Feeling left out
Ever since I moved here I have been happy and smiling. Really I have. Then the past 2 weeks all I do is cry. Why, I am not really sure. I love being here and I love that I am so close to him. I feel like I've become a complete bitch in the last two weeks, because all I seem to do is complain to him. Its not that I try to, it just happens. I mean things were so different when I hadn't moved here. We talked more, he wanted to be around me more to talk to me. He would do anything just talk to me. We used to stay up on the phone all night talking. Well why should I complain I mean we got what we wanted. I moved here. I might be here physically but things are different. I just don't know, I think I am rambling already. Now that I am here I want to be around him, or at least talk to him all the time. But I know that that can't be. He had/has a life other than me. I guess what I am asking for is completely unreasonable. I want to be his world. I know that can't happen and I have to accept that. I mean I love this boy with all me, there's never any question about that. When I don't feel down, my smile is so bright because of him. I know that this was the best decision I've ever made. When he looks at me, when he stares in my eyes, when he kisses me I know this is forever. Maybe I should just let override how I feel sometimes because I know he tries his best.
What if I want to spend everyday with him? Is that such a crime. I know that I have to get out and meet different people. But I've never been good at making friends. I like the guys I hang out with at work, but thats just it they're all guys. Maybe I should just stop giving Caleb such a hard-time. I fear that if I keep doing so he won't put up with the crap much longer and call it quits. =( I couldn't bear that. I couldn't bear if he left me. I love him so much. Maybe I should just stop complaining....
I love him and I know that he loves me. We both are trying our best, I just need to try a little harder to give him his space and not get so pissy about it.
I was talking to my friend Cory, and she's like "you don't i know you want to but you guys aren't gonna die if you are apart for 24 hours...i promise...i know it is hard...but it will be okay" I just realized that we actually haven't done that since I've been here, except once. She's right, we.. well I should learn that I don't need to with him 24/7.. tho I'd like too. I do have to get out and meet people. I have to learn to have a life besides Caleb, I've made him into be my whole life... maybe its not such a good idea... lol... these thoughts keep flooding my brain.. thats all for now! =)
What if I want to spend everyday with him? Is that such a crime. I know that I have to get out and meet different people. But I've never been good at making friends. I like the guys I hang out with at work, but thats just it they're all guys. Maybe I should just stop giving Caleb such a hard-time. I fear that if I keep doing so he won't put up with the crap much longer and call it quits. =( I couldn't bear that. I couldn't bear if he left me. I love him so much. Maybe I should just stop complaining....
I love him and I know that he loves me. We both are trying our best, I just need to try a little harder to give him his space and not get so pissy about it.
I was talking to my friend Cory, and she's like "you don't i know you want to but you guys aren't gonna die if you are apart for 24 hours...i promise...i know it is hard...but it will be okay" I just realized that we actually haven't done that since I've been here, except once. She's right, we.. well I should learn that I don't need to with him 24/7.. tho I'd like too. I do have to get out and meet people. I have to learn to have a life besides Caleb, I've made him into be my whole life... maybe its not such a good idea... lol... these thoughts keep flooding my brain.. thats all for now! =)