Bible study in plain language - Luke 4: v1-13
(1) Jesus, feeling pretty good after his baptism, ducked the groupies and split to the middle of nowhere, (2) where for 40 days he was tempted by the devil.
Jesus ate nothing during those days, and near the end of them he was starvin' like Marvin. (3) The devil said to Jesus, "Hungry much? No worries. If you are *really* the Son of God, tell this stone to become bread and nom nom nom away."
(4) Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone'."
(5) Then the devil showed Jesus a Google Earth app on his iPhone - annotated to highlight all the kingdoms of the world. (6) And he said to Jesus, "I decide who rules here. And I can give that power and authority to anyone I want to. (7) So if you worship me, it will all be yours. Think about that. And then consider that if you decline, I will be giving it to someone else."
(8) Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Worship the Lord your God and serve only God'."
(9) Then, the devil respawned the two of them in Jerusalem and had Jesus stand on the highest point of the temple. "Fine, Hamlet, if you are the Son of God," he said, "throw yourself down from here. (10) For it is written: 'The Son of God will have plot immunity'."
(12) Jesus turned to look at the devil and said, quietly: "It is also written: 'Do not put the Lord your God to the test'."
(13) After an awkward pause, the devil finally figured out that these witty comebacks of Jesus were not weight-loss mantras said to keep his humanity in check, but commands, directed at him. And he freaked and peaced out until a later time.
Jesus ate nothing during those days, and near the end of them he was starvin' like Marvin. (3) The devil said to Jesus, "Hungry much? No worries. If you are *really* the Son of God, tell this stone to become bread and nom nom nom away."
(4) Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone'."
(5) Then the devil showed Jesus a Google Earth app on his iPhone - annotated to highlight all the kingdoms of the world. (6) And he said to Jesus, "I decide who rules here. And I can give that power and authority to anyone I want to. (7) So if you worship me, it will all be yours. Think about that. And then consider that if you decline, I will be giving it to someone else."
(8) Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Worship the Lord your God and serve only God'."
(9) Then, the devil respawned the two of them in Jerusalem and had Jesus stand on the highest point of the temple. "Fine, Hamlet, if you are the Son of God," he said, "throw yourself down from here. (10) For it is written: 'The Son of God will have plot immunity'."
(12) Jesus turned to look at the devil and said, quietly: "It is also written: 'Do not put the Lord your God to the test'."
(13) After an awkward pause, the devil finally figured out that these witty comebacks of Jesus were not weight-loss mantras said to keep his humanity in check, but commands, directed at him. And he freaked and peaced out until a later time.