Infinity
INFINITY
Infinity meant forever when we picked
this necklace for me so many birthdays
ago. When the chain from my past
unraveled from my neck. Disappeared. I
believed in hope. You are
forever. My daughter. My life
blood. My baby. Even though my history
courses through your veins, your
brain. I could not foresee
the DNA molting and mutating under
the scars. I’m sorry you inherited
things I did not mean
to give. My inability to contain
bodies inside bodies
inside bodies. The weight
you bear. Unfair. But we are
infinity. My love. Even through
storms and dark years. When
the floor is tumbling below our feet.
When the sky is crumbling. And we
are screaming and crying. Soaked
in a flood of tears. When you were locked
away from me. Locked inside
yourself. And me repeating no no no as if
I could construct a rope of words to pull
you out. But I couldn't. I can’t.
Yet I wear infinity with the tree
of life dangling just above my heart.
The one you gave me when I sent
you to the Renaissance Faire with cash
to become a fairy, an elf, a princess.
Instead you gave me a silver tree.
I tattooed its branches on my back
so they could hold on
forever. Even now when you
flail and struggle, go
dark, remain blind
to your beauty. It breaks
my heart. My child. It takes
the strength of a thousand armies
to hold me up. But I gather it
in blood and heart though neither
are well. I hold ashore even when I can’t
fix what’s broke. I believe
in infinity. Even in my silence. Even
when I crumble in the night sleeping.
I am holding you. Holding on
to life. For you. My baby.