no girls and no charms that he must possess. That night, as they yearns for one another with something unknown the city howled. Like it’s losing something, a coat of paint ? An empty loft ? An idyllic poster ? Something was up because that morning, the streets are hazy and the people aren’t cordial, they simply lived. Lived as the sun shines across the horizon and catching glimpse of an entwined pair of hands through an open window. For that split second, the city seems so real.
_____
“What the hell are you doing here?” he barked at the woman in front of him although his eye shines with horror. What’s her name ? Joanne ? Annie ?
“It’s Victoria” she smiled sweetly.
“Don’t fucking understand what a one night stand is ?” he drawled exasperatedly, it was that clingy girl again.
“Yes, and I also know of a certain Horvejkul family back in Thailand that would also like to know that their son is spending his intuitions and family money on luxuries and oh, wooing sluts” he scoffed at the last part, yeah she was better.
“How do you know my family?” he questioned
“Internet, it’s not that hard, I know their address too, so a quick mail would do the trick” she winked
“You think they’d believe you ?” he pressed
She held up several pictures of him and other women, kissing or drinking. Oh great the crazy one is always the stalker. Shit. Oh shit.
“What do you want ?”
“Simple, I really like you” he chokes on his saliva, creepy “so if you want this quiet you’d be my boyfriend, no more whores, no more clubs, without me that is, and no more Jay Park, he lived near that street on 5th avenue anyways, yuck” he was stunned
“Wait, you stalked him too ?”
“Well yeah, I would like to know why my boyfriend was letting a guy into his apartment” she smiled sweetly before pushing past him, into his apartment.
_____
I think
The text confused him a bit. Nichkhun was near Starbuck- when your life is suddenly controlled by a crazy hag, you need caffeine to set it straight- when his phone vibrated, Jay was usually terse but this is just worrying.
What ?
Oh sorry I clicked send before I was finished, sorry man. I think I am sure of 'what' now
Oh yeah ?
He smiled. Hoping that since the bitch was away and not bothering him at home that he’d get sometimes with Jay.
Yeah…
Want to tell me ?
Wanna meet up ?
_____
Jay was underneath him, writhing, no clothes came off yet but the friction between then was amazing.
“Common, tell me” he nibbled at Jay’s ear, a very sensitive spot for the other man.
“N-no, I said gaming first, serious talk second”
“It’d kill the mood”
“Uh you’re killing the mood”
“No I think I’m making it better” he grind his him down onto Jay’s and got a loud moan, he smirked
Suddenly the bed room door opened as Victoria stormed in, her eyes boring hole into Jay’s skull. Oh shit, he forgot that she demanded him to give her a key to the apartment too.
“Who’s that ?” Jay asked
“I-it’s” it was his turn to stutters
“I’m his girlfriend, Victoria” she smile deviously
_____
Jay pushed him off with more force than he had imagined and stormed out of the apartment. He followed soon after despite the pleas of his ‘girlfriend’. Jay’s quick pace led him across the expensive looking hallway, across a big glass window overlooking the expansive city. He had to run to catch up to Jay before the other man entered the elevator. He grabbed Jay’s arm, willing him to turn around.
“Wait, I can explain-”
“Shut up!” Jay screamed, his eyes red and Nichkhun felt is own eyes started to water at the vulnerable state the other man is in.
“But-”
“I said shut up ! You know Khun, today I was going to tell you that I felt something more, but” he paused “It doesn’t mater any more” Jay tries to gets his arm free from Nichkhun’s vice grip.
“No please just listen I-” a fist connected to his jaw, white flash of pain and he stumbled backward, Jay has a mean left hook
“You remembered what I said Khun ? About the city ? I’m leaving tomorrow, so maybe, if you ever reciprocated any feeling I had at all, underneath all the women and alcohol, you’d truly see it, how much I hate this city and it’s phoniness” Jay spoke softly as he stepped into the elevator, eyes looking through the big window. “Bye”
_____
Nichkhun was speechless he didn’t know what to say to Jay as the man left, he simply sat on the floor, jaw aching. When he got up, he made his way to the big window, he wonders why his charms didn’t came to his rescue why did it hurts so bad when Jay accused him of never feeling the same. He was confused, he was unsure and he was doubtful. He had toyed with the idea before of course, being with his best friend for a different reason than just fun and release. But he wasn’t sure if that’s truly best for him so his….lifestyle came first, and now it is coming back to bite him, hard.
As he stares upon the cold city, it sneered slyly at him. He could no longer see simply a city but a picture of lies and flaws. So perfect, so fitting. So him.
When he dragged his feet back to his apartment. He called his parents, letting them know what he had done and told them to book a ticket for him back to Thailand, it was cowering to escape, but if Jay wasn’t here, he no longer felt as if the city could hold him together. He kicked Victoria out, snatching the key from her and closing the door on her tear streaked face. He threw away the coffee machine, letting it fell 12 stories below, smashing into pieces.
Nichkhun later found himself in his bedroom. Now empty and lifeless and the dim light from the street below was only enough to see the shapes of the room. It was alright. His phone rang. Jay’s number came up and he quickly answered it. The other man never called him, only texts
“Your sister called me” Jay stated simply
“Oh, so you know everything ?” he also told his parents about how he had messed up with Jay
“I guess”
“Why are you calling ?”
“To make sure you’re still alive”
“I am,…somewhat”
“Yeah, well, I am sorry, but it doesn’t mean I’m not leaving”
“The city or me ?”
“We were never together in the first place Khun”
Clicked. The line ended and it hurt more than he would admit.
“How did we get here ?” he whispered hoarsely into the emptiness.
Did they messed up somewhere along the way ? No, they didn't, he did, Jay was already there but he wasn’t. He was only looking for something different. Something harder to add to his lists of conquest and now, when he truly feels something more, it was too late.
“This is so fucked” he roared, ripping at the white sheets.
He screamed and screamed until his throat is sore, until he felt less alone, until he felt more real. Until he couldn't utter a single word. He messed up. He truly did.
The city snickers at him as it puts on a cold deceptive beauty. His voice echoes through the empty apartment and in the vast darkness. Something is breaking. Oh yeah, his heart.
_____________________________
Hope you guys like it ! sorry for lack of proper edits once again ;__;
Also sorry for antagonizing Victoria, she's great i love her ^^
Comments and concrits are loveee <333
Author: kdsaj2
Genre: AU, angst, drama
Rating: PG-13+
Language, implied smut, however nothing explicit. (implied, implied)
Pairings/Characters: JayKhun
Summary:
“ You shakes your ass in front of strangers for money, it’s not much different!”
“Shit fuck it’s different ! I have my clothes on at all time and I don’t do it for money, and I don’t fucking shakes my but, it’s called dancing asshole”
“Yeah yeah, see if I ever invite you to a strip club ever again, I even brought flavor condoms and everything”
“Eww keep those to yourself”
Author Comments: : UNBETAED so mistakes are....abundant..This was also intended to be short but now it's like 2000+ words.
My first JayKhun, hope you guys enjoy. I am also in an angsty mood :D
I also realized that Khun maybe a bit OOC but you know..xD
Also as you reads, the italics should match up with the non italic part of the storyline later on
I'm Still Alive
Have you ever been, so unsure ? So doubtful, of everything, of your own self. It rips away at you, willing you to stood still, suspended, as your heart wilted away into nothingness. Well it seems that our poor Prince knows it best. He is currently suffering from loneliness laying there on his empty king size bed, eyes boring whole into the white ceiling above, hand gripping the cold sheet.
---
“How did we get here ?” he whispered hoarsely into the emptiness.
_____
The cold rain was making it very hard to keep his eyes open in the lecture as the monotone professor droned on and on about things that held no relevant to his current situation, bored and horny. Yes that is correct. Nichkhun Buck Horvejkul is horny as hell and there is no remotely good looking people around. Not worth the effort to melts their tiny little hearts and have to find a paper bag later. Beside, he had a feeling that his plight would be taken care of, very soon. Call it instinct, perverted, playboy instinct. Suddenly his blackberry vibrated lightly, he discretely pulled it out and checked the flashing screen.
Hey, what are you doing? Wanna hang out ?
He smirked at the colloquial text. Perfect.
Sure, out for coffee right now, meet me at my apartment in 15 minutes
He replied quickly before ducking out of the crowded room, grabbing his backpack and jacket before making his way out of he large double doors pf the university. The cold rain enveloped him almost instantly.
_____
“ You shakes your ass in front of strangers for money, it’s not much different!”
“Shit fuck it’s different ! I have my clothes on at all time and I don’t do it for money, and I don’t fucking shakes my but, it’s called dancing asshole”
“Yeah yeah, see if I ever invite you to a strip club ever again, I even brought flavor condoms and everything”
“Eww keep those to yourself”
_____
When Nichkhun reached his upscale downtown apartment and opened the door without his keys he knew that his guest had arrived. He licked his luscious lips as the cold rain deposited upon his body vaporize into the air. This is going to be exciting.
“Hey man, you’re home” a familiar voice stated as he stepped into his vast kitchen.
Park Jaebeom, or Jay, his best friend, stood a few feet away from him, empty coffee cup in hand, not quite paying attention to Nichkhun however, unless Nichkhun was a coffeemaker. He was amused as to why his guest was so busy looking at his coffeemaker and not him and was weird out by the fact that Jay looks so at home that it made him feels…
“Yo! Seriously, your coffee maker suck !” Jay cursed loudly, hitting the defiant machine lightly
He didn’t replied, Nichhun simple closed the distance and pressed his body flushed against his friend’s.
“I know, but I am sure we can work some ‘sucking’ issues out” he whispered.
“Ha, yeah, is that your pick up line at Starbucks ?” Jay replied, not bothered to turn around.
“Okay listen, I am really bored, really horny and I hadn’t screwed around in 2 days, so let’s make this happen, hmm ?” his hands found their themselves on slender hips, he sounds like a spoiled asshole, oh well, no so far from the truth.
“Uh no thanks, and ew, you’re wet !” Jay pushed away from him and the empty coffee cup on the counter.
His friend walked into his living room and Nichkhun follows, licking his lips. Jay was an enigma in his world. It took him 2 years to get into his good graces, another for him to weasel his way into Jay’s list of best friends or ‘bros’ as the other man would call it, then another half year for the other man to feel comfortable around him and just last month for him to agrees to sleep with him. Too much work he had stated to himself, he couldn’t just be suave, or charming, he had to also be open, honest and so much more, thus Jay had already know of his many…rendezvous and had called him a ‘manwhore playboy‘ once, he shrugged it off. Jay was worth it, he was simply his best conquest ever because he was simply the hardest to get (still) and also one of the hottest.
As Nichkhun stepped into the doorway Jay was bending over and he almost had a heart attack and a certain tightness in his designer jeans sprang ever more into life. But the other man stood straight back up, hand holding a pink Wii remote. Oh.
“Seriously Jay, I just told you about my plight and you’re just going to play Wii Bowling anyways ?” He pouted.
“Seriously Khun I ask if you wanna hang out not have sex, and what plight ? Use your hand, man! Or both if you’re even that big” Jay snickers. “You playin’ ?”
Nichkhun simply ignored the question as he heard the perfect opening. The fast tracked over to his friend but just as Jay handed him his own remote he pushed the other against the nearest wall.
“Hey what the hell ?! Stop it !” Jay squirmed, which was interesting the other man was older and even though vertically challenge could totally throw him off. Not that he minded, he likes the control.
“Say ‘bro’, you saw how big it was didn’t you ? Or were you too hung up in getting pounded that you didn’t bother to distinguish ?” he said slyly.
Jay blushed. Check and mate.
“D-don’t look at me like that”
“Like what ?”
“Every time we get into a situation like this you always have that look in your eyes”
“What look ?” he pledged innocence
“Like you’re going to eat something, presumably me, it‘s freaking me out”
“Jay” he exclaimed incredulously “I would” Nichkhun pressed his body even closer to Jay’s, breath on the other’s exposed neck “never”
“Get off !!” Jay exclaimed, squirming even more violently.
Hmm, no punch in the stomach or kick to the groin yet. Today is Nichkhun’s lucky day, with Jay that is. He picked the other man up from his waist and hoisted him to the expensive bedroom next door. There was a yelp and muscular arms wraps around his shoulder trying to stabilize. As he let Jay down onto his plush bed there was a scandalized look on the man’s face.
“It’s amazing how much muscle mass you can gain after a few weeks” he winked before diving and attached his lips on the sensitive skin of Jay’s neck.
There was a bit of a struggles but after a few minutes, only heavy breathing could be heard from that open bedroom.
_____
“You’re leaving ?” Jay asked him, his eyebrow raised, bare kin shines beautifully where the sunlight from the open window got the chance to kissed it.
“Yeah, you should know…” Nichkhun answer, a small smile on his lips
“But…it’s your house..”
“Be sure to lock it when you leave, thanks” He answered simply before heading out.
11:00 AM Saturday, and in this city that mean that there’s always a party around the corner. He smirked.
_____
“You know what the weirdest thing is ?” Jay had once asked him as they sat on his balcony, overlooking the vast city that surrounds them.
“What ?” he asked lethargically, uninterested in conversations that didn’t involve make out sessions or coital pleasures.
Jays simply points at the streets that winds itself into the worse neighborhood.
“That place, is the cleanest part of this city” Jay stated.
He raised an eyebrow. What ?
“You know, it doesn’t have liars and false pretenses, it’s just is what it is, unlike...that" he motioned to the vast cityscape "it's just so...fake, so beautiful, but so fake, trying too hard to be something else"
“You know, I think that’s the most profound and grammatically correct sentence you had said to me in a while” He joked. “Ow !” Jay slapped the back of his head.
As his friend stepped inside Nichkhun still sat there, eyes staring into the bright city and he wonders if he was just as fake and deceptive as the glamour the cold cityscape gives to Jay.
_____
Nichkhun was at a upscale social scene down town a week later. A popular club with the who’s who of the city celebrating…whatever the hell they feels like. It’s good to get away since this morning he realized that the girl he had taken home last night was totally the clingy type. Nichkhun had high tailed out of his own apartment as the girls was crying and hang onto his leg. Partying is a good distraction from the horrible memory.
He was having a good time too, girls were hitting on him, even a few guys and some brave ones, like the one he have in his arms right now were dry humping him. He was a bit tipsy from all the alcohol life is good. Suddenly his phone vibrated from the confine of his jeans.
I gotta talk to you
He stared at the text questioningly. The girl on his left was grinding into him, her mouth latching onto his ear and she sway to the music. Nichkhun was stiffed however because the text sounded…tersely distressed.
Okay, I’ll be right there
He replied quickly. Shoving his phone back into his pocket. Pushing the girl off him before making his way out of the dim club, weaving through gyrating people and heavy bass rhythms.
_____
When he got to his apartment Jay was already pushing the keys he had given him into the lock. The other man turned around a smiled. There seems to be nothing off.
But as soon as he got passed the door framed he was being pushed against it. Soft lips pressing against his neck. He groaned in pleasure.
“Wow are you baked or just really desperate ?” he joked
“Shut up ! Focus !” Jay hissed, poking at his chest
“Oh sorry, sorry” he chuckled, leaning down to capture those beautiful soft lips
Jay leaned away.
“K-kissing complicate things” Jay added in quickly
“What thing ? We have done it before haven’t we ?” he questioned
“But this time I’m trying to find you what this is” Jay sounded incredibly calm and very unlike himself
Nichkhun simply shrugged it off, not wanting to plunge into Jay’s mind any further and simply lead him back to his bed room pulling on his belt buckle.
That night, as Jay fell into a feeling he didn’t understand, hands scraping across Nichkhun’s pale skin, Nichkhun also fell into a warmth, a solace that he is sure is larvae to something bigger, bigger than just best friends fucking one another. For a moment, to Nichkhun there was only Jay, no parties, no booze, no girls and no charms that he must possess. That night, as they yearns for one another with something unknown the city howled. Like it’s losing something, a coat of paint ? An empty loft ? An idyllic poster ? Something was up because that morning, the streets are hazy and the people aren’t cordial, they simply lived. Lived as the sun shines across the horizon and catching glimpse of an entwined pair of hands through an open window. For that split second, the city seems so real.
_____
“What the hell are you doing here?” he barked at the woman in front of him although his eye shines with horror. What’s her name ? Joanne ? Annie ?
“It’s Victoria” she smiled sweetly.
“Don’t fucking understand what a one night stand is ?” he drawled exasperatedly, it was that clingy girl again.
“Yes, and I also know of a certain Horvejkul family back in Thailand that would also like to know that their son is spending his intuitions and family money on luxuries and oh, wooing sluts” he scoffed at the last part, yeah she was better.
“How do you know my family?” he questioned
“Internet, it’s not that hard, I know their address too, so a quick mail would do the trick” she winked
“You think they’d believe you ?” he pressed
She held up several pictures of him and other women, kissing or drinking. Oh great the crazy one is always the stalker. Shit. Oh shit.
“What do you want ?”
“Simple, I really like you” he chokes on his saliva, creepy “so if you want this quiet you’d be my boyfriend, no more whores, no more clubs, without me that is, and no more Jay Park, he lived near that street on 5th avenue anyways, yuck” he was stunned
“Wait, you stalked him too ?”
“Well yeah, I would like to know why my boyfriend was letting a guy into his apartment” she smiled sweetly before pushing past him, into his apartment.
_____
I think
The text confused him a bit. Nichkhun was near Starbuck- when your life is suddenly controlled by a crazy hag, you need caffeine to set it straight- when his phone vibrated, Jay was usually terse but this is just worrying.
What ?
Oh sorry I clicked send before I was finished, sorry man. I think I am sure of 'what' now
Oh yeah ?
He smiled. Hoping that since the bitch was away and not bothering him at home that he’d get sometimes with Jay.
Yeah…
Want to tell me ?
Wanna meet up ?
_____
Jay was underneath him, writhing, no clothes came off yet but the friction between then was amazing.
“Common, tell me” he nibbled at Jay’s ear, a very sensitive spot for the other man.
“N-no, I said gaming first, serious talk second”
“It’d kill the mood”
“Uh you’re killing the mood”
“No I think I’m making it better” he grind his him down onto Jay’s and got a loud moan, he smirked
Suddenly the bed room door opened as Victoria stormed in, her eyes boring hole into Jay’s skull. Oh shit, he forgot that she demanded him to give her a key to the apartment too.
“Who’s that ?” Jay asked
“I-it’s” it was his turn to stutters
“I’m his girlfriend, Victoria” she smile deviously
_____
Jay pushed him off with more force than he had imagined and stormed out of the apartment. He followed soon after despite the pleas of his ‘girlfriend’. Jay’s quick pace led him across the expensive looking hallway, across a big glass window overlooking the expansive city. He had to run to catch up to Jay before the other man entered the elevator. He grabbed Jay’s arm, willing him to turn around.
“Wait, I can explain-”
“Shut up!” Jay screamed, his eyes red and Nichkhun felt is own eyes started to water at the vulnerable state the other man is in.
“But-”
“I said shut up ! You know Khun, today I was going to tell you that I felt something more, but” he paused “It doesn’t mater any more” Jay tries to gets his arm free from Nichkhun’s vice grip.
“No please just listen I-” a fist connected to his jaw, white flash of pain and he stumbled backward, Jay has a mean left hook
“You remembered what I said Khun ? About the city ? I’m leaving tomorrow, so maybe, if you ever reciprocated any feeling I had at all, underneath all the women and alcohol, you’d truly see it, how much I hate this city and it’s phoniness” Jay spoke softly as he stepped into the elevator, eyes looking through the big window. “Bye”
_____
Nichkhun was speechless he didn’t know what to say to Jay as the man left, he simply sat on the floor, jaw aching. When he got up, he made his way to the big window, he wonders why his charms didn’t came to his rescue why did it hurts so bad when Jay accused him of never feeling the same. He was confused, he was unsure and he was doubtful. He had toyed with the idea before of course, being with his best friend for a different reason than just fun and release. But he wasn’t sure if that’s truly best for him so his….lifestyle came first, and now it is coming back to bite him, hard.
As he stares upon the cold city, it sneered slyly at him. He could no longer see simply a city but a picture of lies and flaws. So perfect, so fitting. So him.
When he dragged his feet back to his apartment. He called his parents, letting them know what he had done and told them to book a ticket for him back to Thailand, it was cowering to escape, but if Jay wasn’t here, he no longer felt as if the city could hold him together. He kicked Victoria out, snatching the key from her and closing the door on her tear streaked face. He threw away the coffee machine, letting it fell 12 stories below, smashing into pieces.
Nichkhun later found himself in his bedroom. Now empty and lifeless and the dim light from the street below was only enough to see the shapes of the room. It was alright. His phone rang. Jay’s number came up and he quickly answered it. The other man never called him, only texts
“Your sister called me” Jay stated simply
“Oh, so you know everything ?” he also told his parents about how he had messed up with Jay
“I guess”
“Why are you calling ?”
“To make sure you’re still alive”
“I am,…somewhat”
“Yeah, well, I am sorry, but it doesn’t mean I’m not leaving”
“The city or me ?”
“We were never together in the first place Khun”
Clicked. The line ended and it hurt more than he would admit.
“How did we get here ?” he whispered hoarsely into the emptiness.
Did they messed up somewhere along the way ? No, they didn't, he did, Jay was already there but he wasn’t. He was only looking for something different. Something harder to add to his lists of conquest and now, when he truly feels something more, it was too late.
“This is so fucked” he roared, ripping at the white sheets.
He screamed and screamed until his throat is sore, until he felt less alone, until he felt more real. Until he couldn't utter a single word. He messed up. He truly did.
The city snickers at him as it puts on a cold deceptive beauty. His voice echoes through the empty apartment and in the vast darkness. Something is breaking. Oh yeah, his heart.
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Hope you guys like it ! sorry for lack of proper edits once again ;__;
Also sorry for antagonizing Victoria, she's great i love her ^^
Comments and concrits are loveee <333