You're All A Bunch of Fucking Assholes
You're All A Bunch of Fucking Assholes
graphite, cheap ass ballpoint pen, watercolor, prismacolor pencil, acrylic and newspaper on paper
18x24
One of the things about someone you love dying that I didn’t expect was the anger, the toll these past few months have taken on everyone around me. The ups and downs. The extreme emotions. I have been a hurricane. Unpredictable. Thoughtless. Self-absorbed with my pain and emotional difficulty. I have bled the people I love dry. And now that my dad has died, I have so much pent up confusion and anger. It comes out in horribly insensitive ways. I’m hurting and because I’m hurting I don’t know how to react with people.
It’s not fair to think the world should revolve around me and my pain. It’s not fair that I am so caught up in my grief and loss that I am insensitive to others.
But anger is a real part of grief, and I have had it big time. So big that it turned my life upside down so now besides the death of my dad, I’m dealing with the aftermath of the wake of emotional destruction I have left in my wake these past few months.
Will I recover? I have to. I have a daughter who I love so very much. Thankfully, I have sheltered her from the very large majority of my emotional storms.
To respect my anger and hopefully move on from it, I finished my “You’re all a bunch of fucking assholes” art today.
Bean loves it. Many people want t-shirts of it. I tried to make t-shirts with it today but am having a hard time with the program.
Bean suggested I put the title in cut out newspaper letters so that’s what I did. I was rooting around in the paper for a “K.” I said, “K’s are hard to find.” Bean said, “You need a K for fuck, right?” I said, “Fucking A.” Then I said, “REMEMBER! YOU CAN’T WEAR THIS SHIRT TO SCHOOL.”
I am trying to put the pieces of my life back together. It’s not easy especially when my loss caused ones I loved pain.
My heart is so heavy it could sink the fucking Titantic.
Off I go to bake cookies. I promised Bean I’d make her favorite for her and my dad.
Oh, and as I promised, we have the 49ers game playing on TV. They’re kicking Houston’s asses. I hope you’re watching Dad