zoolander
When you get that itch to watch Zoolander, as we all do sometimes, it's best to just give in. YouTube clips, even of the movie in its entirety, were not satisfying my Zoolander needs, so I went ahead and bought the whole shebang on Itunes in HD.
It took FOREVER.
I couldn't believe it took that long to download Zoolander. Apple said Zoolander would be available immediately. It absolutely was not available immediately. In fact, it took over twenty minutes and forced me to watch the whole of O! Brother Where Art Thou instead of just the first hour.
So I finally got ahold of Zoolander and sat down to enjoy it.
The movie opens with a really solid ten minutes of world-famous male model Derek Zoolander being interviewed. The below short film is what sparked my interest in seeing it again. What I like the most about this clip is that Ben Stiller, in his finest role to date, sounds exactly what I sound like when I am fake-interviewing myself.
When I am alone, which is often, I narrate my actions to an invisible camera, sharing my hopes, dreams, habits and personal preferences, always inane. The less interesting, the better. I did this alot when I was little, but I'm not against a meandering self-interview while doing the dishes.
The short film that started it all.
The movie has alot of brilliant little details, Hansel's Tommy Hilfiger ad, the skulking DJ, Will Ferrell's hair. One of those is the fact that Darek can't "turn left" while modeling. In fact, he's even failed to perform on what he describes as "left-handed runways."
I was recently at a safety inspection for the sale of a building. We learned we'd need to put handrails on the staircases. We discussed our options for installation. The list agent Marlene kept saying, " I thought you only needed to install handrails on stairs going down. I thought the rule was only for stairs going down."
Nobody said anything. No one asked any follow-up questions. The property did not have an escalator. Only on stairs going down, Marlene? Going down?
Anyway, the left-handed runway thing reminds me of that. Darek does not turn left the whole movie.
The building was being inspected by a man named Will. It was written on his shirt. Will was, and probably still is, an extremely tall, extremely sweaty man.
The house did not have central air and the ceiling fans barely beat back the oppressive heat. As Will ducked under a low archway, my client Mike joked, "This house wasn't made for you."
"That's the price you pay for greatness," Will gasped, gripping his clipboard, sweat pouring down his back, soaking his clothing so completely it appeared that he wasn't sweating at all, only that his shirt was a darker color.
Whenever I see such sweaty men, I look for a wedding ring. If I don't see one, I think, Ah-ha! No surprise there.
If I do see one, I go through a range of emotions. Is he this sweaty at home?, is my first thought. Obviously they have central air, and that helps, but how much central air would be required to absorb an ocean of sweat?
Then, Was he sweaty when they got married? How did he wear a suit? Who is his wife and why would she allow this to go on for so long?
Will did have a wedding ring, a sturdy gold halo almost swallowed by his thick finger, announcing to the world that at least one woman had found him to be an acceptable life partner. He later asked my age, qualifying the question so as not to seem rude. "About what age are you, if you don't mind me asking?", as if a general range would be an acceptable response.
I was wearing a blue dress and heels. I assumed I looked very young and pretty that day, so I answered. "Thirty." I am barely thirty. But the number did its work.
"No kidding," Will said. "I thought you were alot younger. No kidding."
He turned to Mike. "And how old are you?" Although Mike was buying a house, Will clearly thought we were teenagers, when in fact we are just normal people not ravaged by time and sweat.
"Twenty-nine," Mike said.
Will then told me I reminded him of his daughter and showed me an Army headshot of an extremely unattractive young woman.
Back to Zoolander. Of course there is one scene that stole the show. The scene to end all scenes in comedies forever. The one that beats them all. No need to even introduce it... let's enjoy it together... the Gasoline Fight.
Ah, that was glorious...
But wait ....
Go ahead and click on this video now. Let it play through as you read the rest of the post.
Wait a minute...
Well, that's just a handsome nobody about to expire in a gasoline fight.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
But something .... winks at me. A glimmer of familiarity. Right behind Derek's footie pajamas.... Let's rewind the clip, take it back a little further...
Yes... There! There! Could that be... no...
Oh.
My.
God.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
When you get right down to it, alot of people have uncovered that Alexander Skarsgård, of True Blood fame and Swedish-accent-masking hotness, was Meekus in Zoolander. But I felt like the first.
It took FOREVER.
I couldn't believe it took that long to download Zoolander. Apple said Zoolander would be available immediately. It absolutely was not available immediately. In fact, it took over twenty minutes and forced me to watch the whole of O! Brother Where Art Thou instead of just the first hour.
So I finally got ahold of Zoolander and sat down to enjoy it.
The movie opens with a really solid ten minutes of world-famous male model Derek Zoolander being interviewed. The below short film is what sparked my interest in seeing it again. What I like the most about this clip is that Ben Stiller, in his finest role to date, sounds exactly what I sound like when I am fake-interviewing myself.
When I am alone, which is often, I narrate my actions to an invisible camera, sharing my hopes, dreams, habits and personal preferences, always inane. The less interesting, the better. I did this alot when I was little, but I'm not against a meandering self-interview while doing the dishes.
Click to viewThe short film that started it all.
The movie has alot of brilliant little details, Hansel's Tommy Hilfiger ad, the skulking DJ, Will Ferrell's hair. One of those is the fact that Darek can't "turn left" while modeling. In fact, he's even failed to perform on what he describes as "left-handed runways."
I was recently at a safety inspection for the sale of a building. We learned we'd need to put handrails on the staircases. We discussed our options for installation. The list agent Marlene kept saying, " I thought you only needed to install handrails on stairs going down. I thought the rule was only for stairs going down."
Nobody said anything. No one asked any follow-up questions. The property did not have an escalator. Only on stairs going down, Marlene? Going down?
Anyway, the left-handed runway thing reminds me of that. Darek does not turn left the whole movie.
The building was being inspected by a man named Will. It was written on his shirt. Will was, and probably still is, an extremely tall, extremely sweaty man.
The house did not have central air and the ceiling fans barely beat back the oppressive heat. As Will ducked under a low archway, my client Mike joked, "This house wasn't made for you."
"That's the price you pay for greatness," Will gasped, gripping his clipboard, sweat pouring down his back, soaking his clothing so completely it appeared that he wasn't sweating at all, only that his shirt was a darker color.
Whenever I see such sweaty men, I look for a wedding ring. If I don't see one, I think, Ah-ha! No surprise there.
If I do see one, I go through a range of emotions. Is he this sweaty at home?, is my first thought. Obviously they have central air, and that helps, but how much central air would be required to absorb an ocean of sweat?
Then, Was he sweaty when they got married? How did he wear a suit? Who is his wife and why would she allow this to go on for so long?
Will did have a wedding ring, a sturdy gold halo almost swallowed by his thick finger, announcing to the world that at least one woman had found him to be an acceptable life partner. He later asked my age, qualifying the question so as not to seem rude. "About what age are you, if you don't mind me asking?", as if a general range would be an acceptable response.
I was wearing a blue dress and heels. I assumed I looked very young and pretty that day, so I answered. "Thirty." I am barely thirty. But the number did its work.
"No kidding," Will said. "I thought you were alot younger. No kidding."
He turned to Mike. "And how old are you?" Although Mike was buying a house, Will clearly thought we were teenagers, when in fact we are just normal people not ravaged by time and sweat.
"Twenty-nine," Mike said.
Will then told me I reminded him of his daughter and showed me an Army headshot of an extremely unattractive young woman.
Back to Zoolander. Of course there is one scene that stole the show. The scene to end all scenes in comedies forever. The one that beats them all. No need to even introduce it... let's enjoy it together... the Gasoline Fight.
Ah, that was glorious...
But wait ....
Go ahead and click on this video now. Let it play through as you read the rest of the post.
Wait a minute...
Well, that's just a handsome nobody about to expire in a gasoline fight.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
But something .... winks at me. A glimmer of familiarity. Right behind Derek's footie pajamas.... Let's rewind the clip, take it back a little further...
Yes... There! There! Could that be... no...
Oh.
My.
God.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
When you get right down to it, alot of people have uncovered that Alexander Skarsgård, of True Blood fame and Swedish-accent-masking hotness, was Meekus in Zoolander. But I felt like the first.