(no subject)
this seems to be going down some... path.
what's the point? where is this going? do i even want this...?
PROS:
*i like you
*you like me
*you're a GOOD guy
*we're comfortable with each other
*we're compatible on the day-to-day aspects of life
*our lives aren't the same, but able to coincide
*good sex
*you pay close attention, learn, and do what you can to be good and always better in every aspect of life, including in relation to me
*i said i was ready to try some sort of a relationship and i AM
*you make me grow and change, in a way that i don't feel pressured [but... cared about]
*you recognize my bad-relationship tendencies and call me on my shit
*i like being your friend and helping you however i can, and i feel appreciated
*you're sensitive and have no hesitation to share your feelings, which encourages me to do the same
CONS:
*you like your freedom; i don't want you to feel pressured into an exclusive, committed relationship just 'cause you feel you SHOULD
*you don't know how to say no; even if you WANT to be with me, you won't wanna stop being with other girls; i don't want to put you in a place where you're guilty, i don't ever want to MAKE you lie, i don't want to ever have to feel bad/jealous
*you have and wish to maintain relationships with girls of your past; you don't seem to mind, but it will be awkwardness for ME to be part of your life knowing that i affected *their* place in your life; i definitely don't want to advertently nor inadvertently restrict who you're friends with but i genuinely don't know how that would play out.
*there's a me vs her battle in your mind, which is not a good way to start a relationship; if we get to that point, it should be me or not me, with no her at all; comparing your potential girlfriend to another girl is not healthy
*i like dwayne and still like dwayne. it IS you vs him and, basically, i'm just waiting it out to see if there's any real competition; if he makes a definitive move, then i'll seriously start debating who i want to be with more. if he doesn't, you just win by default. again, NOT healthy.
*you seem to change your mind/feelings with ease -- the things you love about me today, you may very well hate tomorrow
*i sabotage things often -- the things i love about you today, i might irrationally hate tomorrow
*you're sensitive and have no hesitation to share your feelings, so are often hurt at my reluctance to do the same but i genuinely don't know if i can be as open as you need me to be
*i don't know how we stand on the Pivotals
*****
the first night in... months that i'm going to sleep without talking to him first [or at least texting 'til we fall asleep].
fully by my choice.
definitely not amicably.
i can't help but feel the sabotage has started already
and he's NOT calling me on my shit.
the choices are: man up and deal with it, instead of waiting for him to make me
or
let it go and let him go.
the questions are: do i want him?
and
is he worth it?
the answer is:
...
...
merde.