Eeh...
To say I have been a bit conflicted lately is an understatement. I still feel like there is so much missing in my life that I'm not sure how to find.
I'm still not "happy" or whatever the definition of contentment with life is. I'm constantly second guessing myself wondering if I'm settling for less or wanting more than I deserve. I want things that are impossible for me to have and don't know if I want what I've got.
I still mourn the people that are no longer in contact with me and can't seem to move on from it. It is affecting my ability to be comfortable with new people because I'm constantly comparing no matter how good or bad the comparison is. I realize this is unhealthy. I realize it's ridiculous. But what can I do? Pretend I'm not eternally lost? Pretend I don't have feelings and have been hurt beyond repair?
I try to put on a brave face. I try to talk to friends. The only 2 people I have to talk about any of this stuff to have their own issues and are probably so sick and tired of my incessant whining that it's a wonder they are even speaking to me still. One has cancer and it seems so trivial to even discuss anything with her. The other has been a God-send, but it's not fair to keep burdening her with the same bullshit over and over and over again.
I need to figure out why I'm still so miserable and why I can't let go of certain things, people, and ideals...before it drives me insane
I'm still not "happy" or whatever the definition of contentment with life is. I'm constantly second guessing myself wondering if I'm settling for less or wanting more than I deserve. I want things that are impossible for me to have and don't know if I want what I've got.
I still mourn the people that are no longer in contact with me and can't seem to move on from it. It is affecting my ability to be comfortable with new people because I'm constantly comparing no matter how good or bad the comparison is. I realize this is unhealthy. I realize it's ridiculous. But what can I do? Pretend I'm not eternally lost? Pretend I don't have feelings and have been hurt beyond repair?
I try to put on a brave face. I try to talk to friends. The only 2 people I have to talk about any of this stuff to have their own issues and are probably so sick and tired of my incessant whining that it's a wonder they are even speaking to me still. One has cancer and it seems so trivial to even discuss anything with her. The other has been a God-send, but it's not fair to keep burdening her with the same bullshit over and over and over again.
I need to figure out why I'm still so miserable and why I can't let go of certain things, people, and ideals...before it drives me insane