Prepare to feel inadequate.
Alright, I'm just gonna decide post-by-post if something is going to be public, friendlocked, or private. My writing in the last week has actually gotten more concise, if only because it's just been me talking to myself, so you'll be happy to hear that.
So in thinking about all this Japan stuff, I suddenly get an e-mail from USC about competitive graduate fellowships. I applied for the Truman got rejected, and I've thought about looking into some others, so I decided to browse the Rhodes Scholarship website. Dr. Wiseman, whose wife was a Rhodes Scholar, warned me not to bother applying until I had been out of school for at least 2 years, because the requirements for the scholarship have just gotten obscene in the last few years. He wans't kidding.
I looked at the most recent list of winners...very few of them were graduating right before going on the scholarship, and those people had already coauthored books on national missile defense and been published in the New York Times. I did try to submit an article to them once: also rejected (but it might have been because I sent it to them 2 months after writing it and it wasn't terribly timely anymore).
I try not to compare myself to other people, and to simply do what I do for myself and enjoy it. But try looking at this and tell me you don't feel God-awfully inadequate. It's just of those things that makes you ask, "God, what have I been doing with my life all this time? I've been around for 20 years, I'm running behind!" Like when I learned that Scarlett Johnasson was younger than me. Ohhh, that was angering, especially after I next read a news story about the Oscars that linked her to 37-year old Benicio del Toro after the awards show. And that was like 3 hours after Noor and I were talking about my chances for getting Scarlett Johansson myself. Apparently, nil.
Little update about the Japan thing...I don't think I'm going to go about it that way, but I was thinking about Amanda's recommendation of finding alternate ways to let myself be there without such a difficult commitment. One of the scholarships I was looking at is the Henry Luce Scholarship, which would give me an internship in an Asian country of my choice. It seems a bit more flexible, and it's designed specifically for students with no prior experience with Asian languages or cultures. I think they'd just take better care of me with that, but the drawback is that, again, it's a year. All of these international post-graduate fellowships are for a year, nothing is for 6 months, as I'd want it to be. 6 months with option for renewal, that'd be perfect.
Another one I started looking at is the George Mitchell Scholarship for a year of graduate study in Ireland (but, the way the educational system is here, I could get a Masters in that one year). Ireland would be more doable, but sort of less of what I'm specifically going for here.
Or maybe I should just stay in America. I don't know how seriously I've actually entertained that concept yet, but perhaps I should. I mean, with these scholarships...I'm not really an academic. I'm not terribly interested in scholarly research. Maybe I just go do a 4-year JD/MA program off the bat, and the MA would be only so I could go back to teach undergrad some day if I want to. How weird of me to get into such a frame of mind about all this stuff so early.
So in thinking about all this Japan stuff, I suddenly get an e-mail from USC about competitive graduate fellowships. I applied for the Truman got rejected, and I've thought about looking into some others, so I decided to browse the Rhodes Scholarship website. Dr. Wiseman, whose wife was a Rhodes Scholar, warned me not to bother applying until I had been out of school for at least 2 years, because the requirements for the scholarship have just gotten obscene in the last few years. He wans't kidding.
I looked at the most recent list of winners...very few of them were graduating right before going on the scholarship, and those people had already coauthored books on national missile defense and been published in the New York Times. I did try to submit an article to them once: also rejected (but it might have been because I sent it to them 2 months after writing it and it wasn't terribly timely anymore).
I try not to compare myself to other people, and to simply do what I do for myself and enjoy it. But try looking at this and tell me you don't feel God-awfully inadequate. It's just of those things that makes you ask, "God, what have I been doing with my life all this time? I've been around for 20 years, I'm running behind!" Like when I learned that Scarlett Johnasson was younger than me. Ohhh, that was angering, especially after I next read a news story about the Oscars that linked her to 37-year old Benicio del Toro after the awards show. And that was like 3 hours after Noor and I were talking about my chances for getting Scarlett Johansson myself. Apparently, nil.
Little update about the Japan thing...I don't think I'm going to go about it that way, but I was thinking about Amanda's recommendation of finding alternate ways to let myself be there without such a difficult commitment. One of the scholarships I was looking at is the Henry Luce Scholarship, which would give me an internship in an Asian country of my choice. It seems a bit more flexible, and it's designed specifically for students with no prior experience with Asian languages or cultures. I think they'd just take better care of me with that, but the drawback is that, again, it's a year. All of these international post-graduate fellowships are for a year, nothing is for 6 months, as I'd want it to be. 6 months with option for renewal, that'd be perfect.
Another one I started looking at is the George Mitchell Scholarship for a year of graduate study in Ireland (but, the way the educational system is here, I could get a Masters in that one year). Ireland would be more doable, but sort of less of what I'm specifically going for here.
Or maybe I should just stay in America. I don't know how seriously I've actually entertained that concept yet, but perhaps I should. I mean, with these scholarships...I'm not really an academic. I'm not terribly interested in scholarly research. Maybe I just go do a 4-year JD/MA program off the bat, and the MA would be only so I could go back to teach undergrad some day if I want to. How weird of me to get into such a frame of mind about all this stuff so early.