(no subject)
Yeah, i'm confused on just about everything in my life right now. i just wish that i could change everything-my job, my car, my place of living, my boyfriend...i just don't know what to do.
i guess that i'm just in a bad mood today but oh well. at work i they keep telling me to leave mike. but i love him. i know that he treats me like shit some of the time, but i keep hoping that he'll change. and THAT'S the BIGGEST mistake any girl does. hopes that someone will change. that's why women get abused so much. the classic "Oh, he didn't mean it." bullshit. and i know all that.
ok, so, i didn't know that livejournal actually saved that from last time. i think i wrote that about a week ago, but i stopped cuse mike had come up right behind me and i didn't want him to see that.
well, my life was a little bit of a mess there for a little while. mike had done some unthinkable shit to me, for which i shouldn't have forgiven him, but i did. i guess that i do love him, but maybe i just don't want to be alone? i don't really know. all that i DO know is that i have ZERO self-confidence so i don't even think i could get another man. plus i had gone to the bar with jenn this past weekend w/o mike and no guys even looked at me. it's kinda depressing to me that i couldn't even have gotten a guy if i tried. and i keep telling myself that it's because i'm fat and that i need to lose weight, then if i looked good i could get someone. i'm really not depressed today i swear.
BUT, ya know what? i found out where my old ex works. well not ex exactly, i dunno, just one of the many, many guys that bridgette tried to hook me up with when she lived in ohio. and i kinda actually used to like this guy. mike and i went up to great northern mall, and i happened to see vic (that's the guy) at sbarro's (or however the hell you spell it). and i kinda got a little tickled. so, i do suppose that i COULD try to get him, at least he has a job and shit, and he was a sweetheart. but when i knew him before he used to smoke a lot ofpot. he even used to grow it in his backyard.
icurumba. but it's like i love mike. i just wish that i could try out another penis just once? god, i'm so bad....
anyways, on another note...megan went to cedar point. i dropped her off. it was kinda sad though cuse i'm like the person that raised her in a way, cuse both my parents had to work all the time when i was growing up. i'm just worried that she's not gonna make it. but i know that she will. i think tonight or tomarrow i'm going to have to run her some money cuse the dumbass didn't take any of her own, and she's going to need money for lunch and shit.
oh well, i don't feel like writing anymore today, so until later kiddies.
i guess that i'm just in a bad mood today but oh well. at work i they keep telling me to leave mike. but i love him. i know that he treats me like shit some of the time, but i keep hoping that he'll change. and THAT'S the BIGGEST mistake any girl does. hopes that someone will change. that's why women get abused so much. the classic "Oh, he didn't mean it." bullshit. and i know all that.
ok, so, i didn't know that livejournal actually saved that from last time. i think i wrote that about a week ago, but i stopped cuse mike had come up right behind me and i didn't want him to see that.
well, my life was a little bit of a mess there for a little while. mike had done some unthinkable shit to me, for which i shouldn't have forgiven him, but i did. i guess that i do love him, but maybe i just don't want to be alone? i don't really know. all that i DO know is that i have ZERO self-confidence so i don't even think i could get another man. plus i had gone to the bar with jenn this past weekend w/o mike and no guys even looked at me. it's kinda depressing to me that i couldn't even have gotten a guy if i tried. and i keep telling myself that it's because i'm fat and that i need to lose weight, then if i looked good i could get someone. i'm really not depressed today i swear.
BUT, ya know what? i found out where my old ex works. well not ex exactly, i dunno, just one of the many, many guys that bridgette tried to hook me up with when she lived in ohio. and i kinda actually used to like this guy. mike and i went up to great northern mall, and i happened to see vic (that's the guy) at sbarro's (or however the hell you spell it). and i kinda got a little tickled. so, i do suppose that i COULD try to get him, at least he has a job and shit, and he was a sweetheart. but when i knew him before he used to smoke a lot ofpot. he even used to grow it in his backyard.
icurumba. but it's like i love mike. i just wish that i could try out another penis just once? god, i'm so bad....
anyways, on another note...megan went to cedar point. i dropped her off. it was kinda sad though cuse i'm like the person that raised her in a way, cuse both my parents had to work all the time when i was growing up. i'm just worried that she's not gonna make it. but i know that she will. i think tonight or tomarrow i'm going to have to run her some money cuse the dumbass didn't take any of her own, and she's going to need money for lunch and shit.
oh well, i don't feel like writing anymore today, so until later kiddies.