The Authoritative Gerald Frug
I already included the Collected Wisdom of Bruce Hay here (under the title “Everything I Needed to Know About Law I Learned in Civil Procedure”), to give you guys an idea of the sorts of things they teach in law school. I have another collection of quotes, courtesy of Gerald Frug, professor for Local Government Law.
On America and Its Problems
“Every country is unique in that they love their cars. And they hate everyone else’s cars.”
“Did you know this? That you don’t create traffic. Only other cars create traffic.”
“No American will walk more than ten minutes. That’s how to tell that someone is American. You look at their DNA, and it says no more than ten minutes.”
“As you know, yesterday there were large-spread protests over immigration. Hundreds of thousands of people. Or, if you watch Fox News, 25,000 people.”
“We voluntarily desperately need these people (immigrants) or else we will voluntarily go under.”
“If you think enclaves are a good idea you should leave the United States. I have a one-way, business class, ticket to anywhere in the world for you. Just come to my office hours.”
“Here’s Wal-Mart telling local businesses how to compete with Wal-Mart. What do you tell them? That it’s hopeless. We have jobs for you.”
On Choosing One’s Community
“My ideal community is a place where they play Radiohead all day. But if you’ve ever met someone who listens to Radiohead they won’t want me.”
“If there is a Starbucks in your neighborhood, I’m going. But if it’s just your house, what’s the point? I’m not going to walk by to see your garage.”
“Do you live in the meatpacking district? If I don’t, it’s over. How can I be fashionable?”
“I’ve always wanted to, I think I told you this, tear down my house and build a gas station. My neighbors have expressed concern. Actually, forget the gas station...what I want is the tallest building in the world.”
“You are not going to live in the place where you went to high school. And even if you were planning on it, too bad. I’m going to move you out.”
“When your housing value goes up it’s not your style of painting the walls a certain color or your new kitchen, which I admire. It’s the surrounding areas and the collective market value of the neighborhood.”
“You need to attract the creative class by making your city cool…or hot…which are synonyms.”
“What if we were willing to pay a diversity tax? I am willing to pay more because this neighborhood is so… zippy. Zippy isn’t a word… Cool. It’s cool. OMG!”
“What type of person wants to live next to a stadium? 75,000 people are coming by your door on game day. Are you thinking ‘Great, 75,000 chances for a date?’”
“Don’t worry about urban sprawl. You don’t need to go that far out of New York City before you find what you might call a cow.”
“Not all association is voluntary. You didn’t choose your parents, and with respect they didn’t choose you. And you know you didn’t choose your siblings. Not to mention your in-laws. But you can choose your friends, as you know. And then choose to reject them after the appropriate amount of time.”
On Legal Academia
“The reason State v. Hutchinson is in the book is because it debates Dillon’s Rule. You, however, know the real reason it’s in the book is because it cites me. Never underestimate the ego of a Harvard Law School professor.”
“3Ls. Those are people like me. It’s April, I’m counting down the days. These are my people.”
“I avoided that question in my book, which you can do, I just didn’t write the sentence.”
“There are a bunch of my colleagues, you may have run into them in a dark hallway, who think people can rank their preferences.”
“When a professor lists four things students feel compelled to write them down, even if they know what they are. Are you ready? The first four days of the week are… I don’t know, is he going to start with Sunday or not?”
“But we need to go on. We are running out of time, and law school, and indeed, life itself.”
On Prominent Jurisprudence
“I read it, fainted dead away.” (Owens v. Colorado Congress of Parents, Teachers, and Students)
“I defend the Stevens decision. Each word is more brilliant than the last. No matter what order you read them in.” (Kelo v. City of New London)
“If you look deep down into the center of your heart you see Hunter v. Pittsburgh.”
On Annexation
“I live in a suburb that doesn’t have a park. So I go to your park. Cause I need to go to a park, you know what I mean?”
“Many cities can annex without the consent of the city they are taking over. We’ll call this city by a neutral name, Houston, so we don’t offend anyone.”
“It’s Houston! The bigger the better. All the way to Dallas. And why stop there? Just keep annexing and annexing.”
On Secession
“You ask the rest of New York if Staten Island should secede they will say no. You ask Staten Island they will say stop the ferry… we want out.”
“Why do teenagers’ doors say ‘keep out?’ It’s because, roughly speaking, they want to secede from the rest of the house.”
On Education
“The problem with children is that they go to school…this is the problem from the children’s point of view, as well.”
“At a school I’ve created in the suburbs we don’t teach reading or writing. You can have someone do that for you. Math either. They have these machines now.”
“Don’t say, oh, you’re talking about busing. Because I’ve actually never been on a bus.”
“And all this federal funding disappeared in 1981. January 20, 1981. You should go on Google and find out what happened that day.”
“Under my plan they would be allowed to send their kids to private schools. The Constitution has been interpreted to require this, so I’m not exactly being generous.”
“Don’t think there is such a thing as a Saturday. They have just recently been abolished. You can read about it online.”
On America and Its Problems
“Every country is unique in that they love their cars. And they hate everyone else’s cars.”
“Did you know this? That you don’t create traffic. Only other cars create traffic.”
“No American will walk more than ten minutes. That’s how to tell that someone is American. You look at their DNA, and it says no more than ten minutes.”
“As you know, yesterday there were large-spread protests over immigration. Hundreds of thousands of people. Or, if you watch Fox News, 25,000 people.”
“We voluntarily desperately need these people (immigrants) or else we will voluntarily go under.”
“If you think enclaves are a good idea you should leave the United States. I have a one-way, business class, ticket to anywhere in the world for you. Just come to my office hours.”
“Here’s Wal-Mart telling local businesses how to compete with Wal-Mart. What do you tell them? That it’s hopeless. We have jobs for you.”
On Choosing One’s Community
“My ideal community is a place where they play Radiohead all day. But if you’ve ever met someone who listens to Radiohead they won’t want me.”
“If there is a Starbucks in your neighborhood, I’m going. But if it’s just your house, what’s the point? I’m not going to walk by to see your garage.”
“Do you live in the meatpacking district? If I don’t, it’s over. How can I be fashionable?”
“I’ve always wanted to, I think I told you this, tear down my house and build a gas station. My neighbors have expressed concern. Actually, forget the gas station...what I want is the tallest building in the world.”
“You are not going to live in the place where you went to high school. And even if you were planning on it, too bad. I’m going to move you out.”
“When your housing value goes up it’s not your style of painting the walls a certain color or your new kitchen, which I admire. It’s the surrounding areas and the collective market value of the neighborhood.”
“You need to attract the creative class by making your city cool…or hot…which are synonyms.”
“What if we were willing to pay a diversity tax? I am willing to pay more because this neighborhood is so… zippy. Zippy isn’t a word… Cool. It’s cool. OMG!”
“What type of person wants to live next to a stadium? 75,000 people are coming by your door on game day. Are you thinking ‘Great, 75,000 chances for a date?’”
“Don’t worry about urban sprawl. You don’t need to go that far out of New York City before you find what you might call a cow.”
“Not all association is voluntary. You didn’t choose your parents, and with respect they didn’t choose you. And you know you didn’t choose your siblings. Not to mention your in-laws. But you can choose your friends, as you know. And then choose to reject them after the appropriate amount of time.”
On Legal Academia
“The reason State v. Hutchinson is in the book is because it debates Dillon’s Rule. You, however, know the real reason it’s in the book is because it cites me. Never underestimate the ego of a Harvard Law School professor.”
“3Ls. Those are people like me. It’s April, I’m counting down the days. These are my people.”
“I avoided that question in my book, which you can do, I just didn’t write the sentence.”
“There are a bunch of my colleagues, you may have run into them in a dark hallway, who think people can rank their preferences.”
“When a professor lists four things students feel compelled to write them down, even if they know what they are. Are you ready? The first four days of the week are… I don’t know, is he going to start with Sunday or not?”
“But we need to go on. We are running out of time, and law school, and indeed, life itself.”
On Prominent Jurisprudence
“I read it, fainted dead away.” (Owens v. Colorado Congress of Parents, Teachers, and Students)
“I defend the Stevens decision. Each word is more brilliant than the last. No matter what order you read them in.” (Kelo v. City of New London)
“If you look deep down into the center of your heart you see Hunter v. Pittsburgh.”
On Annexation
“I live in a suburb that doesn’t have a park. So I go to your park. Cause I need to go to a park, you know what I mean?”
“Many cities can annex without the consent of the city they are taking over. We’ll call this city by a neutral name, Houston, so we don’t offend anyone.”
“It’s Houston! The bigger the better. All the way to Dallas. And why stop there? Just keep annexing and annexing.”
On Secession
“You ask the rest of New York if Staten Island should secede they will say no. You ask Staten Island they will say stop the ferry… we want out.”
“Why do teenagers’ doors say ‘keep out?’ It’s because, roughly speaking, they want to secede from the rest of the house.”
On Education
“The problem with children is that they go to school…this is the problem from the children’s point of view, as well.”
“At a school I’ve created in the suburbs we don’t teach reading or writing. You can have someone do that for you. Math either. They have these machines now.”
“Don’t say, oh, you’re talking about busing. Because I’ve actually never been on a bus.”
“And all this federal funding disappeared in 1981. January 20, 1981. You should go on Google and find out what happened that day.”
“Under my plan they would be allowed to send their kids to private schools. The Constitution has been interpreted to require this, so I’m not exactly being generous.”
“Don’t think there is such a thing as a Saturday. They have just recently been abolished. You can read about it online.”