Fanfic
Here's chapter two. Hey, if anyone is reading this at all, would you please at least post and let me know you read it. I know I'm not going to get many reads, but I do wonder how many if any.
Title: The Afterlife
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: DH Spoilers for deaths
Summary: The continuing saga of Severus Snape
Many thanks to golden_shadows for her help with Severus. He's a picky little bastard.
Discussing books with Lucian became a daily routine for Severus. He learned that they had very similar tastes in literature, and she was very knowledgeable in magic and potions. She would arrive in the morning with breakfast -eggs, bacon and tea- and then they would discuss the books they had read the day before. They would have a light lunch of sandwiches and then read until tea. She would leave after tea so that Severus could have time to himself, to go find others like him and reunite with friends.
But Severus never left. He had no friends. She told him once that James and Lily Potter lived nearby, but he only turned cold and refused to speak for hours. Of course she knew he cared about Lily; that was the only reason why he watched over Harry. But why had he reacted that way?
One day, Lucian decided to ask.
They were sitting in the wingback chairs that stood side by side in the library. The table between them held a tea set and a plate of biscuits. Lucian had her legs pulled up under her while Severus sat back with his legs stretched out before him. She had her book in her lap, a finger running along the words to keep her place. He held his book in one hand and tapped his lips on occasion with the forefinger of his other hand.
Lucian finished the paragraph she had been reading and reached for her tea. She looked at Severus as she sipped it. He looked so regal and handsome. He should have settled down with someone during his life. He certainly deserved it, but he was so stubborn and had never gotten over Lily Evans. She sighed and set her cup back down on its saucer. "Severus, may I ask you a question?"
His eyes flew over the page, trying to get to a stopping point. "Certainly," he said, putting his bookmark in the book and closing it, laying it on his lap. He turned and gave her his full attention.
She looked at him and pondered her question carefully. "Why have you not gone to visit Lily? You cared for her a great deal."
His face turned hard and he frowned deeply. "She does not want to see me," he replied frankly. "I may have cared, but she has never cared about me."
"You helped her son exactly when he needed you," she said. "What mother would not want to at least thank the man that saved her son's life? Well, besides my own, but she is the Avenging Angel, not the Guardian."
He nodded, understanding her meaning. They had discussed her mother on several occasions. It was obvious Lucian had not had a happy childhood. "Perhaps, but I certainly do not want to see that annoying man she calls a husband."
Lucian watched him. That was just an excuse. Yes, Severus never liked James Potter, and took some of his anger out on Harry, but he always remembered that Harry was Lily's son, too. And he knew he didn't have to see James; he could just ask Lily to meet him somewhere. "Do you still love her?"
Severus was about to retaliate and tell her he would never speak to James Potter, but she had tricked him. She didn't tell him that James was not bad. No, she asked a question he thought he'd never hear in his entire life. And he had no answer. In fact, the only times he had thought about her since arriving in Elysium was when Lucian had mentioned her name. He looked down at the book in his lap as he tried to answer.
Lucian sat in the silence, hoping to hear something from him, but there was nothing. Perhaps he didn't know how he felt anymore. "You know, Severus, you and I are actually a lot alike. You were a guardian in life, to those you liked and didn't like. I am a guardian all the time, for eternity, to those I like and those I don't like." She saw the look on his face and grinned. "Yes, even I don't like some people, but I have to watch over them because He and the Fates say so."
"'He and the Fates'?" he repeated.
She nodded. "I'm directly under Him, but the Fates call if they need me, like they did with you. To be honest, I'm glad they did." Her face flushed slightly and she looked down at her hands.
"Why?"
She chewed on her lip for a moment. The time had come to tell him. "Remember when you first came here and you asked how long I'd been watching you?" Severus nodded and she continued. "The Fates asked me to watch over you from the moment you became the Potions professor at Hogwarts. With their guidance and my protection, we led you down the path the Fates wanted you to travel."
Severus blinked. His life had been planned from one point in his life to his death? "What do you mean 'led'?" He crossed his arms, watching her like a hawk.
This was going to be difficult to explain. "Poor choice of words," she said. "My job was just to make sure you weren't hurt."
Severus raised an eyebrow. "What about the bite from that overgrown mongrel Hagrid called a dog?"
"You didn't die."
He pondered her answer for a moment and then threw his head back, laughing loudly. She watched him in complete confusion. What was so funny? "No, I did not die," he said finally through his mirth. "I thank you. You told me once that you had asked the Fates to spare my life. Why?"
"I'm only three years your junior, Severus. I was eighteen when you became the Potions Master at Hogwarts. And for nearly eighteen years, I have watched you grow as a man. I saw your highest and your lowest points. Half my life has involved you. I… I grew to care for you. I still do..." She trailed off, her voice quiet.
He sat in stunned silence. She actually cares for him, and he could hardly believe that. Who could care for him? He was surly, ill tempered, and down right nasty sometimes. And he certainly was not handsome, so he had been told countless times.
The silence was killing her. She had just revealed to him her deepest secret and he hadn't said anything. She obviously had her answer about Lily. He still cared. Standing quickly, the book in her lap falling to the floor, she unfurled her wings and headed towards the door. "I'm sorry. I have to go. Lots of work to do, you know."
He made no attempt to stop her. His mind was still trying to figure out why she cared about him. He might have put it off as a schoolgirl crush, but she wasn't a schoolgirl. She was close to his age, a woman, a beautiful woman at that. Why would a beautiful woman care about him? He pondered that question for the rest of the day.
The next morning, he awoke and made breakfast. Lucian never came. After a couple of hours waiting, he cleared the dishes and walked sadly into the library. On the table was an envelope. He picked it up and saw his name written in Lucian's flowing script.
Severus,
I apologize, but I will be unable to join you today. I have been neglectful of my work and need to catch up. Hopefully I will be able to return tomorrow. I hope you will be able to forgive me.
Lucian
He frowned sadly as he read the note. He had grown fond of their time together and hadn't even thought of her responsibilities to others. He scolded himself and went to busy himself in his potions lab to pass the time.
Lucian didn't return the next day, or the next. He received notes of apology from her every day, but never saw her smiling face. He was growing angry with her for not even dropping in to see him for a moment. Couldn't she at least do that?
It had been a week and still no Lucian. Severus looked at all of the notes. They all said the same thing: she was sorry she couldn't be there, but she had work to do, and she always asked his forgiveness. Why did she need him to forgive her? He pondered this and remembered their last conversation together.
She had asked him if he still loved Lily, and he hadn't answered. Did she think that his lack of a reply meant he still loved her? But she had moved on, telling him how they were alike, and telling him that she'd been watching him for half her life. He had once again been silent. That probably confirmed to her that he did still love Lily.
But did he still love Lily? He didn't know. He was fond of her, that was for certain, even now. She had been his friend when he'd had none. But then he had been horrible to her, called her a Mudblood. He rubbed his face with his hands. Maybe it was time to finally visit Lily Evans Potter.
He arrived at their home. It looked exactly like the one in Godric's Hollow, the one in which they had been killed. He was nervous, to say the least. Looking at the door, he lifted his hand to knock, but dropped it. Could he actually do this? You're not the man you once were, Severus, he scolded himself as he raised his hand again and knocked solidly on the door.
James opened the door and his eyes widened behind his black-rimmed glasses. "Snivel… Severus, please, come in." He let Severus into the house and pointed him towards the living room. "Lils? We have a guest. Severus has come to visit."
Lily appeared from the kitchen, wiping her hands dry on a dishtowel. She smiled brightly when she saw him. "Sev!" She rushed over and hugged him. "It's about time you came to visit. James and I have wanted to thank you for everything you did for Harry and the rest of the Order."
Severus was nervous as she hugged him, looking over at James the entire time. The other man only had a smile on his face. He finally relaxed and felt the warmth in Lily's hug. "Yes, well, I only did what was asked of me."
James reached out and shook his hand. "You never had to for all the things Sirius and I did to you. We do appreciate everything."
He looked at their hands in shock. He was actually shaking James Potter's hand. Looking up, he saw genuine appreciation in the other man's eyes. Now he knew he was in Hell. That was the only thing that could explain this.
Lily grabbed his arm and pulled him to the couch. "Please sit. I was just making tea." She scuttled into the kitchen and returned with a tea set. She placed it on the coffee table and sat beside him. James sat in the chair beside the couch.
"What took you so long?" James asked. "I’m sure Lucian told you we were here."
Severus looked at him in confusion. "You know Lucian?"
"Of course we do," Lily replied as she poured the tea. "She is the one who showed us into Elysium. It took a while for her to tell me she was your Guardian, but after that, we talked about you all the time."
"She… talked to you about me?" Severus' jaw was slightly ajar. What had Lucian and Lily discussed about him?
Lily laughed and handed him a tea cup. "Yes, all the time. When she came to tell me you would be here soon, she was very upset."
Lucian had been upset that his life was ending. Severus sat the untouched cup back on the table. "Have you seen her recently?" he asked. "Like in the last few days?"
"She was just here yesterday," James replied, eyeing Severus carefully.
Lily nodded, agreeing with James. "I thought she came to see you every day," she said to Severus. Then she saw the look on her face and remembered that Lucian hadn't mentioned Severus in days. "Oh… oh dear." She reached out to touch his hands. "What happened?"
When her hand touched his, Severus felt something. It wasn't what he'd expected. It was just the warmth of a friend, nothing more. He looked up into her eyes and saw the caring a friend would show to another friend. And in his heart, he felt something else. Worry that he had ruined things with someone who cared for him more than a friend and who he thought he might care for as well.
He stood quickly, his shins bumping into the table and spilling the tea. He looked down aghast. "I'm sorry, Lily. I need to go. I need to find Lucian."
Lily stood beside him and smiled, "You do that, Severus. I'm sure she would love to speak to you."
Title: The Afterlife
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: DH Spoilers for deaths
Summary: The continuing saga of Severus Snape
Many thanks to golden_shadows for her help with Severus. He's a picky little bastard.
Discussing books with Lucian became a daily routine for Severus. He learned that they had very similar tastes in literature, and she was very knowledgeable in magic and potions. She would arrive in the morning with breakfast -eggs, bacon and tea- and then they would discuss the books they had read the day before. They would have a light lunch of sandwiches and then read until tea. She would leave after tea so that Severus could have time to himself, to go find others like him and reunite with friends.
But Severus never left. He had no friends. She told him once that James and Lily Potter lived nearby, but he only turned cold and refused to speak for hours. Of course she knew he cared about Lily; that was the only reason why he watched over Harry. But why had he reacted that way?
One day, Lucian decided to ask.
They were sitting in the wingback chairs that stood side by side in the library. The table between them held a tea set and a plate of biscuits. Lucian had her legs pulled up under her while Severus sat back with his legs stretched out before him. She had her book in her lap, a finger running along the words to keep her place. He held his book in one hand and tapped his lips on occasion with the forefinger of his other hand.
Lucian finished the paragraph she had been reading and reached for her tea. She looked at Severus as she sipped it. He looked so regal and handsome. He should have settled down with someone during his life. He certainly deserved it, but he was so stubborn and had never gotten over Lily Evans. She sighed and set her cup back down on its saucer. "Severus, may I ask you a question?"
His eyes flew over the page, trying to get to a stopping point. "Certainly," he said, putting his bookmark in the book and closing it, laying it on his lap. He turned and gave her his full attention.
She looked at him and pondered her question carefully. "Why have you not gone to visit Lily? You cared for her a great deal."
His face turned hard and he frowned deeply. "She does not want to see me," he replied frankly. "I may have cared, but she has never cared about me."
"You helped her son exactly when he needed you," she said. "What mother would not want to at least thank the man that saved her son's life? Well, besides my own, but she is the Avenging Angel, not the Guardian."
He nodded, understanding her meaning. They had discussed her mother on several occasions. It was obvious Lucian had not had a happy childhood. "Perhaps, but I certainly do not want to see that annoying man she calls a husband."
Lucian watched him. That was just an excuse. Yes, Severus never liked James Potter, and took some of his anger out on Harry, but he always remembered that Harry was Lily's son, too. And he knew he didn't have to see James; he could just ask Lily to meet him somewhere. "Do you still love her?"
Severus was about to retaliate and tell her he would never speak to James Potter, but she had tricked him. She didn't tell him that James was not bad. No, she asked a question he thought he'd never hear in his entire life. And he had no answer. In fact, the only times he had thought about her since arriving in Elysium was when Lucian had mentioned her name. He looked down at the book in his lap as he tried to answer.
Lucian sat in the silence, hoping to hear something from him, but there was nothing. Perhaps he didn't know how he felt anymore. "You know, Severus, you and I are actually a lot alike. You were a guardian in life, to those you liked and didn't like. I am a guardian all the time, for eternity, to those I like and those I don't like." She saw the look on his face and grinned. "Yes, even I don't like some people, but I have to watch over them because He and the Fates say so."
"'He and the Fates'?" he repeated.
She nodded. "I'm directly under Him, but the Fates call if they need me, like they did with you. To be honest, I'm glad they did." Her face flushed slightly and she looked down at her hands.
"Why?"
She chewed on her lip for a moment. The time had come to tell him. "Remember when you first came here and you asked how long I'd been watching you?" Severus nodded and she continued. "The Fates asked me to watch over you from the moment you became the Potions professor at Hogwarts. With their guidance and my protection, we led you down the path the Fates wanted you to travel."
Severus blinked. His life had been planned from one point in his life to his death? "What do you mean 'led'?" He crossed his arms, watching her like a hawk.
This was going to be difficult to explain. "Poor choice of words," she said. "My job was just to make sure you weren't hurt."
Severus raised an eyebrow. "What about the bite from that overgrown mongrel Hagrid called a dog?"
"You didn't die."
He pondered her answer for a moment and then threw his head back, laughing loudly. She watched him in complete confusion. What was so funny? "No, I did not die," he said finally through his mirth. "I thank you. You told me once that you had asked the Fates to spare my life. Why?"
"I'm only three years your junior, Severus. I was eighteen when you became the Potions Master at Hogwarts. And for nearly eighteen years, I have watched you grow as a man. I saw your highest and your lowest points. Half my life has involved you. I… I grew to care for you. I still do..." She trailed off, her voice quiet.
He sat in stunned silence. She actually cares for him, and he could hardly believe that. Who could care for him? He was surly, ill tempered, and down right nasty sometimes. And he certainly was not handsome, so he had been told countless times.
The silence was killing her. She had just revealed to him her deepest secret and he hadn't said anything. She obviously had her answer about Lily. He still cared. Standing quickly, the book in her lap falling to the floor, she unfurled her wings and headed towards the door. "I'm sorry. I have to go. Lots of work to do, you know."
He made no attempt to stop her. His mind was still trying to figure out why she cared about him. He might have put it off as a schoolgirl crush, but she wasn't a schoolgirl. She was close to his age, a woman, a beautiful woman at that. Why would a beautiful woman care about him? He pondered that question for the rest of the day.
The next morning, he awoke and made breakfast. Lucian never came. After a couple of hours waiting, he cleared the dishes and walked sadly into the library. On the table was an envelope. He picked it up and saw his name written in Lucian's flowing script.
Severus,
I apologize, but I will be unable to join you today. I have been neglectful of my work and need to catch up. Hopefully I will be able to return tomorrow. I hope you will be able to forgive me.
Lucian
He frowned sadly as he read the note. He had grown fond of their time together and hadn't even thought of her responsibilities to others. He scolded himself and went to busy himself in his potions lab to pass the time.
Lucian didn't return the next day, or the next. He received notes of apology from her every day, but never saw her smiling face. He was growing angry with her for not even dropping in to see him for a moment. Couldn't she at least do that?
It had been a week and still no Lucian. Severus looked at all of the notes. They all said the same thing: she was sorry she couldn't be there, but she had work to do, and she always asked his forgiveness. Why did she need him to forgive her? He pondered this and remembered their last conversation together.
She had asked him if he still loved Lily, and he hadn't answered. Did she think that his lack of a reply meant he still loved her? But she had moved on, telling him how they were alike, and telling him that she'd been watching him for half her life. He had once again been silent. That probably confirmed to her that he did still love Lily.
But did he still love Lily? He didn't know. He was fond of her, that was for certain, even now. She had been his friend when he'd had none. But then he had been horrible to her, called her a Mudblood. He rubbed his face with his hands. Maybe it was time to finally visit Lily Evans Potter.
He arrived at their home. It looked exactly like the one in Godric's Hollow, the one in which they had been killed. He was nervous, to say the least. Looking at the door, he lifted his hand to knock, but dropped it. Could he actually do this? You're not the man you once were, Severus, he scolded himself as he raised his hand again and knocked solidly on the door.
James opened the door and his eyes widened behind his black-rimmed glasses. "Snivel… Severus, please, come in." He let Severus into the house and pointed him towards the living room. "Lils? We have a guest. Severus has come to visit."
Lily appeared from the kitchen, wiping her hands dry on a dishtowel. She smiled brightly when she saw him. "Sev!" She rushed over and hugged him. "It's about time you came to visit. James and I have wanted to thank you for everything you did for Harry and the rest of the Order."
Severus was nervous as she hugged him, looking over at James the entire time. The other man only had a smile on his face. He finally relaxed and felt the warmth in Lily's hug. "Yes, well, I only did what was asked of me."
James reached out and shook his hand. "You never had to for all the things Sirius and I did to you. We do appreciate everything."
He looked at their hands in shock. He was actually shaking James Potter's hand. Looking up, he saw genuine appreciation in the other man's eyes. Now he knew he was in Hell. That was the only thing that could explain this.
Lily grabbed his arm and pulled him to the couch. "Please sit. I was just making tea." She scuttled into the kitchen and returned with a tea set. She placed it on the coffee table and sat beside him. James sat in the chair beside the couch.
"What took you so long?" James asked. "I’m sure Lucian told you we were here."
Severus looked at him in confusion. "You know Lucian?"
"Of course we do," Lily replied as she poured the tea. "She is the one who showed us into Elysium. It took a while for her to tell me she was your Guardian, but after that, we talked about you all the time."
"She… talked to you about me?" Severus' jaw was slightly ajar. What had Lucian and Lily discussed about him?
Lily laughed and handed him a tea cup. "Yes, all the time. When she came to tell me you would be here soon, she was very upset."
Lucian had been upset that his life was ending. Severus sat the untouched cup back on the table. "Have you seen her recently?" he asked. "Like in the last few days?"
"She was just here yesterday," James replied, eyeing Severus carefully.
Lily nodded, agreeing with James. "I thought she came to see you every day," she said to Severus. Then she saw the look on her face and remembered that Lucian hadn't mentioned Severus in days. "Oh… oh dear." She reached out to touch his hands. "What happened?"
When her hand touched his, Severus felt something. It wasn't what he'd expected. It was just the warmth of a friend, nothing more. He looked up into her eyes and saw the caring a friend would show to another friend. And in his heart, he felt something else. Worry that he had ruined things with someone who cared for him more than a friend and who he thought he might care for as well.
He stood quickly, his shins bumping into the table and spilling the tea. He looked down aghast. "I'm sorry, Lily. I need to go. I need to find Lucian."
Lily stood beside him and smiled, "You do that, Severus. I'm sure she would love to speak to you."