Fic: Manorexic, Harry/Draco, NC-17
Title: Manorexic
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 1,619
Summary: The Malfoys have always been very clear as to what they hold in high regard, such as wealth and blood purity, but as Pansy and Blaise found out in July of last year, there are some things that Lucius and Narcissa drilled into Draco's head from the time he was a little boy that left deeper impressions than even a Dark Mark.
Warnings: Eating Disorder
Author's Note: Since I'm back on track, I'm updating with a shorter chapter. There are only a few chapters left, and they will be up in a timely fashion. I couldn't resist the cliffhanger at the end of this chapter, so you'll have to forgive me for both that and the length. I couldn't resist.
ADDITIONAL NOTE: The title of this fiction is an ambiguous word. No offense is meant by its use.
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by J.K. Rowling. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Manorexic
Chapter Twenty-Three
Anthony was already feeling stressed and tired and lethargic when he came upon Ginny standing by the entrance to Ravenclaw Tower. He’d been studying all day and had an exam in his last class. The last thing he wanted right now was to see a teary-eyed Ginny Weasley waiting for him with her arms crossed and mouth set.
He knew. Everything about her appearance said it clearly. And he felt his stomach clench and tears build up behind his eyes.
“Anthony,” Ginny said as he approached her. He nodded. “There’s - there’s something I have to tell you.”
* * *
Draco looked adorable when he was concentrating. In fact, it was a bit distracting, and Harry couldn’t manage to focus on his own work with Draco writing an essay beside him. The library was emptying out for the night and the two sat alone at a table. Pansy was off doing something on her own, claiming to have no interest in studying tonight.
“Can you stop doing that?”
Draco looked up from his essay and frowned.
“Stop doing what?”
“Looking so bloody cute,” Harry whispered, eyes still on his textbook. Peripherally he saw Draco blush. “It’s distracting me.”
“My sincerest apologies,” Draco drawled. He scrolled up his parchment and packed it away in his bag. Harry watched him stand up and felt his heart flutter when he caught sight of the soft smile on Draco’s face. “Maybe you’ll get some work done now that I’m leaving.”
“Where are you going?”
Draco scoffed. “To bed. I’m tired. And anyway, tomorrow’s Thursday and I have Arithmancy in the morning.”
Harry just caught himself before he reached out to pull Draco down into a kiss. Draco must have noticed because he smirked.
“Goodnight, Harry,” he said softly. Harry merely smiled, finding that he quite suddenly couldn’t make his jaw work. He watched Draco leave the library, his hips subtly swaying as he walked, no doubt to tease. An enormous smile was playing on Harry’s face when he turned back to his work.
He stayed for another hour, trying desperately to finish his Transfiguration homework. Life without Hermione was certainly difficult. The thought of her put a damper on his good spirits and he left the library with his shoulders slumped a bit. Merlin, he missed Ron and Hermione.
He was walking along the corridor that led to Gryffindor Tower when he spotted Anthony leaning against the wall. Habitually, he put on a smile and moved toward his boyfriend, reaching out to grab his hand, despite the fact that he no longer held much desire to do so.
Anthony pulled his hand away and Harry froze. As is generally the case when one is burdened with a guilty conscience, Harry’s mind immediately jumped to one conclusion: he knows.
“Let’s move to an empty classroom, shall we?” Anthony said, unnervingly calm. Harry swallowed. Nodded. Anthony led him through a door on the opposite side of the hallway, closing and locking the door behind them.
“Is . . . something wrong?” Harry asked lamely. Anthony’s cheeks flushed with nearly palpable anger.
“I’m not sure,” he answered rather cryptically. His arms folded over his chest and he leant back on a desk.
Harry hesitated a moment. “What do you mean . . . ?”
“How’s Malfoy?”
Harry’s stomach did a strange flip-flop and a lump suddenly appeared in his throat.
“He’s. . . . Er, he’s doing a lot better. Why do you ask?”
Anthony pursed his lips. He ignored Harry’s question entirely. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“Do you have feelings for Malfoy?”
“What?” Harry stammered, taken completely off guard by the blunt question. “No, of course not. Anthony, I’m with you.”
“So, hypothetically, if you ever did start having feelings for him, you’d be honest about it, right? You’d let me know, so we could figure something out?”
“O-of course.” Harry shoved his hands in his pockets. They were sweating profusely and beginning to shake.
“And if you ever, I don’t know, became physical with him, you’d tell me, wouldn't you? So that we could talk about it?”
“Anthony, I would never -”
“Wouldn’t you?”
Harry took a deep breath and looked at the ground, willing his body to stop giving him away. This was already a mess, but if he could talk Anthony out of his suspicions maybe he could still salvage the situation.
“You know I would, Anthony.”
Anthony positively fumed.
“So if I asked you right now whether you and Malfoy have ever had sex, you’d tell me no?”
“I told you before, Anthony, my relationship with Malfoy is purely -”
“Answer the question, Harry,” he said sharply. Harry swallowed thickly.
“No, I’ve never had sex with Malfoy. I would never do that to -”
“You’re a fucking liar!” he burst out, startling Harry and causing him to stumble back a step. “Don’t lie to me, Harry, I know you’ve been fooling around with him for weeks!”
And even though he knew Anthony was right, Harry felt indignant at being accused of anything. His infamous temper began to bubble and he stepped closer.
“I’ve never so much as touched him, Anthony!” he shouted. “How dare you accuse me of cheating!”
“FUCK YOU, HARRY!” The sound echoed around the room, bouncing off the walls, making Harry feel two feet tall in the face of his outraged boyfriend. “GINNY SAW YOU YESTERDAY! SHE SAW YOU AND MALFOY LEAVE THAT ALCOVE AND SHE SAW YOU KISS HIM! IF YOU WEREN’T FUCKING HIM BEHIND THOSE DRAPES THEN WHAT WERE YOU DOING, HARRY?!”
Harry couldn’t find his voice.
Yesterday. Behind the drapes. Ginny had been in the corridor. Ginny had heard them, and she’d seen them kiss.
And she’d told Anthony.
He felt angry tears welling up in his eyes and a desire to punch something. The sheer enormity of the whole situation pressed down on him and suddenly his whole body ached.
When he stayed silent for another few seconds Anthony sneered at him.
“You’re pathetic,” he seethed. “This is over. Have fun with Malfoy.”
And with that Anthony left the room, leaving the door wide open behind him. Harry heard his footsteps moving away from the room until they faded completely. And then he sagged against a wall and buried his face in his hands.
* * *
The Map told Harry that Draco was in his dorm. Remembering how Draco had contacted him that night that seemed so long ago, he scribbled something on a piece of parchment and found a lingering Slytherin student, asking if she’d be so kind as to deliver it to Draco. She agreed, though with obvious ambivalence. It caused Harry's skin to crawl knowing that it wasn't only the thought of delivering a message to Malfoy that she didn't like, but delivering it for him. He'd done a splendid job of digging a hole.
He waited in the prefects’ bathroom. He went to the stall, recalling the time he’d rubbed Draco’s back as he vomited. And there were the mirrors, where he’d watched Draco scrutinize his body. Where he’d first found him that night two months ago and become curious.
He dangled his legs over the empty pool. Remembered washing Draco’s back, kissing him for the first time, putting bubbles on his face.
His thoughts were broken by the sound of the door opening and shutting. He swallowed a lump in his throat. He wished desperately that he could have this conversation with his back turned. So he wouldn’t have to see Draco’s face.
He sounded like a coward even to himself, and it stung.
“Harry?”
Harry hauled himself up and, with a deep breath, turned to face Draco. There had been a small smile on his face that was effectively wiped away when he caught sight of Harry’s miserable expression.
“What happened?”
Harry walked up to Draco and reached an arm out, intending to plant it on Draco’s waist and pull him close. But at the last second he remembered, and let it fall back at his side. Draco’s concern grew visibly.
“Anthony,” he whispered, shaking his head. He couldn’t find words. He sensed Draco tense.
“What about him?”
Harry continued to stare at the floor for another few moments, fighting back tears, knowing that his eyes must be red from the effort.
“Harry, what -”
“We broke up,” he said succinctly. Draco’s gulp was audible. He finally lifted his head and met Draco’s eyes. “The other day, Ginny heard us. Saw me kiss you in the corridor.” He paused. Gathered himself. “She told Anthony.”
He could see the sympathy in Draco’s gaze, but there was a kind of excitement - possibly even relief - that accompanied it. Harry had to choke back a sob. Draco moved closer and wrapped his arms around Harry’s neck before Harry could move away. Of course, he could have managed if he’d tried, but a part of him didn’t want to. A part of him wanted to break down in Draco’s arms and stay there until everything stopped hurting.
But he couldn’t do that, because it wasn’t fair. He’d messed up so badly, being with Draco wasn’t a feasible option. He’d cheated on Anthony - a wonderful, incredible person - and alienated not only the entire school, but his best friends. He hadn’t spoken to Ron or Hermione in weeks. And now he couldn’t continue this thing with Draco, because it should never have happened in the first place. The guilt felt like it was eating him alive.
He felt Draco’s lips on the corner of his mouth and found the strength to push him away. Draco looked both startled and hurt.
Harry shook his head. “I can’t see you anymore, Draco,” he said quietly. He watched Draco process his words, and when tears built up in those gray eyes Harry thought he might vomit. “I’m sorry.”
And without giving himself a chance to change his mind or finally break down and cry, he swiftly fled the bathroom.
Chapter Twenty-Two | Page of Contents | Chapter Twenty-Four
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 1,619
Summary: The Malfoys have always been very clear as to what they hold in high regard, such as wealth and blood purity, but as Pansy and Blaise found out in July of last year, there are some things that Lucius and Narcissa drilled into Draco's head from the time he was a little boy that left deeper impressions than even a Dark Mark.
Warnings: Eating Disorder
Author's Note: Since I'm back on track, I'm updating with a shorter chapter. There are only a few chapters left, and they will be up in a timely fashion. I couldn't resist the cliffhanger at the end of this chapter, so you'll have to forgive me for both that and the length. I couldn't resist.
ADDITIONAL NOTE: The title of this fiction is an ambiguous word. No offense is meant by its use.
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by J.K. Rowling. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Manorexic
Chapter Twenty-Three
Anthony was already feeling stressed and tired and lethargic when he came upon Ginny standing by the entrance to Ravenclaw Tower. He’d been studying all day and had an exam in his last class. The last thing he wanted right now was to see a teary-eyed Ginny Weasley waiting for him with her arms crossed and mouth set.
He knew. Everything about her appearance said it clearly. And he felt his stomach clench and tears build up behind his eyes.
“Anthony,” Ginny said as he approached her. He nodded. “There’s - there’s something I have to tell you.”
* * *
Draco looked adorable when he was concentrating. In fact, it was a bit distracting, and Harry couldn’t manage to focus on his own work with Draco writing an essay beside him. The library was emptying out for the night and the two sat alone at a table. Pansy was off doing something on her own, claiming to have no interest in studying tonight.
“Can you stop doing that?”
Draco looked up from his essay and frowned.
“Stop doing what?”
“Looking so bloody cute,” Harry whispered, eyes still on his textbook. Peripherally he saw Draco blush. “It’s distracting me.”
“My sincerest apologies,” Draco drawled. He scrolled up his parchment and packed it away in his bag. Harry watched him stand up and felt his heart flutter when he caught sight of the soft smile on Draco’s face. “Maybe you’ll get some work done now that I’m leaving.”
“Where are you going?”
Draco scoffed. “To bed. I’m tired. And anyway, tomorrow’s Thursday and I have Arithmancy in the morning.”
Harry just caught himself before he reached out to pull Draco down into a kiss. Draco must have noticed because he smirked.
“Goodnight, Harry,” he said softly. Harry merely smiled, finding that he quite suddenly couldn’t make his jaw work. He watched Draco leave the library, his hips subtly swaying as he walked, no doubt to tease. An enormous smile was playing on Harry’s face when he turned back to his work.
He stayed for another hour, trying desperately to finish his Transfiguration homework. Life without Hermione was certainly difficult. The thought of her put a damper on his good spirits and he left the library with his shoulders slumped a bit. Merlin, he missed Ron and Hermione.
He was walking along the corridor that led to Gryffindor Tower when he spotted Anthony leaning against the wall. Habitually, he put on a smile and moved toward his boyfriend, reaching out to grab his hand, despite the fact that he no longer held much desire to do so.
Anthony pulled his hand away and Harry froze. As is generally the case when one is burdened with a guilty conscience, Harry’s mind immediately jumped to one conclusion: he knows.
“Let’s move to an empty classroom, shall we?” Anthony said, unnervingly calm. Harry swallowed. Nodded. Anthony led him through a door on the opposite side of the hallway, closing and locking the door behind them.
“Is . . . something wrong?” Harry asked lamely. Anthony’s cheeks flushed with nearly palpable anger.
“I’m not sure,” he answered rather cryptically. His arms folded over his chest and he leant back on a desk.
Harry hesitated a moment. “What do you mean . . . ?”
“How’s Malfoy?”
Harry’s stomach did a strange flip-flop and a lump suddenly appeared in his throat.
“He’s. . . . Er, he’s doing a lot better. Why do you ask?”
Anthony pursed his lips. He ignored Harry’s question entirely. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“Do you have feelings for Malfoy?”
“What?” Harry stammered, taken completely off guard by the blunt question. “No, of course not. Anthony, I’m with you.”
“So, hypothetically, if you ever did start having feelings for him, you’d be honest about it, right? You’d let me know, so we could figure something out?”
“O-of course.” Harry shoved his hands in his pockets. They were sweating profusely and beginning to shake.
“And if you ever, I don’t know, became physical with him, you’d tell me, wouldn't you? So that we could talk about it?”
“Anthony, I would never -”
“Wouldn’t you?”
Harry took a deep breath and looked at the ground, willing his body to stop giving him away. This was already a mess, but if he could talk Anthony out of his suspicions maybe he could still salvage the situation.
“You know I would, Anthony.”
Anthony positively fumed.
“So if I asked you right now whether you and Malfoy have ever had sex, you’d tell me no?”
“I told you before, Anthony, my relationship with Malfoy is purely -”
“Answer the question, Harry,” he said sharply. Harry swallowed thickly.
“No, I’ve never had sex with Malfoy. I would never do that to -”
“You’re a fucking liar!” he burst out, startling Harry and causing him to stumble back a step. “Don’t lie to me, Harry, I know you’ve been fooling around with him for weeks!”
And even though he knew Anthony was right, Harry felt indignant at being accused of anything. His infamous temper began to bubble and he stepped closer.
“I’ve never so much as touched him, Anthony!” he shouted. “How dare you accuse me of cheating!”
“FUCK YOU, HARRY!” The sound echoed around the room, bouncing off the walls, making Harry feel two feet tall in the face of his outraged boyfriend. “GINNY SAW YOU YESTERDAY! SHE SAW YOU AND MALFOY LEAVE THAT ALCOVE AND SHE SAW YOU KISS HIM! IF YOU WEREN’T FUCKING HIM BEHIND THOSE DRAPES THEN WHAT WERE YOU DOING, HARRY?!”
Harry couldn’t find his voice.
Yesterday. Behind the drapes. Ginny had been in the corridor. Ginny had heard them, and she’d seen them kiss.
And she’d told Anthony.
He felt angry tears welling up in his eyes and a desire to punch something. The sheer enormity of the whole situation pressed down on him and suddenly his whole body ached.
When he stayed silent for another few seconds Anthony sneered at him.
“You’re pathetic,” he seethed. “This is over. Have fun with Malfoy.”
And with that Anthony left the room, leaving the door wide open behind him. Harry heard his footsteps moving away from the room until they faded completely. And then he sagged against a wall and buried his face in his hands.
* * *
The Map told Harry that Draco was in his dorm. Remembering how Draco had contacted him that night that seemed so long ago, he scribbled something on a piece of parchment and found a lingering Slytherin student, asking if she’d be so kind as to deliver it to Draco. She agreed, though with obvious ambivalence. It caused Harry's skin to crawl knowing that it wasn't only the thought of delivering a message to Malfoy that she didn't like, but delivering it for him. He'd done a splendid job of digging a hole.
He waited in the prefects’ bathroom. He went to the stall, recalling the time he’d rubbed Draco’s back as he vomited. And there were the mirrors, where he’d watched Draco scrutinize his body. Where he’d first found him that night two months ago and become curious.
He dangled his legs over the empty pool. Remembered washing Draco’s back, kissing him for the first time, putting bubbles on his face.
His thoughts were broken by the sound of the door opening and shutting. He swallowed a lump in his throat. He wished desperately that he could have this conversation with his back turned. So he wouldn’t have to see Draco’s face.
He sounded like a coward even to himself, and it stung.
“Harry?”
Harry hauled himself up and, with a deep breath, turned to face Draco. There had been a small smile on his face that was effectively wiped away when he caught sight of Harry’s miserable expression.
“What happened?”
Harry walked up to Draco and reached an arm out, intending to plant it on Draco’s waist and pull him close. But at the last second he remembered, and let it fall back at his side. Draco’s concern grew visibly.
“Anthony,” he whispered, shaking his head. He couldn’t find words. He sensed Draco tense.
“What about him?”
Harry continued to stare at the floor for another few moments, fighting back tears, knowing that his eyes must be red from the effort.
“Harry, what -”
“We broke up,” he said succinctly. Draco’s gulp was audible. He finally lifted his head and met Draco’s eyes. “The other day, Ginny heard us. Saw me kiss you in the corridor.” He paused. Gathered himself. “She told Anthony.”
He could see the sympathy in Draco’s gaze, but there was a kind of excitement - possibly even relief - that accompanied it. Harry had to choke back a sob. Draco moved closer and wrapped his arms around Harry’s neck before Harry could move away. Of course, he could have managed if he’d tried, but a part of him didn’t want to. A part of him wanted to break down in Draco’s arms and stay there until everything stopped hurting.
But he couldn’t do that, because it wasn’t fair. He’d messed up so badly, being with Draco wasn’t a feasible option. He’d cheated on Anthony - a wonderful, incredible person - and alienated not only the entire school, but his best friends. He hadn’t spoken to Ron or Hermione in weeks. And now he couldn’t continue this thing with Draco, because it should never have happened in the first place. The guilt felt like it was eating him alive.
He felt Draco’s lips on the corner of his mouth and found the strength to push him away. Draco looked both startled and hurt.
Harry shook his head. “I can’t see you anymore, Draco,” he said quietly. He watched Draco process his words, and when tears built up in those gray eyes Harry thought he might vomit. “I’m sorry.”
And without giving himself a chance to change his mind or finally break down and cry, he swiftly fled the bathroom.
Chapter Twenty-Two | Page of Contents | Chapter Twenty-Four