Composite
This is a composite of some of the drawings from my current “art” project. They are all in a 9” x 12” Moleskine. I started in a smaller moleskine, and then moved to a larger. Though I have felt compelled to return to color, paint, and human forms, I believe in taking a project to where it leads me, and will continue to work on this until I finish the Moleskine the drawings are in. Then I’ll have another to add to my shelf of completed Moleskines. I have so many. Some are filled with collages. Some with images from the news headlines. Some with ink, which is how, after many years of drawing, I refined my “pen noise.” This project is dedicated to graphite (pencil) and landscape/interior scapes (with the exception of the selfie I drew the other night).
Sticking with a project and taking it through over a duration of time is such a good thing. For me, a terrible introvert, it gives me a place to go. Plus, I learn so much. I learn about the medium and how to explore it, and I learn about myself. I have never in my life drawn landscapes or interior-scapes before. This is the first time. New experiences are great in life. So it’s kind of like getting to explore uncharted territory without traveling and without the ability or resources to travel.
Art is an organic process for me. I am self-taught, so whatever comes out of me, just comes out. In that regard, every single thing I do is a self-portrait, including these pencil drawings that contain no bodies. They are the story of my body. Who do I draw them for? Myself. I’m at such peace when I am creating art of all variety.
Then again, I have been drawing since my earliest conscious memory, and I’m going on 56, so that is many cumulative years of experience. That counts for something.
I don’t believe in giving up. I believe in starting something and finishing it. I believe in how deep the experience can become by pursuing it in long durations and multiple numbers. I also believe in finishing a piece of art even if I think it’s a fuck up and seeing how it turns out. There are lessons to be learned, and who knows, it might turn into “something.”
As a working mom, I don’t have a lot of time. Quite a few years ago, I learned that these kinds of extended projects are large scale art works of their own. When combined, in the end, they become a singular “thing” comprised of the compilation of many smaller things.
I love this current cheapo pencil project. While I explore where I lead myself through these landscapes of decay and memories of my own struggles with recovery, I am somehow getting to the deepest core of my being even if you can’t see me in the drawings. It’s important to me. It helps me keep living and understand the many layers that exist underneath the veneer of my skin which has survived so much.
I will draw another one now and see where it takes me. It’s Sunday. I’d like to finish my weekend with art and laundry.