Never Let Go (Mcfly SA)
Title: Never Let Go
Author: Casey (kc_love131)
Rating: PG13
Pairing: Pudd
Description: SA song fic set to ‘Never Let Go’ by Hanson. Highly recommended to listen as you read http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j5yO1ZqbIGc
Lyrics in italics
Comments adored, constructive criticism welcome =D
Never Let Go
Just lay down
and let your worries sleep
Don't think now
the water's dark and deep
I woke up with a start, not quite sure why. It was only when I heard a shrill scream, followed by a series of small whimpers ring throughout the room that I realized. Dougie… it was no use trying to wake him, so I gently wrapped my arms around him and held him tightly as he continued lashing out, starting in on me.
“I love you” I whispered in his ear, “Don’t be scared baby, Harry’s here. Nothing can hurt you. I’ve got you. I’ll keep you safe.”
Eventually he settled and I pulled him in and rested his head on my chest, knowing my heartbeat helped settle him.
It kills to see him like this, knowing all I can do is try to reassure him and calm him down. He used to have these night terrors near the beginning of the band. Eventually they stopped, but have since returned a few weeks ago. He never remembers them when he wakes up, which makes him feel even guiltier when he sees the scratches and bruises his struggling has left on my body. I don’t care though, I wish he could see that. He could shove a knife through my heart, and I’m so in love with him that my only regret would be leaving him so soon.
'Cause you know that I love you and never let go
And you know that I'll love you forever
I love you and never let go
Yes I love you and never let go
I stay awake now, ready to comfort him in an instant if he needs it. He doesn’t though, once we are in this position he’s usually settled for the night. It’s just a pity that it doesn’t help if we go to bed like this in the first place. I don’t go back to sleep though, not willing to risk it. Not until the early hours of the morning when the sun is rising and I know the nightmares won’t be getting him again now that darkness has gone, do I let sleep overcome me. It’s been ages since I’ve gotten a good night’s sleep. Not since these dreams started happening. Tom and Danny know, they often hear him in the night but there’s nothing they can do. Both of them have had their turn with him in the night while I slept in their beds. They hoped they’d be able to give me at least one night’s sleep. It never worked though, and each turn they took resulted in Dougie getting worse and worse, until they had to come fetch me. They felt so guilty about not being able to handle it, about waking me… but I was always awake, listening out for him, anyway. It was habit now. I woke with his screams and didn’t sleep again until he was long since settled. And as they never settled him, well, I never slept. Once he got so bad that he began scratching at his skin and yanking his hair, pulling huge chunks out. Danny had come running to get me, only to bump into me in the doorway as I ran to Dougie. He could never be left alone at night, too scared of what he could and probably would do, and he couldn’t make it through a night without me.
I just wanted to take this all away, make these dreams leave him for good. I would take them on myself if possible, but then it’d be him in my position instead which was possibly worse. As much as these dreams frightened him at the time, as much damage as he caused, at least he didn’t remember any of it in the morning. The sweaty, tangled sheets and angry marks on my skin being the only indication to him that something was unusual here.
Just cry out
yeah I've cried those tears before
I can feel it now
as your teardrops hit the floor
I awoke again in the morning, to find him gently tracing his fingers over the angry marks and welts on my skin as tears silently slid down his cheeks. I raised a hand and brushed them away, pulling him to me and letting our lips slowly brush against each others. My heart ached for him as he cried, knowing nobody as amazing as him should ever go through even half of this pain.
“Why do you let me do this to you? He mumbled, nuzzling his head into my neck.
I sighed and ran my fingers through his soft hair, before hugging him tighter.
“Because it’s better than the alternative.” I replied after a few moments of silence.
'Cause you know that I love you and never let go
and you know that I'll love you forever
I'll love you and never let go
Yes I love you and never let go
I’m so, so sorry Harry,” he said, raising his head and locking his eyes with mine. “I would never want to hurt you and I don’t even know it when I do, or remember why!” he cried out, his tears escaping again.
“Dougie” I said fiercely, feeling him tense at my voice, “I love you. And you love me. I would do absolutely anything for you, no question. A few bruises or scratches are a small price to pay, if only you’re alright.”
You don’t have to ask me do I love you
as I hold you shows it how much I do
I'm yours until
forever is through
“How can you love me so much to let me put you through this?” he murmured
“Dougie, no!” I raised my voice, hearing it crack with emotion “ How can you ask that? How can you honestly ask me how much I love you? I would run to the end of the earth if you asked me to, and then run back so I don’t miss another moment with you. I would rip my owns arms off if you told me to, and my only worry would be how I would hold you close to me again. I love you Dougie. Please don’t ask me how much, it’s not fair of you. How on earth am I supposed to put it into words?” I hold him close to me, devastated that I couldn’t make him understand even half of it.
“I’m sorry Harry” he whispered, “I shouldn’t of asked. You don’t have to prove it to me, because if it’s even half of what I feel for you I know it couldn’t ever be put into actions, let alone simple words
Every time I stand for you
I know I laid my life down for you
Never let, not ever let go
We clutched desperately to each other, needing reassurance that the other knew at least some of what we felt, some of the intense passion and deep love we felt for each other. Every breath, every word, every blink of an eye… I did it all for him. Everything was for him. In the early stages we had tried to prove it to each other, but this quickly proved impossible. Now we just held each other, feeling the love radiating between us and knowing it was no longer possible to prove or explain the depth or true extent of our feelings for each other.
Just lay down
Put your worried thoughts to bed
As slumber pulls you down
On my shoulder rest your head
The day went on as usual and, as it drew to a close, I stood and reached my hand out to him.
“Come on Dougie. Time for bed.”
He so dreaded sleep he wouldn’t even move until I told him to. We stripped down to our boxes and slid under the covers, feeling him tremble all the while. I rubbed his back, feeling him relax under my touch. He shuffled closer to me and rested his head on my chest.
“I love you Dougie” I whispered in his ear, noticing the goosebumps appear on his flesh and the shiver running through him as I did. “I would do anything to show you how much but until I think of a way, just know that I’ll love you forever and never let go.”
Hs eyelids drooped and his breathing grew heavy as sleep drew him in. I lay awake watching him until I felt my own eyes close. And we both slept soundly through the night wrapped in each other’s arms.
Cause you know that I love you and never let go
You know that I love you forever
I love you and never let go
Yes I love you and never let go