Working Thru The Pain
Working Thru The Pain
So I had an MRI this morning at 6:45, and while it was not the horror that some movies have painted it to be, it wasn’t fun either. Damn that tube they put you in is tight. And I was quite dizzy afterward...
What? MRI?? Why ever did you have an MRI, Ben?
I woke up a little over two weeks ago in some arm pain. Like part of my deltoid and by bicep was just cold with pain. Then I realized there was a LOT of neck pain besides. After less than a week I couldn’t take it any more, and I am no wimp to pain, despite what both my ex’s think. After the heart-attack years ago, then the appendicitis, and the gangrenous gallbladder, you have a whole new concept of pain. And this was getting up there. My thumb and next two fingers go numb!
The pain is enough that I can’t get comfortable, and pain is exhausting, which means you don’t get much sleep, which means recovering is difficult. Hard to be positive and believe in wellness and send myself healing energy when you are exhausted and can’t sleep and are in constant pain (from just barely to near tear-inducing).
So I went to the doctor and he thought it was deltoid tendonitis. I wasn’t so sure. He gave me anti-inflammatories and muscle relaxants which have done next to nothing. Or at least I don’t think they have. He wanted me to get physical therapy, but I couldn’t get an appointment until yesterday where he usually sends people…
So last Monday I called him and told him I couldn’t wait and he sent me to this place and this sweet beautiful young man played with my upper body and arm and finally decided that it was indeed my neck and not tendonitis. That either I have a pinched nerve or maybe a bone spur in my neck that is closing some kind of opening where a nerve cluster comes out of the spine. He and my doctor recommend continued PT, and the guy recommended a cortisone shot on my neck. My doctor doesn’t like his patients to get cortisone shots. The PT thought that it would be good because I can’t relax in order to get better.
A side note. This young man was amazing. It was practically like I was being made love to. Does that make any sense? It was so intimate and he was so gentle and the way he touched my was incredible. It was almost, but not, sexual. I realized that this is what he does! All his patients must be treated that same way. WOW!
I am having to get … dammit, why can’t I remember the phrase I am looking for here?
So the thing is, the PT where I went last week is under a $500 deductible, whereas if I go where I went yesterday, St Luke’s, since it is a charity hospital, what I can’t pay, they may write off. They’ve written off thousands in bills for me in the past when they checked over my income to outcome. So while the new PT is not a lovely young man it is the smart thing to do. Go with her.
She wants to see me twice a week.
But I am getting insistent. I don’t want to wait weeks only to find out exercise or rest isn’t going to do it. I practically demanded an X-ray so we can find out if this is bone growth or whatever that is causing the trouble. If not, I will do whatever they want. But l learned a lot from that thirteen-f*cing-days in the hospital several years ago with the gallbladder. You have to take personal action with all of this. (what is it called! Aaargh!) I am having to be insistent. Demanding. I demanded pain meds (which are almost gone now).
I am also going to go see a pain management doctor, whatever the hell that is.
I have decided that I am not doing an “new thing.” I am done. Heart attack, appendicitis, gallbladder, arthritis in my knees…. I am DONE! I am not doing this shoulder thing. I am taking action. This will be taken care of.
My thing now is to have something to deal with the pain so I can clear my head and get on the ball and get this over and done with.
And I believe in prayer. I don’t mean that down-on-my-knees-humbly-begging-crap though. I mean co-authorship and co-creatorship here.
AND science has PROVED that attitude does amazing things, where it is psychological or something else is up to personal opinion.
So prayers are appreciated, good energy, thoughts and opinions.
I will get better.
I am getting better now!
Just around the bend and I am in a good good place.
This is why I haven’t looked at my f’list, haven’t written much story wise or posting wise. Just this post has got my shoulder to screaming so I am going to stop now.
And rest.
And be well.
Thank you my friends,
Namasté,
Ben
So I had an MRI this morning at 6:45, and while it was not the horror that some movies have painted it to be, it wasn’t fun either. Damn that tube they put you in is tight. And I was quite dizzy afterward...
What? MRI?? Why ever did you have an MRI, Ben?
I woke up a little over two weeks ago in some arm pain. Like part of my deltoid and by bicep was just cold with pain. Then I realized there was a LOT of neck pain besides. After less than a week I couldn’t take it any more, and I am no wimp to pain, despite what both my ex’s think. After the heart-attack years ago, then the appendicitis, and the gangrenous gallbladder, you have a whole new concept of pain. And this was getting up there. My thumb and next two fingers go numb!
The pain is enough that I can’t get comfortable, and pain is exhausting, which means you don’t get much sleep, which means recovering is difficult. Hard to be positive and believe in wellness and send myself healing energy when you are exhausted and can’t sleep and are in constant pain (from just barely to near tear-inducing).
So I went to the doctor and he thought it was deltoid tendonitis. I wasn’t so sure. He gave me anti-inflammatories and muscle relaxants which have done next to nothing. Or at least I don’t think they have. He wanted me to get physical therapy, but I couldn’t get an appointment until yesterday where he usually sends people…
So last Monday I called him and told him I couldn’t wait and he sent me to this place and this sweet beautiful young man played with my upper body and arm and finally decided that it was indeed my neck and not tendonitis. That either I have a pinched nerve or maybe a bone spur in my neck that is closing some kind of opening where a nerve cluster comes out of the spine. He and my doctor recommend continued PT, and the guy recommended a cortisone shot on my neck. My doctor doesn’t like his patients to get cortisone shots. The PT thought that it would be good because I can’t relax in order to get better.
A side note. This young man was amazing. It was practically like I was being made love to. Does that make any sense? It was so intimate and he was so gentle and the way he touched my was incredible. It was almost, but not, sexual. I realized that this is what he does! All his patients must be treated that same way. WOW!
I am having to get … dammit, why can’t I remember the phrase I am looking for here?
So the thing is, the PT where I went last week is under a $500 deductible, whereas if I go where I went yesterday, St Luke’s, since it is a charity hospital, what I can’t pay, they may write off. They’ve written off thousands in bills for me in the past when they checked over my income to outcome. So while the new PT is not a lovely young man it is the smart thing to do. Go with her.
She wants to see me twice a week.
But I am getting insistent. I don’t want to wait weeks only to find out exercise or rest isn’t going to do it. I practically demanded an X-ray so we can find out if this is bone growth or whatever that is causing the trouble. If not, I will do whatever they want. But l learned a lot from that thirteen-f*cing-days in the hospital several years ago with the gallbladder. You have to take personal action with all of this. (what is it called! Aaargh!) I am having to be insistent. Demanding. I demanded pain meds (which are almost gone now).
I am also going to go see a pain management doctor, whatever the hell that is.
I have decided that I am not doing an “new thing.” I am done. Heart attack, appendicitis, gallbladder, arthritis in my knees…. I am DONE! I am not doing this shoulder thing. I am taking action. This will be taken care of.
My thing now is to have something to deal with the pain so I can clear my head and get on the ball and get this over and done with.
And I believe in prayer. I don’t mean that down-on-my-knees-humbly-begging-crap though. I mean co-authorship and co-creatorship here.
AND science has PROVED that attitude does amazing things, where it is psychological or something else is up to personal opinion.
So prayers are appreciated, good energy, thoughts and opinions.
I will get better.
I am getting better now!
Just around the bend and I am in a good good place.
This is why I haven’t looked at my f’list, haven’t written much story wise or posting wise. Just this post has got my shoulder to screaming so I am going to stop now.
And rest.
And be well.
Thank you my friends,
Namasté,
Ben