Movin Along
Movin Along (on the trail with kiddo)
Welcome to my blog entry in which I post random stuff. No, it’s not about movies. You may be wondering if I will ever write about movies again. Yes I will, but I have been so busy working and transitioning my kiddo to university that I just don’t feel like writing about movies. I feel like going to movies to relax and forget about life. Have I been going to movies? Fuck yeah. At least two per week. I have seen SO MANY, but I’ve just enjoyed them and then moved on to the next item on my long list of responsibilities.
As I get older, I put less pressure on myself. Like, I understand that I am at a time in my life right now when I need movies for escape and enjoyment in the moment. Period. I don’t need to be staying up til 4 am writing about them only to go to work four hours later. Let me tell you something about kids, in my experience. The end of the teen years is like a different version of the early childhood years. Call them the late childhood years. During the first five years of Bean’s childhood, I was worthless. As a working mom, I on had enough reserves for two things: 1) Taking care of my kid; 2) Holding down a job. That was it. I did not resurrect my creative self until Bean was nearly five years old.
The tail end is similar. Kiddo needs one million percent support. I need to hold down a job. I need to budget my personal resources. Time for creativity is spare. I utilize in the best ways I can that bring me the most enjoyment, not unwanted pressure.
I do give myself kudos for managing to keep my creative spirits flamed during the past few years, and especially this last year, largely by making art, playing guitar, and writing poetry. I find those things manageable, relaxing, peaceful. There is no external pressure on me to do them or do anything with them. I do them because they make me feel good inside my private head, and I share them because it’s what I do.
Then I have these daily blog writings. Like this one.
Stained Glass?
Let me give you an example of the kind of thing I do these days. Last night I stayed up way past my bedtime putting together a composite of my paintings in my I Don’t Give A Fuck Journal. The project has morphed into something else. I love it. I love the weight of the book, the thick solidity of the paint. I wish every one of you could hold my book of paintings in your hand and feel its amazing weight and aura. I LOVE THIS PROJECT. I love working in Real Life materials. Once I have filled this Moleskine, I am going to make a book which I will sell on deman. So last night I began the process of getting my images in order. It is tedious and time consuming. Each image has the same exact ratio and is “tweaked” to the same exact specifications. Then I made three sizes of each: full size, mid size (for the book), small size for the composite. It took a long time, but I’m done.
Soon, I will create a webpage on my artist website for this project, but I still don’t have a name for it. Someone said this composite image looks like stained glass. I’ve always been attracted to saints and martyrs. Perhaps I will play on that somehow for this project of workers I encounter in my everyday life. The book will have text. I have written text to go with some of the paintings but not with others. What I have written will be edited. New material will be written. I have an excellent idea for “filler” pages. I’ll keep you posted. I hope to be done with this by Christmas. So I guess I have not been entirely a lame duck.
Kiddo drew that horse many years ago. :)
Kiddo spent the weekend at home after her first week at college. I cannot tell you how happy I was to see her chilling on her corner of her sofa. And the Fur Sharks were so happy to have her home. We had a wonderful weekend together. Kiddo said the sweetest thing on Friday. One of her friends texted her asking to see her, and my daughter said, “Why would I want to see my friends when I can spend time with you?” I guess I’m not a complete fail after all!
Today we went on a thirteen mile hike together. It was magically beautiful. Monsoon has turned the desert into a green wildland. By winter this will all be brown again. The overgrowth was crazy. Many times we couldn’t find the trail. Branches and brambles tattooed our legs with cuts and scratches as we hiked. We’re tough. We consider this badges of honor or rites of passage. My astoundingly gorgeous long-legged super fit kiddo led the way. We were followed by butterflies of all color and variety. Vibrant colors for which there are no names. We found the cutest tiny bug with a rich dark red fuzzy butt. We must have spotted at least a hundred variety of wildflowers dressed in a spectrum of colors, from glowing orange to periwinkle blue to cadmium red. We marveled at the colors that can never ever be reproduced outside nature. I’m so happy my daughter and I experienced them together.
From our hike:
I got home and played my guitar for a while. I haven’t played in days. The few people who have listened to my music have often described it as “sad” or “melancholy” or “full of longing and regret.” Funny, I feel completely happy when I’m playing. Some old blues musician - I can’t remember who - said “You don’t feel the blues when you’re playing the blues.” I may not be being the blues, but when I am making music all my blues go away. I don’t write songs. I just pick up my guitar and fuck around. I consider it creating the soundtrack to my life. I guess I make sketches with sound. Here is tonight’s sketch to go with today’s chapter of my life. It’s called “Movin Along” because I played it after Bean and I moved along the trail together and also because I’m just movin along through life, trying to do the best I can. Can’t say I always succeed.
Movin Along:
Click to viewYesterday, I spent a good chunk of time reading THE GIRL ON THE TRAIN (Paula Hawkins, 2015). I’m enthralled. It’s so luxurious to immerse myself in a page turner. Part of my Slowing the Fuck Down Plan means lying in bed reading aimlessly. In fact, I’m going to end today’s blog writing here, and go to bed and read.
I’m keeping things going the best I can. I’m Movin Along. I am doing SOMETHING which is always better than doing NOTHING. And mostly, I’m being a working mom.
Kiddo is back in her dorm now. She is knitting with the sparkling yarn we got today. I’m going to go to bed and chill. Back to work manana.
Off I go. Bon Soir.