This could be the problem
Found a quote in 'Man, oh Man': Most contemporary readers aren't going to enjoy something structured along the lines of 'Vanity Fair'. I think this could be where I'm going wrong. The trouble is, most of what I read in my formative years was structured along those lines - in fact, Vanity Fair is one of my favourite books! I think I need to read a few more modern novels and allow myself to be influenced by those. That's my excuse for having read 'The Ghost Wore Yellow Socks' three times, and all the Adrien English series in the last week. I like 'Yellow Socks' best, but I love Lanyon's writing style, although it wouldn't do for Elizabethan England.
I'm still culling away at the word count, second time through now and a thousand more words to go. I'll try to cut more than this if possible, because some of the word count will go back in when I try to build up the relationships. Also I should be getting the edits for 'One Elf Too Many' soon, so I must be poised to leap into action on this. If only Real Life wouldn't keep getting in the way.