(no subject)
Today has pretty much been the worst day ever.
I feel so incredibly selfish and stupid. I thought this post was going to be all about how senior walk was sad, even if the one senior I am really upset about graduating didn't even say bye to me. She gave me a half ass hug and then proceeded to walk over and cry on every one else's shoulder. I was kind of upset (ok, I was a lot upset), but I figured...hey! it's her senior year I'm sure she didn't mean anything by it I mean, I've been close with her for three years and I know we'll see each other this summer, she probably just didn't feel like she was really saying "bye" to me. Then I proceed to go to my fourth period, where another girl has been adorned with braclets and flowers from the graduating senior and aparently it was a huge "I'll miss you I love you so much session". Ok, I can still deal with that. THey're "biffers". Whatevs. Then, I'm pulling out of the parking lot and realize that I still don't have my $50 purse returned to me. So, I call the second girl in my story to ask her to please remind the graduatee to return my purse to me ASAP and then I find out that she decorated the second girl's car with "55 somethings.....". Yeah, that one hurt. I mean, I guess it means shit that I was the one who wanted to paint up the graduatees car last week, go the stuff together and asked the other to come along. I guess it means shit that I have been close with the gradatee for three years, and we've seen each other through a lot of shit. I guess it just all means shit. SO, I'm upset about this situation, and then I get the phone call.
Turns out my grandpa is in the hospital. I feel incredibly selfish for worrying about the other situation. I feel like a horrible person because I wasn't home early enough to get the call because I was out doing what I wanted to. I feel like a horrible person becasue I want to call my dad so bad but everyone said I can't because he's out of town and if he gets stressed about it, it wont be good for his heart. I just want to be with my family, but I can't because everyone is in full force frantic mode trying to make sure the surgeon gets there and everyone is ok an my ailing grandmother is eating and taking care of herself too. I have to be the one at home making all the phone calls keeping all the kids calm and making everything run smoothly. More than anything, I just want him to be ok. I got a weird reality check last week with Amanda and teh situation with her cousin and i DO NOT want to have to deal with this. And I feel horrible saying that. I feel horrible worrying about my chem final tomorrow and horrible worrying about taking care of my siblings and cousins. I just want my grandpa to be ok. He's had such a hard life, and he's been healthy for the last 5 years, all his doing. And now this?
WHAT THE FUCK?
I feel so incredibly selfish and stupid. I thought this post was going to be all about how senior walk was sad, even if the one senior I am really upset about graduating didn't even say bye to me. She gave me a half ass hug and then proceeded to walk over and cry on every one else's shoulder. I was kind of upset (ok, I was a lot upset), but I figured...hey! it's her senior year I'm sure she didn't mean anything by it I mean, I've been close with her for three years and I know we'll see each other this summer, she probably just didn't feel like she was really saying "bye" to me. Then I proceed to go to my fourth period, where another girl has been adorned with braclets and flowers from the graduating senior and aparently it was a huge "I'll miss you I love you so much session". Ok, I can still deal with that. THey're "biffers". Whatevs. Then, I'm pulling out of the parking lot and realize that I still don't have my $50 purse returned to me. So, I call the second girl in my story to ask her to please remind the graduatee to return my purse to me ASAP and then I find out that she decorated the second girl's car with "55 somethings.....". Yeah, that one hurt. I mean, I guess it means shit that I was the one who wanted to paint up the graduatees car last week, go the stuff together and asked the other to come along. I guess it means shit that I have been close with the gradatee for three years, and we've seen each other through a lot of shit. I guess it just all means shit. SO, I'm upset about this situation, and then I get the phone call.
Turns out my grandpa is in the hospital. I feel incredibly selfish for worrying about the other situation. I feel like a horrible person because I wasn't home early enough to get the call because I was out doing what I wanted to. I feel like a horrible person becasue I want to call my dad so bad but everyone said I can't because he's out of town and if he gets stressed about it, it wont be good for his heart. I just want to be with my family, but I can't because everyone is in full force frantic mode trying to make sure the surgeon gets there and everyone is ok an my ailing grandmother is eating and taking care of herself too. I have to be the one at home making all the phone calls keeping all the kids calm and making everything run smoothly. More than anything, I just want him to be ok. I got a weird reality check last week with Amanda and teh situation with her cousin and i DO NOT want to have to deal with this. And I feel horrible saying that. I feel horrible worrying about my chem final tomorrow and horrible worrying about taking care of my siblings and cousins. I just want my grandpa to be ok. He's had such a hard life, and he's been healthy for the last 5 years, all his doing. And now this?
WHAT THE FUCK?