im just gonna slit my wrists, go to sleep & call it a mediocre life-
well i guess the phrase i made up a long time ago still holds true "its funny- when life seems like it cant get any better- it doesnt". not a good one but true-
so i go to a church where everyone hates me & has heard lies & its uncomfortable but i deal- but then when my own father blows up at me OUT OF NOWHERE aboooouuuut...5 times..i had had it- people have been verbally attacking me for no good reason a lot lately- and i have stood strong- but when my own father starts saying how im basically a "bitch" and i deserve the shit people give me & that if he doesnt tell me that im a bad person, who is? & just hella shit like that... well i just like could not stop crying- i seriously havent cried that hard in so long- and it pissed me off bc i didnt wanna cry- but w/e.. like i cant even repeat everything he said nor will i... but it was low & uncalled for & hurt really really badly....48 days 48 days 48 days & i will be outta this shithole- yes, there are people that are very precious to me that i will miss... but there are even more people and things that i just cant take anymore...honestly, if ucsb were more than 48 days away, i probably would have cut myself big time...but i have that hope that the future will have a better life in store for me... we'll see- if not, then ill just go drown myself in the ocean- but on my way home i like went 90 down orange blossom & i drove like shit... because i didnt care- if no one else does, why should i? i cant talk anymore- its useless...
so i go to a church where everyone hates me & has heard lies & its uncomfortable but i deal- but then when my own father blows up at me OUT OF NOWHERE aboooouuuut...5 times..i had had it- people have been verbally attacking me for no good reason a lot lately- and i have stood strong- but when my own father starts saying how im basically a "bitch" and i deserve the shit people give me & that if he doesnt tell me that im a bad person, who is? & just hella shit like that... well i just like could not stop crying- i seriously havent cried that hard in so long- and it pissed me off bc i didnt wanna cry- but w/e.. like i cant even repeat everything he said nor will i... but it was low & uncalled for & hurt really really badly....48 days 48 days 48 days & i will be outta this shithole- yes, there are people that are very precious to me that i will miss... but there are even more people and things that i just cant take anymore...honestly, if ucsb were more than 48 days away, i probably would have cut myself big time...but i have that hope that the future will have a better life in store for me... we'll see- if not, then ill just go drown myself in the ocean- but on my way home i like went 90 down orange blossom & i drove like shit... because i didnt care- if no one else does, why should i? i cant talk anymore- its useless...