(no subject)
Why Gay Marriage is Wrong
1. Homosexuality is not natural. Real Americans always reject
unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.
2. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way
that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy
behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has
legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
4. Heterosexual marriage has been around a long time and hasn't
changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry
whites, and divorce is still illegal.
5. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if homosexual marriage
were allowed; the sanctity of Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun
marriage would be destroyed.
6. Heterosexual marriages are valid because they produce children.
Homosexual couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be
allowed to marry because our orphanges aren't full yet, and the
world needs more children.
7. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight
parents only raise straight children.
8. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like
ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country.
That's why we have only one religion in America.
9. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model
at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents
to raise children.
10. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could
never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to
cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.
1. Homosexuality is not natural. Real Americans always reject
unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.
2. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way
that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy
behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has
legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
4. Heterosexual marriage has been around a long time and hasn't
changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry
whites, and divorce is still illegal.
5. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if homosexual marriage
were allowed; the sanctity of Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun
marriage would be destroyed.
6. Heterosexual marriages are valid because they produce children.
Homosexual couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be
allowed to marry because our orphanges aren't full yet, and the
world needs more children.
7. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight
parents only raise straight children.
8. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like
ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country.
That's why we have only one religion in America.
9. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model
at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents
to raise children.
10. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could
never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to
cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.