ive probably gone too far, but...
hey guys.
so i listened to the twilight dvd commentary with rob, kris, and catherine that i downloaded the other day. i have one word for you: HILARIOUS. rob was classically off-the-wall and continually made fun of not only himself but kristen from time to time as well. they have a really funny dynamic together, and with catherine occasionally trying to be serious about things, well... hilarity ensues.
since i was insanely bored and im just a freak about all things twilight/rob/kristen to begin with, i decided to compile a list of funny quotes from the commentary for y'all to enjoy. some of them are only rob, but there's a lot of back-and-forth dialogue as well. so just in case someone actually has a life and didnt take the two hours out of their day to listen to this commentary without even actually watching anything (at the time the bootlegged version hadnt been leaked yet)... ive posted some highlights. (okay, not some. a lot.) i was able to identify the scenes by what they were talking about and because of the fact that ive seen this movie an ungodly amount of times. soo... follow the cut. ;)
ROB: ive already aged like 6 years. i look haggard. you might as well recast.
CATHERINE: yeah. im sure we can do better now. [laughs]
R: yeah yeah definitely, made money now. where's efron?!
C: now we can attract somebody good.
R: no more 320-pound unemployed people from london.
C: i love greenhouses.
KRISTEN: how are you liking our commentary? [imitates catherine in a serene, mystified voice] "i looove greenhouses..."
R: it was like a j.lo video, i loved it! [briefly sings "crazy in love" by beyonce] ...wait, thats beyonce. i wanted to do a beyonce biopic.
R: i mean everyone would hate me, i mean lookit me like walking around with my little peacoat, with my customized peacoat... i think i probably had highlights too.
[at the cullen lunchtable]
R: in this scene im talking about how much i like cookies. its like listen guys, have you read the book? were not supposed to be eating.
K: kellan's like munching on a rice krispie treat.
[in reference to the "edible art" scene in the lunchroom, and the subsequent apple-bounce]
R: i got little hairline fractures all over my foot from doing that.
C: i wanted it more elaborate like bouncing off like two knees and an ankle.
R: people would be in hysterics. its like a superhuman moron with absolutely no superhuman powers. he wears lipstick has a little bouffant and does little circus acts.
[kristen goes on to make fun of the way he says "bouffant."]
R: ohh, girls. its all just a game to them, you know, relationships. just go around stomping on everyone. like look at that poor guy in the background with his collar up! hes just going to get ruined. by women.
R: [sounding rather feminine and not at all intimidating] NOW LISTEN GUYS.
K: see, i knew you were going to say something about this! but i think you look really scary!
R: COME ON GUYS. LETS ALL, COME ON. LETS BE SIMPLE ABOUT THIS.
R: sometimes i think i look like ive had facial reconstruction surgery, like after burns or something. like my whole head, its like ive had a face lift.
C: a really bad one, too.
R: a really bad one.
R: i wonder if vampires' eyebrows can grow back. maybe they can make that part of my distraught thing in the second one.
K: its okay to cry. i cry when i get like at all flustered, embarrassed, sad, angry... i cry basically anytime i have any heightened emotions. [laughs]
C: some people get like really freaked out- [rob cuts her off]
R: i hate people crying around me. im not friends with them anymore.
K: really? i hate people like THAT, when people think it such a big deal, like, 'oh my god'!
R: thats just girls, its like crying all the time, its like SHUT UUUP.
C: you just said you cried, dude!
R: yeah i know but i was crying over something legitimate.
C: all our life were told not to show emotion, and to just behave, and like fit in a box.
R: id love to be able to fit in a box. like one of those really small people who can just fit in a box.
[during bella's website research]
R: thats not how you spell SKINNED.
C: how do you spell it, foo-foo?
R: it doesnt have a hyphenated little, uh...
K: its said with an accent. its [funny accent] "SKEENN'D"
R: ohhh.
K: its like you in little ashes!
[referring to the forest scene/reveal]
K: i love how people laugh at that in the movie, here we are thinking were doing this really intense thing.
R: its cuz were living in the 21st century; its very cynical people.
C: i think its cuz he says "a while." its kinda... funny.
R: its heartbreaking. DUH.
R: [in response to his "what do we eat" line in the forest] CHEESEBURGERS.
[our "sparkly" -coughcough- vampire is revealed]
R: i thought i was supposed to have a fake six-pack in this scene.
K: yeah i thought he was too.
C: you know, we tried...
R: i thought i was gonna get, like, cam superimposed.
C: believe me, we tried.
R: im sorry but i just look like im a sweaty guy! ...you did shave off my belly hair though.
C: no, we didnt.
K: [to rob] everyone did this really theatrical thing where they used the whole room and you just stood there and said the lines.
R: ive got such feminine hands. i could never be strong.
C: what? your hands are awesome dude.
R: i used to play in goal on my football team, and nobody ever played goal because they wanted to have an interesting time on the field, so i literally- when i got to a save my fingers would bend back and the ball would just hit me in the face.
[bella is lying in her bed]
R: what are you doing in this scene?
K: thinking about you...
R: ohh.
K: and then you appear. its so great!
R: i never understood people who like throwing balls around.
[mike is dancing outside the diner window]
R: what is that hes doing?
C: hes doing a little dance for bella.
R: well thats a bit saucy.
[discussing the camera angle of the kissing scene]
R: this is quite difficult cuz i have a really flat head. ...sometimes i feel like my heads being turned inside out, like that episode of ren and stimpy when hes inside his own bellybutton.
R: its weird cuz i dont normally shave and i noticed that i have like one of those butt chins. its like a nubbin.
R: that was a very dainty little jump that kellan did there.
[baseball scene - "you brought a snack"]
K: you were 'spose to growl though huh.
R: i did, they obviously cut it out.
K: he did do a really really cool growl.
R: oh yeah, dont put it in the dvd whatever- if it is ill sue.
K: it is though, its like really- like it was like, thin, i always imagined it to be like really guttural like [deep growl], a demon, and then it was like [cat-like high-pitched hiss].
R: looking scary with a little baseball outfit on and a little bouffant, you know... it just does not work. especially with sculpted eyebrows.
C: rob! stop it!
R: im really scary in reality, i mean, most of the time.
K: catherine thought we looked really like united and strong that night, she was like 'god you guys look like a superhero couple.'
C: i did feel that you guys actually had become a couple this night, like you look like youre supposed to be together.
R: its cuz were both wearing flannel.
K: yeah.
[catherine and kristen are having a serious conversation about the timing of takes]
R: i have very scraggly sideburns.
[catherine is talking seriously about technical filming situations]
R: wait, wait, i want to hear this part.
[in the hospital]
R: i like this pipe thing in your nose.
C: its oxygen!
K: i thought that that was definitely gonna get in the way of the scene, like how can anybody take me seriously with, like, prongs stuck up my nose?
[later in the scene, rob is still laughing]
R: it just makes you look so helpless with pipes up your nose!
[prom scene: "and youre ready right now?" / "yes"]
K: that was really difficult for my neck. it didnt feel good. how do you like my adam's apple? its really attractive.
R: how do you have an adam's apple?
R: i look like an anime character.
[imitating bella's last lines]
R: i know what i want.
K: i know what i want!
R: and i want it nowww!
K: oh my god.
R: oh, was that your butt? was that your robust butt?
K: yeah, that was like, pre-way-too-little-tiny-short-shorts.
K: i hope you enjoyed our really revelatory commentary.
R: you can watch the 17 hours of EPK footage now.
CATHERINE: okay, this is kristen stewart saying thank you so much for watching.
KRISTEN: [imitates accent] and this is robert pattinson and, uh, yeah. thanks.
ROB: [flustered] oh, you already did kristen. oh. this is catherine hardwicke and... [imitates catherine in a very eccentric, squeaky voice] i just wanna say that i hope you thought this thing was WILD! HAA HAAA!
cant you just hear his adorable accent while you read his lines? *giggles like a fangirl*
.
so i listened to the twilight dvd commentary with rob, kris, and catherine that i downloaded the other day. i have one word for you: HILARIOUS. rob was classically off-the-wall and continually made fun of not only himself but kristen from time to time as well. they have a really funny dynamic together, and with catherine occasionally trying to be serious about things, well... hilarity ensues.
since i was insanely bored and im just a freak about all things twilight/rob/kristen to begin with, i decided to compile a list of funny quotes from the commentary for y'all to enjoy. some of them are only rob, but there's a lot of back-and-forth dialogue as well. so just in case someone actually has a life and didnt take the two hours out of their day to listen to this commentary without even actually watching anything (at the time the bootlegged version hadnt been leaked yet)... ive posted some highlights. (okay, not some. a lot.) i was able to identify the scenes by what they were talking about and because of the fact that ive seen this movie an ungodly amount of times. soo... follow the cut. ;)
ROB: ive already aged like 6 years. i look haggard. you might as well recast.
CATHERINE: yeah. im sure we can do better now. [laughs]
R: yeah yeah definitely, made money now. where's efron?!
C: now we can attract somebody good.
R: no more 320-pound unemployed people from london.
C: i love greenhouses.
KRISTEN: how are you liking our commentary? [imitates catherine in a serene, mystified voice] "i looove greenhouses..."
R: it was like a j.lo video, i loved it! [briefly sings "crazy in love" by beyonce] ...wait, thats beyonce. i wanted to do a beyonce biopic.
R: i mean everyone would hate me, i mean lookit me like walking around with my little peacoat, with my customized peacoat... i think i probably had highlights too.
[at the cullen lunchtable]
R: in this scene im talking about how much i like cookies. its like listen guys, have you read the book? were not supposed to be eating.
K: kellan's like munching on a rice krispie treat.
[in reference to the "edible art" scene in the lunchroom, and the subsequent apple-bounce]
R: i got little hairline fractures all over my foot from doing that.
C: i wanted it more elaborate like bouncing off like two knees and an ankle.
R: people would be in hysterics. its like a superhuman moron with absolutely no superhuman powers. he wears lipstick has a little bouffant and does little circus acts.
[kristen goes on to make fun of the way he says "bouffant."]
R: ohh, girls. its all just a game to them, you know, relationships. just go around stomping on everyone. like look at that poor guy in the background with his collar up! hes just going to get ruined. by women.
R: [sounding rather feminine and not at all intimidating] NOW LISTEN GUYS.
K: see, i knew you were going to say something about this! but i think you look really scary!
R: COME ON GUYS. LETS ALL, COME ON. LETS BE SIMPLE ABOUT THIS.
R: sometimes i think i look like ive had facial reconstruction surgery, like after burns or something. like my whole head, its like ive had a face lift.
C: a really bad one, too.
R: a really bad one.
R: i wonder if vampires' eyebrows can grow back. maybe they can make that part of my distraught thing in the second one.
K: its okay to cry. i cry when i get like at all flustered, embarrassed, sad, angry... i cry basically anytime i have any heightened emotions. [laughs]
C: some people get like really freaked out- [rob cuts her off]
R: i hate people crying around me. im not friends with them anymore.
K: really? i hate people like THAT, when people think it such a big deal, like, 'oh my god'!
R: thats just girls, its like crying all the time, its like SHUT UUUP.
C: you just said you cried, dude!
R: yeah i know but i was crying over something legitimate.
C: all our life were told not to show emotion, and to just behave, and like fit in a box.
R: id love to be able to fit in a box. like one of those really small people who can just fit in a box.
[during bella's website research]
R: thats not how you spell SKINNED.
C: how do you spell it, foo-foo?
R: it doesnt have a hyphenated little, uh...
K: its said with an accent. its [funny accent] "SKEENN'D"
R: ohhh.
K: its like you in little ashes!
[referring to the forest scene/reveal]
K: i love how people laugh at that in the movie, here we are thinking were doing this really intense thing.
R: its cuz were living in the 21st century; its very cynical people.
C: i think its cuz he says "a while." its kinda... funny.
R: its heartbreaking. DUH.
R: [in response to his "what do we eat" line in the forest] CHEESEBURGERS.
[our "sparkly" -coughcough- vampire is revealed]
R: i thought i was supposed to have a fake six-pack in this scene.
K: yeah i thought he was too.
C: you know, we tried...
R: i thought i was gonna get, like, cam superimposed.
C: believe me, we tried.
R: im sorry but i just look like im a sweaty guy! ...you did shave off my belly hair though.
C: no, we didnt.
K: [to rob] everyone did this really theatrical thing where they used the whole room and you just stood there and said the lines.
R: ive got such feminine hands. i could never be strong.
C: what? your hands are awesome dude.
R: i used to play in goal on my football team, and nobody ever played goal because they wanted to have an interesting time on the field, so i literally- when i got to a save my fingers would bend back and the ball would just hit me in the face.
[bella is lying in her bed]
R: what are you doing in this scene?
K: thinking about you...
R: ohh.
K: and then you appear. its so great!
R: i never understood people who like throwing balls around.
[mike is dancing outside the diner window]
R: what is that hes doing?
C: hes doing a little dance for bella.
R: well thats a bit saucy.
[discussing the camera angle of the kissing scene]
R: this is quite difficult cuz i have a really flat head. ...sometimes i feel like my heads being turned inside out, like that episode of ren and stimpy when hes inside his own bellybutton.
R: its weird cuz i dont normally shave and i noticed that i have like one of those butt chins. its like a nubbin.
R: that was a very dainty little jump that kellan did there.
[baseball scene - "you brought a snack"]
K: you were 'spose to growl though huh.
R: i did, they obviously cut it out.
K: he did do a really really cool growl.
R: oh yeah, dont put it in the dvd whatever- if it is ill sue.
K: it is though, its like really- like it was like, thin, i always imagined it to be like really guttural like [deep growl], a demon, and then it was like [cat-like high-pitched hiss].
R: looking scary with a little baseball outfit on and a little bouffant, you know... it just does not work. especially with sculpted eyebrows.
C: rob! stop it!
R: im really scary in reality, i mean, most of the time.
K: catherine thought we looked really like united and strong that night, she was like 'god you guys look like a superhero couple.'
C: i did feel that you guys actually had become a couple this night, like you look like youre supposed to be together.
R: its cuz were both wearing flannel.
K: yeah.
[catherine and kristen are having a serious conversation about the timing of takes]
R: i have very scraggly sideburns.
[catherine is talking seriously about technical filming situations]
R: wait, wait, i want to hear this part.
[in the hospital]
R: i like this pipe thing in your nose.
C: its oxygen!
K: i thought that that was definitely gonna get in the way of the scene, like how can anybody take me seriously with, like, prongs stuck up my nose?
[later in the scene, rob is still laughing]
R: it just makes you look so helpless with pipes up your nose!
[prom scene: "and youre ready right now?" / "yes"]
K: that was really difficult for my neck. it didnt feel good. how do you like my adam's apple? its really attractive.
R: how do you have an adam's apple?
R: i look like an anime character.
[imitating bella's last lines]
R: i know what i want.
K: i know what i want!
R: and i want it nowww!
K: oh my god.
R: oh, was that your butt? was that your robust butt?
K: yeah, that was like, pre-way-too-little-tiny-short-shorts.
K: i hope you enjoyed our really revelatory commentary.
R: you can watch the 17 hours of EPK footage now.
CATHERINE: okay, this is kristen stewart saying thank you so much for watching.
KRISTEN: [imitates accent] and this is robert pattinson and, uh, yeah. thanks.
ROB: [flustered] oh, you already did kristen. oh. this is catherine hardwicke and... [imitates catherine in a very eccentric, squeaky voice] i just wanna say that i hope you thought this thing was WILD! HAA HAAA!
cant you just hear his adorable accent while you read his lines? *giggles like a fangirl*
.