I Am No One

[kdotdammit]

Comments

[croneitude]

I am so glad you wrote this. You are visible, and in powerfully good ways. That will continue, I know. <3

[kdotdammit]

Thank you my friend. It was difficult yet necessary to write.

[mallorys_camera]

As you know, we share certain life experiences.

I was invisible growing up as well, but that ended abruptly at the age of 16 when I discovered I was beautiful. Not attractive. Beeeyouteefull! Like Helen of Troy. Like a fucking movie star.

This catapulted me from the realm of invisibility into the realm of hyper-visibility.

I won't pretend I didn't like it. I won't pretend that beauty isn't a superpower every bit as useful and transformative as telekinesis.

But, of course, flesh being flesh, beauty always fades. I'm no longer beeeyouteeful; I'm "attractive for my age," which given the fact that I'm 62, gives me roughly the equivalency of a piece of lawn furniture when I venture out into the world.

I'm back to being invisible again, in other words.

I will say this: For those of us whose earliest role model was Harriet the Spy, it's a lot more useful being invisible than it is being hyper-visible. You are no longer an object. You can watch people, and they won't notice you're watching them

[kdotdammit]

Well I will need to write a whole blog post in response to this. Many things to respond to. But I want to say that one of the reasons I enjoy writing about film is because it is not about me. Out of the realm of the blogosphere it is also where I have become the most successful and recognized "writer" me. That's why I continue to publish my film writing. It's "my voice" but not about me. As far as the beautiful thing goes, I will need to address that in a blog post.

[kdotdammit]

Also the subjects of my art are no longer "me." I was the subject of my art before I became a mom,so that has been liberating. My expression but not me as subject.

[kdotdammit]

Also I think you missed the point that I don't care if I "become someone". Writing and art have been integral to my survival. I know I have communicated with many through my experiences but not to others. There are so many forms of expression that make the world go round.

a kind of primal scream to say I EXIST

[crookedfingers]

thanks for sharing your life-pain-rebirth-peace

Re: a kind of primal scream to say I EXIST

[kdotdammit]

Thank you for sticking with me for the long haul and sharing with me.

[ubermunkey]

Often I don't have words after reading you.
I have emotions. Reactions. Insight into this human condition. And gratitude for your continued existence and bravery.

Namaste

[kdotdammit]

Thank you for still being here. For following me on my journey. For feeling with me. It means so much to me. It truly does. You are a continuous source of inspiration. You feed my heart, and it is so hungry. XO

[anonymous]

"I want to be invisible, but I’m scared not to be visible.... I have created this legacy of words and art to attach materiality to the no one I have always been." This is beautifully written, and hits very close to home.