(no subject)
Well it has been an extremely long time since I have actually updated but I really only have one thing to talk about ironically enough.
Lauren and I have been going through a rough time recently. I want to say that I am making everything better but a lot of the time I think that I just make everything worse. She isn't happy and all I want is to change that. She wants me to do all of these things for her that are so simple and yet when I try to keep them all in mind my head gets so jumbled that I forget things and I fail to do things and it is doing nothing but hurting her and I HATE it. All I want is to make her happy and my own stupidity is getting in the way.
But that is just an excuse, and there is no excuse for not making her happy. I don't care how hard I have to try if I have to keep flash cards with me I just want to do everything for her. I love her selflessly but now I need to show her that. I look around this room, to her sleeping quietly behind me, and all I want is for her to wake to me giving her a big and for us to spend the night together and not even consider what has been bothering her.
But I don't want that, as much as I say I hate it and say it hurts I can't keep pretending like everything is going to be okay because frankly I don't know. I love Lauren with all of my heart but I need to get shit straight with myself. Fuck needing time, it needs to happen NOW. Lauren is unhappy now, not when I'm done thinking. And I am going to do it now.
I'm sorry for rambling, but I love Lauren so much my head races when she is upset...
No more to live my life alone,
And in your soul I found my home,
At peace within your loving arms,
Captivated by your charms,
And happily I'd die for you,
Here at this table set for two.
Lauren I'm never going to give up and I'm done with asking for time to think. I've thought and I've realized that I would do anything for you and that is exactly what I am going to do.