You must have been ... so high.
I know it's like ... 3 months later, but the Ted Haggard news story is STILL bothering me. And I'll tell ya why.
For those who are unaware, let me sum up: This past fall, bible beater, evangelist, and vocal gay basher Ted Haggard, resigned from his leadership of the National Association of Evangelicals. I think this was because he was expecting to be axed. I mean, you're not supposed to be quite so blatantly hipocritical as to be one of the gays you're bashing and not bother to tell your congregation about it.
So, yeah, I got some schadenfreude when it came to light that he'd been seeing a male prostitute for a nice long three year affair. But when I read the Advocate's interview with said prostitute, Mike Jones, the feeling of righteous contempt dissolved and was replaced with one of utter loathing.
I still have some pity for the man. I can imagine that it must be hard to live life as a closeted gay man, especially when your job necessitates berating yourself. But as Jones described his behavior, I began to see two possible stories:
In the first story, the one I think most people are buying, Haggard was a gay man afraid of coming out and losing his faith, his congregation, and his job, resorting to drugs to push the pain away; keeping clandestine trysts with a prostitute - his only outlet for his true feelings. The fact that he had an affair with a man proves the triumph of nature (natural orientation) over nurture (preaching at you until you're not gay anymore). In this story, he decides it is right to be who he is and love whom he loves, and hopes that he does not get caught breaking the law. He gets caught up in the momentum of his job and gets more and more depressed because what he preaches is farther and farther from what he now genuinely believes, but he can't turn back now. But before he can come clean, he gets outed by his prostitute and scandal ensues.
But there is another way to look at it, and this second story seems more accurate to me. In the second story, Haggard doesn't have a hard-on for gay men -- he has a hard-on for sinning. He truly believes that homosexuality is sinful, and concludes without much struggle that therefore having these urges, he must be a sinful man. He knows that drugs are sinful, and he specifically seeks them out to amplify his sin experience and wallow in his sinfulness. In this story, the man decides it is wrong to be who he is and love whom he loves, and thus treats himself as sin incarnate. The struggle to remain pure of heart and deed is noble, but purity is unattainable for him, so why not relish in the filth? For this man, gay marriage is like turning the lights on during sex. It wouldn't be such delicious fun to sin anymore if we were to sanction that.
Given that the latter story is what is going on, I am not at all surprised that Haggard sought help from a cure-your-gayness "clinic" and has now emerged a guaranteed 100% heterosexual. I say it is not surprising, because in his mind, all Haggard needed to do was to start hating the sin. He already hates the sinners.
For those who are unaware, let me sum up: This past fall, bible beater, evangelist, and vocal gay basher Ted Haggard, resigned from his leadership of the National Association of Evangelicals. I think this was because he was expecting to be axed. I mean, you're not supposed to be quite so blatantly hipocritical as to be one of the gays you're bashing and not bother to tell your congregation about it.
So, yeah, I got some schadenfreude when it came to light that he'd been seeing a male prostitute for a nice long three year affair. But when I read the Advocate's interview with said prostitute, Mike Jones, the feeling of righteous contempt dissolved and was replaced with one of utter loathing.
I still have some pity for the man. I can imagine that it must be hard to live life as a closeted gay man, especially when your job necessitates berating yourself. But as Jones described his behavior, I began to see two possible stories:
In the first story, the one I think most people are buying, Haggard was a gay man afraid of coming out and losing his faith, his congregation, and his job, resorting to drugs to push the pain away; keeping clandestine trysts with a prostitute - his only outlet for his true feelings. The fact that he had an affair with a man proves the triumph of nature (natural orientation) over nurture (preaching at you until you're not gay anymore). In this story, he decides it is right to be who he is and love whom he loves, and hopes that he does not get caught breaking the law. He gets caught up in the momentum of his job and gets more and more depressed because what he preaches is farther and farther from what he now genuinely believes, but he can't turn back now. But before he can come clean, he gets outed by his prostitute and scandal ensues.
But there is another way to look at it, and this second story seems more accurate to me. In the second story, Haggard doesn't have a hard-on for gay men -- he has a hard-on for sinning. He truly believes that homosexuality is sinful, and concludes without much struggle that therefore having these urges, he must be a sinful man. He knows that drugs are sinful, and he specifically seeks them out to amplify his sin experience and wallow in his sinfulness. In this story, the man decides it is wrong to be who he is and love whom he loves, and thus treats himself as sin incarnate. The struggle to remain pure of heart and deed is noble, but purity is unattainable for him, so why not relish in the filth? For this man, gay marriage is like turning the lights on during sex. It wouldn't be such delicious fun to sin anymore if we were to sanction that.
Given that the latter story is what is going on, I am not at all surprised that Haggard sought help from a cure-your-gayness "clinic" and has now emerged a guaranteed 100% heterosexual. I say it is not surprising, because in his mind, all Haggard needed to do was to start hating the sin. He already hates the sinners.