Finding Hope - Chapter 2
Title: Finding Hope.
Summary: Jeff and Jensen take in a injured runaway with a secret.
Warnings: Mpreg, mentions abuse and rape.
Pairings: Jensen/Jeff/Jared. Jared/Jensen. Jensen/Jeff.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
A/N :- Sorry this took longer to post than I first thought. RL has been kicking my ass these past few weeks. Anyway, I hope you all still enjoy the new chapter.
Finding Hope.
Chapter Two
Misha smiled as he wrapped the blood pressure cuff securely around his patients arm. “Okay, Jared, this is going to get a little tight but try and keep your arm as still as possible for me.”
Jared nodded but remained silent. He’d barely said anything since arriving at the hospital, leaving Jeff and Jensen to explain the situation to Misha and Jensen’s doctor friend Chris. Fear and fighting against the instinct to just run was taking up all of his energy and he really didn’t think he could handle speaking right now.
“You’re doing great, kiddo,” Jeff soothed. He spoke in the same gentle reassuring tone that had calmed Jared when they’d first walked into the clinic and he’d panicked and tried to bolt. “Jensen’s just filling Chris in on what’s happened then they’ll be back to take care of you.”
“All done, buddy.” Misha gently removed the cuff and was just finishing taking Jared’s temperature when Chris came back into the exam room.
“How you doing, Jared?”
Jared tried to answer but his mouth felt too dry, and when he tried to speak the words just wouldn’t come out, so he just shrugged.
Chris turned his attention to Misha. “How are his vitals?”
“Blood pressure, heart rate and temperature are all on the high side,” Misha answered, handing the notes over to Chris.
Chris nodded reading over the file before returning it to Misha and moving closer to Jared. “Are you still in pain, Jared?”
Jared couldn’t help but press himself further back into the bed when Chris suddenly moved closer towards him. Despite Jensen and Jeff both assuring him that he could trust Chris, he still felt uneasy. The fact that Chris looked a little like one of Jared’s past clients didn’t help.
“Sorry, bud.” Chris held his hands in a non threatening gesture. “Didn’t mean to startle ya.”
“S’okay,” Jared replied, his voice barely above a whisper.
“Can you tell me how the pain is?”
Jared took a few deep breaths to help calm him enough to answer. “Still...there but not...not as bad as earlier,” he stammered.
“Is it alright if I examine your stomach?” Chris kept his tone as gentle as possible. Jensen had told him about how frightened Jared was about the pregnancy.
Jared visibly tensed but relaxed slightly when he felt Jeff squeeze his shoulder reassuringly. “It’s okay, sweetheart.” Jared nodded to Chris, and Jeff kept his hand on Jared’s shoulder, his thumb rubbing comforting circles into his skin while Chris lifted up Jared’s gown and began pressing down on his stomach.
“Jensen said that you’re almost seven months along?”
“Yeah, I think so.”
“Have you had any other bleeding episodes apart from today?”
“Just once after...” Jared’s voice trailed off and Jeff felt him flinch. “Um...only once near the beginning of the pregnancy.”
“How long did it last?”
“About a day.”
“Okay, Jensen’s gone to get an ultrasound machine so we can take a look at the baby but I’d like to do a quick internal exam as well.”
Jared watched Chris get ready to perform the exam and tried to push away the suffocating feeling that was beginning to surround him. When the examination started, Jared’s hand seemed to instinctively move to seek out Jeff’s, then his brain reminded him that he really didn’t know Jeff that well and Jeff might not like him doing that. Curling his hands into fists instead, he took some deep breaths but then his breathing hitched and his body started to tremble. He felt someone take a hold of his hand and heard voices talking to him, but all Jared could seem to focus on was the feel of Chris fingers and the fact he was trapped in a room with a group of men he barely knew. His mind was suddenly flooded with images of all the other times he’d been alone with strange men. He closed his eyes and tried to drive the images away, but it was no use and as the past bled in the present he started gasping for air.
Jeff saw Jared’s abandoned move to reach for his hand and he quickly took Jared’s hand into his own, squeezing it gently. He felt the kid start to shake and his brow furrowed in concern. “Jared? You okay, kiddo?”
Chris immediately stopped the exam when Jared started to get agitated but instead of calming down, he seemed to get more distressed. His breaths were short and shallow and his eyes were screwed tightly shut as he desperately panted for air.
“Jared!” Jeff cupped the kid’s cheek, his chest wrenching painfully when Jared whimpered and cringed away from the touch. “Shhh, it’s alright. You’re okay, relax buddy, shhh.”
“Misha, get him an oxygen mask,” Chris ordered when Jared showed no sign of calming down.
More whimpers and small hurt noises fell from Jared’s lips when the oxygen mask was placed over his face and it damn near broke Jeff’s heart. “Jared? Can you hear me, sweetheart?”
Jared felt something cover his nose and mouth and his hands immediately tried to bat whatever it was away in flourish of panic, but his attempts were quickly halted.
“No, baby, you need to leave that on.” Jeff gently trapped Jared’s hands in his own. “Come on, kiddo. It’s okay, you’re safe. Settle down for me, baby.” Jeff moved one of his hands back up to Jared’s cheek, stroking the soft skin underneath his eye. “Come on, open your eyes. It’s alright. Everything’s okay now.”
Jared continued to struggle for air, his chest heaving with the effort, but Jeff kept up with his soothing words and touches until Jared finally started to respond, his eyes blinking open and his breathing slowing.
“There you go, that’s it. Breathe. Nice and slow.” The cold haunted expression in Jared’s eyes sent shivers down Jeff’s spine. “You’re alright. Nothing’s gonna hurt you. You’re safe here. You’re safe.”
Jared held Jeff’s gaze, taking comfort in the feel of one of Jeff’s strong hands resting on his chest just over his rapidly beating heart. Jared once again tried to reach up and remove the oxygen mask.
Jeff shook his head. “Uh uh, leave it, buddy. It’s helping you with your breathing.”
Jared lowered his hands and looked over at Misha and Chris who were both watching him with concern and sympathy.
“Hey bud. You back with us?” Chris asked.
Jared nodded before turning his attention to the opening door, watching as Jensen pushed in the ultrasound machine. He immediately noticed the tension in the room. “What happened?”
“Jared just got a little upset but he’s doing good now,” Jeff explained and smiled at Jared. “Right, kiddo?”
Jared gave Jensen a small hesitant smile.
“Jared, is it okay if Misha and I check you over to make sure your vitals are still stable?” Chris asked, worried that Jared’s panic attack may have increased his already high blood pressure, which can be very dangerous in pregnancy.
Jared couldn’t help stiffening and a shiver passed through him. He didn’t want to offend Chris but he didn’t think he could handle being touched by him again just yet.
Chris noticed Jared’s reluctance. “Or Jensen could help Misha and I’ll set up the ultrasound machine? Would you prefer to do it that way, Jared?”
Jared nodded, lowering his head so his bangs covered his eyes. He felt embarrassed and was worried he’d upset Chris.
“It’s fine, Jared,” Chris assured, moving to take the ultrasound machine from Jensen. “I promise I’m not offended. Whatever makes you feels the most comfortable is fine by me.”
“Can you sit up for me a little, Jay?” Jensen asked, reaching for his stethoscope from around his neck.
Jeff and Misha helped Jared into a more upright position. “I’m going to take off your oxygen mask now and I want you to keep breathing slow and steady, okay?”
“Kay.”
Jensen smiled and carefully removed the oxygen mask before pulling Jared’s hospital gown down slightly so he could place the stethoscope on his chest.“Take as deep a breath as you can for me,” he instructed.
Jared did, wincing a little when he felt his ribs throb painfully.
“You’re doing good, Jay” Jensen repositioned the stethoscope on Jared’s chest a few times before getting him to lean forward so he could reach his back. “Deep breaths again.” Jensen listened carefully to Jared’s lung sounds, pleased that they sounded clear. With broken ribs there is always a worry of pneumonia developing.
Misha checked Jared’s blood pressure and thankfully it hadn’t risen any higher. “Good.” Jensen smiled. “Chris, you ready with the ultrasound?”
“Yeah, all set.”
Jensen gently helped Jared lie back down on the bed. “Chris is going to put some gel on your stomach so we can take a look at the baby, it’s gonna feel a little cold at first but I need you to try and stay as still as you can.”
Jared relaxed back on the bed, turning his attention to Chris. He flinched slightly when the gel was rubbed on his belly but quickly settled back down, Chris smiled as he started to move the doppler wand over his stomach. “You ready to see your baby, Jared?”
Everyone’s attention was firmly fixed on the ultrasound monitor, but Jared only allowed himself one quick look at the screen before he turned away. He knew that there was no way he was going to be able to keep the baby. He had no home, no money or anything a baby needs. Jared had known from the start that once he’d given birth to the baby, he was going to have to give it up, but he loved the little life growing inside more than anything, which is why he couldn’t face seeing it on the monitor. It would just hurt too much.
“I see it,” exclaimed Jeff, excitedly. “Wow, Jared that’s so amazing, it’s...” Jeff’s voice trailed off when he realised that Jared had turned away, his eyes screwed tightly shut.
“Jay?” Jensen asked, his concern clear. “Hey, what is it? What’s the matter.”
Jared shook his head, willing back the tears he could feel filling his eyes. “Nothing, m’fine.”
Jensen gently picked up one of Jared’s hands, his thumb rubbing soothingly back and forth across the skin. “Jay, why aren’t you looking at the screen? Don’t you want to see your baby?”
“M’okay.” Jared swallowed hard. “Just carry on doing what you need to do.”
Everyone in the room exchanged worried glances.
“Are you worried something’s wrong with the baby?” Chris asked softly. “Everything’s looking good. Baby is a little underweight but we can hopefully fix that by making sure you eat regularly and healthily. I promise, buddy, it’s okay to look. Your baby seems to be doing very well. The heartbeat is strong and everything looks normal.”
“See sweetheart, you can look.” Jeff brushed a finger carefully underneath the kid’s eyes, coaxing him to open them. “Come on, kiddo. Open your eyes. It’s okay.”
Jared made a small sound of distress as tears slipped out from underneath his closed lids. He hated being so weak and crying all the time, but he just couldn’t seem to make it stop. A huge part of him did want to look at the screen, to see his baby, but he was so scared that it was just going to end up causing more heartache.
“Oh baby, no, don’t cry.” Jeff gently wiped the teardrops away. “Shhh, sweetheart.”
“It’s alright, Jay,” Jensen soothed. “You don’t have to look if you don’t want to. It’s all okay.”
Jared finally opened his eyes, his wet, tear filled gaze meeting Jensen’s concerned one. “I want to. I’m just so...sc...scared.”
Jensen brushed Jared bangs back from his forehead. “Can you tell me why?”
“Because I...I love it.”
Jensen smiled. “That's a good thing isn’t it?”
Jared shook his head. “I love it but I know that...”
“You know what?” Jensen asked when Jared trailed off.
“That I can’t keep it,” Jared whispered, his heart breaking at saying it out loud. “I love it but I know I’m going to have to give it away.”
“Oh Jay,” Jensen breathed sadly .
“S’okay,” Jared said, his tone resigned and defeated. “I always knew I wouldn’t be able to keep it. I ran away because it wasn’t safe for the baby there. I know I can’t have a baby with me when I’m living on the streets and completely broke. I just have to make sue it’s born safely then I know I have to give it up.”
“Jay...”
“People are always looking for babies, right?” Jared’s tone turned slightly frantic. “It will find a good home with good people and have everything it needs.”
Jensen blinked back tears of his own, it tore at his heart hearing Jared so desperate. “Jay, I want you to listen to me, okay? If you want to keep this baby then I promise we’ll find a way to make sure that happens. There are lots of organizations who will be able to provide you help...”
Jared shook his head. “No! My family could trace me if I go anywhere official like that. I can’t risk them finding the baby. My father he’ll...he’ll kill it.”
“Then we go to the police and they can make sure you’re protected.”
Jared let out a humorless laugh. “You have no idea how powerful my father is, how well connected. The second I step foot in police station, he would know. He’s already found me twice. I don’t care what happens to me anymore but I won’t let him hurt my baby.”
“He won’t be hurting either of you,” Jeff stated, his tone a mix of protectiveness and anger. “You don’t have to give your baby up to protect it. We’ll find a way to keep you both safe, I swear.”
Jared desperately wanted to believe what Jeff was saying, but he knew that no matter how hard he tried, he would never escape his father. No matter how far he ran, his father would always find him. He just had to stay hidden long enough to have his baby and get it somewhere safe then he would give in to the inevitable and go home. That was the plan and he should just stick to it, but it was so tempting to just let himself buy into the comfort of Jeff’s lies. He just wanted to feel some hope again even if deep down he knew it was false.
“It’s gonna be okay, Jay,” Jensen promised, carding his hand softly through Jared’s hair.
The need to feel comfort instead of pain and the curiosity of hearing the swishing sound of his baby’s heartbeat filling the room, had Jared finally turning his head towards the screen. He was met by the most beautiful sight in the world. His baby. It took his breath away. Jeff was right, it was amazing. Actually it was more than amazing, it was perfect. That was his baby on the screen and Jared had never seen anything more wonderful. He felt himself smile wider than he ever had in his entire life and he even let out a small laugh when he watched his unborn baby start to suck on it’s thumb.
“Your baby is beautiful, Jay,” Jensen whispered.
Jared was unable to take his eyes away from the screen. “And it’s really okay? Healthy?”
Chris nodded. “Baby’s doing great just needs to gain a little more weight. Jared, would you like to know the sex?”
“I...um...I don’t know.” Jared looked up at Jensen and Jeff. “Do you think I should find out?”
Jensen smiled softly. “That’s up to you, buddy.”
“I...I think I want to know.”
“Okay, then I’m very pleased to tell you that you’re carrying a boy,” Chris announced with a grin.
“A boy?” Jared stared at the screen in awe. “I’m going to have a son.”
Jeff leant down and gently kissed the top of Jared’s head. “Congratulations, sweetheart.”
“I’m gonna have a son,” Jared breathed, and for a moment nothing else mattered. Not his father, his family, nothing. All there was the wonderful warm feeling of finding out he was carrying a baby boy.
“Yes, you are.” Jeff grinned. “And you’re gonna be an amazing daddy.”
That snapped Jared back in a reality and the smile quickly dropped from his face. He wasn’t going to get to be a daddy because he was going to have to give his precious baby boy up. He was going to have to give his son away and someone else would be his daddy.
“Jared, don’t think like that.” Jeff knew exactly where Jared’s mind had taken him, and Jeff wanted nothing more than to see Jared happy and beaming again like he had been just moments ago. “You do not have to give your baby away. You’re gonna stay with me and Jensen, and we’ll find a way to deal with your family and anything else you’re worried about. You and your son are gonna be safe and together.”
“Jeff’s right. You’ll be safe with us,” Jensen promised. “Both of you.”
Jared nodded but deep down he knew that Jensen and Jeff were not going to be able to keep their promises. People like Jared never got happy endings.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Can we go yet?”
“Won’t be long, kiddo.” Jeff gave Jared’s shoulder a reassuring squeeze. The poor kid was growing more anxious by the second. They were waiting for Chris to come back with prenatal vitamins and nutritional shakes that he wanted Jared to start taking. Chris initially had wanted to Jared to remain in hospital for at least a few days so he could be monitored more closely as he had some concerns about Jared’s high blood pressure, but Jared had outright refused to stay despite Jeff and Jensen trying to convince him differently. The kid was adamant that he wouldn’t stay so everyone reluctantly had to accept his decision.
Chris had explained that the bleeding Jared was experiencing was from some bad tearing inside his back passage. Jeff had stiffened in anger knowing that someone must have treated Jared really rough during sex to cause damage like that. Jared had blushed furiously when Chris had told him that he was prescribing a cream which would need to be applied twice a day to help with the healing.
Thankfully the baby seemed to be doing well, but Chris wanted to keep an eye on Jared’s blood pressure and weight. He wanted Jared to take it easy at home and not over exert himself, and as a precaution he recommended not having sex until after the baby is born. After Chris had finished explaining things to Jared, he’d left with Jensen to get what Jared would need at home, and Jeff had been left with a jittery Jared, who as the clinic was now open and starting to fill with staff and other patients was extremely desperate to leave.
The sound of the patient in the next room shouting made Jared jump. “I really wanna get out of here, Jeff.”
“I know, sweetheart.” Jeff ran a calming hand up and down Jared’s back. “Just a little longer and I’ll get you home.”
Jared kinda wished that Jensen would be coming back with them to, but the clinic was getting busy so he needed to stay to help. Jared didn’t know why but for some reason he seemed to feel safer when they were both around. “Um..how long is Jensen’s shift?”
Jeff smiled. “He’ll be home soon. He only has to work the morning.”
Jared nodded and then breathed a sigh of relief when Chris and Jensen finally came back with his prescriptions. Chris also gave Jared some leaflets and pamphlets on male pregnancy and giving birth to read through.
“Your diet plan is also in there and it’s very important you follow it, alright?” Chris said as he handed over Jared’s bag of prescriptions. “And I’m going to want to see you in again in a few days to check on your blood pressure.”
“We’ll make sure everything is followed,” Jeff assured.
“If there are any problems before I next see you then just call me and I’ll come right over, okay Jared?”
Jared nodded. “Thanks for everything.”
Chris smiled. “You’re very welcome and I’ll see you soon.”
“Alight then kiddo, let’s get you home.” Jeff gathered up Jared’s belongings while Jensen helped Jared down from the bed.
“I’ll be home as soon as I can but promise you’ll let Jeff bring you back in if anything happens,” Jensen said and Jared could see the concern in his eyes.
Jared nodded and gave Jensen a shy smile. “I promise.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“You sure you’re okay?” Jeff asked, placing Jared’s drink down on the table and sitting down next to him on the couch . “You’re still looking kinda pale.”
Jared gave him a small smile. “I’m just tired.”
“You know back at the hospital I never really asked if you were okay with staying here with Jensen and me.” Jeff rubbed a hand over the stubble on his face. “I want you to know that you don’t have to stay here. I can’t just let you go back out on the streets, especially now I know about the baby, but we could find you somewhere else that’s safe for you to stay if you’re not comfortable with living here.”
“I want to stay here,” Jared said quickly. Jeff and Jensen were the only people who had shown him kindness in pretty much his whole life. He was beginning to feel safe and protected when they were around and he didn’t want to give that up until he was forced to. “Do...do you still want me stay here?”
“Of course.” Jeff smiled. “I’m very happy you’re staying, but we need to have a talk and set a few ground rules.”
Jared tensed. His mind immediately wondering if this was it, if it was finally time for the other shoe to drop. His father was always setting rules for him and sometimes they were pretty much impossible to follow or get right, and Jared often wondered if his father was purposefully setting him up to fail just so he could punish him. Damn! Jared knew all this had been too good to be true. Of course Jeff and Jensen were going to want something in exchange for him staying here, and it wasn’t hard to figure out what that something probably was. People only ever wanted Jared for one thing. Jeff and Jensen had treated him well so far and Jared could only hope that maybe they wouldn’t be too rough during sex. Jared certainly wasn’t in a position to refuse Jeff anything. He owed the man whatever he wanted, but Chris had said that Jared shouldn’t have sex until after the baby was born, that it wasn’t safe for the baby. It was only his worry for his son that gave Jared the courage to speak up.
“Chris...um...Chris said that I...I shouldn’t have...have sex until after the baby’s born...” Jared shifted uneasily from one foot to the other, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. “I’m not refusing...I’m not...I can still do stuff...anything you want...but please, for the baby’s sake can we not have full sex?”
Jeff looked horrified. “Jared...”
“I can still make it good for you,” Jared said hurriedly. “I swear, it’ll be really good. I can also do things around the house. I know how to do all the household chores...”
“Jared...just stop, alright?” Jeff slowly reached out and gently took Jared’s hand. “Just take a deep breath and relax. I ain’t gonna force myself on you. I ain’t gonna hurt you or the baby. I ain’t gonna do any of the things your mind seems to constantly torturing you with.”
Jared remained silent, his gaze locked firmly on the floor.
“Jared, look at me.” Jeff waited patiently until the kid met his eyes. “I know it’s going to take a while before you trust us but I want you try really hard to remember that you’re safe here. That neither Jensen nor I will ever do anything to hurt you or your baby. You’re not here for any reason other than we want to help you. We don’t expect you to do anything in return for that help or for staying here. Yes, there are a couple of rules we want you to follow but they are for your safety and in no way involve anything sexual between you and me or you and Jensen, okay?”
Jared gave a cautious nod. “What are the rules?”
“You're not a prisoner here and you are of course free to come and go as you want, but because of what you’ve said about your family searching for you, Jensen and I would feel better if for now you didn’t go out alone.”
“That’s fine.”
“The only other thing we want you to do is take it easy and follow Chris’s instructions, which includes making sure you stick to the diet plan he gave you and eating regularly. Lucky for you both Jensen and I love to cook so you definitely won’t go hungry, but feel free to raid the fridge and cupboards anytime you want a snack. Chris said it’s important for you to rest and keep your blood pressure down, so I don’t want you doing any housework for now, okay kiddo?”
“I can’t do anything to help? You’re letting me stay here for free and feeding me, I have to do something to help.”
“It’s fine,” Jeff assured. “The most important thing right now is that you and the baby stay as healthy as possible.
Jared nodded, placing a protective hand over his middle and Jeff smiled. Now that Jeff knew the bump was there, he noticed it all the time. Pregnancy seemed to suit Jared, and Jeff couldn’t wait to see what the kid would look like when they had gotten him to a healthy weight.
Jared realised Jeff was looking at his stomach and he automatically tried to cover the bump up more. He loved his baby but a huge part of him still felt uncomfortable about being pregnant. His family had repeatedly called him a freak, told him it was unnatural and against god, and he knew that there were lots of other people who felt the same way in regards to male pregnancies and it left Jared feeling wary and nervous.
Jeff quickly picked up on Jared’s unease. “Relax, sweetheart.” Jeff smiled, reaching out to gently remove Jared’s hands from covering up his stomach. “ “You don’t have to hide, okay? You’re safe here. I know there are still some small minded people out there who think male pregnancies are wrong or whatever, but I can promise you that that is definitely not the case with me or Jensen. I won’t ever judge you or look down on you because you’re pregnant.”
Jared gave Jeff a small sad smile that just about broke Jeff’s heart. “You say that now but I'm sure there are lots of things that could change your mind. What about if my stomach got really big? Or when my chest changes to prepare for feeding the baby?”
“Trust me when I say none of that will bother me or change my mind,” Jeff promised.
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because I’m a carrier too.”
Jared’s eyes went wide in surprise. “You have a kid?” He hadn’t seen any evidence that would suggest a child was living in the house.
Jeff shook his head and a look of sadness and pain momentarily flickered across his face. “No.”
“Then how do you know you’re a carrier?”
“I was pregnant but I lost the baby.” Jeff sighed sadly, trying not to let the emotions from that time overtake him. This was about Jared not him. “I don’t know what it’s like to be your situation but I do know what it’s like to be pregnant and scared, so please believe me when I say that I won’t judge you or be disgusted by anything that happens with your pregnancy.”
Jared was stunned. He had no idea what to say. He heard the sadness in Jeff’s voice and a part of him wanted nothing more than to hug Jeff until it went away, but he wasn’t sure if that was right thing to do. The thought about what Jeff must of gone through when he lost his baby sent shivers through Jared. “I’m...I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay. It was a while ago now.”
“How far along were you when...”
Jeff swallowed hard. “Eight months.”
“God...Jeff that’s...I’m so sorry.” Jared ran a hand softly over his bump. “Do you...do you know what happened?”
“I promise I’ll tell you the whole story soon but right now we need to talk about you.”
Jared toyed with the edge of his T-shirt anxiously. “What about me?”
“I know it’s going to be hard for you to talk about, but if we want to have the best chance at keeping you safe then Jensen and I are gonna need to know exactly what we're up against, which means that it’s really important you tell us everything about your family and why you’re running, and about anything else that could effect your safety.”
Jared hunched his shoulders, making himself look even more scared and vulnerable. The thought of telling Jeff everything about his past and Jeff finding out just how useless and weak he is terrified Jared. What if Jeff decided he didn’t want someone like Jared in his house anymore? Jeff would probably be furious about wasting so much time on him, and Jared dreaded to think about how he would take that anger out.
“Jared, stop.” Jeff could tell that Jared’s mind had not gone to a good place, and the protective body language and fearful expression was the same look Jared always got when he was afraid Jeff or Jensen were about to turn on him. “You don’t need to be worried about how I’m going to react. There is nothing that you could tell me that will make me hurt you.”
Jared stood up from the couch and began pacing anxiously. “You...you say that now but...”
“It ain’t gonna happen, kiddo,” Jeff said firmly.
“I just...” Jared’s hand suddenly covered his stomach, his brow furrowing in what looked like pain.
“Jared?” Jeff quickly stood up, ready to reach out and steady Jared if needed. “You okay?”
“Yeah, I think so.” Jared smiled. “Baby’s just kicking really hard.”
Jeff gestured towards Jared’s bump. “Can I?”
Jared looked slightly unsure for moment but it seemed to pass quickly and he nodded, moving his own hand away so Jeff could replace it with his.
“Wow,” Jeff exclaimed when he felt the baby give a couple of big kicks against his hand. “That feels so amazing.”
“I think he likes you,” Jared said as the baby continued to move around.
Jeff chuckled. “Does he kick a lot?”
Jared nodded. “I think he likes to remind me he’s there.”
Jeff looked Jared in the eyes and stroked gently over his bump. “Then let’s do all we can to keep him safe, okay?”
Jared looked away momentarily but after taking a few deep breaths he looked back at Jeff and nodded. “Okay, I’ll tell you everything you want to know but can we wait for Jensen to get home first, I…I don’t think I could do this twice.”
“That’s fine, sweetheart.” Jeff leant forward and placed a soft kiss on Jared’s forehead. “And just remember that nothing you say is going to change how we feel about you.”
TBC...
Thanks for reading.
Summary: Jeff and Jensen take in a injured runaway with a secret.
Warnings: Mpreg, mentions abuse and rape.
Pairings: Jensen/Jeff/Jared. Jared/Jensen. Jensen/Jeff.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
A/N :- Sorry this took longer to post than I first thought. RL has been kicking my ass these past few weeks. Anyway, I hope you all still enjoy the new chapter.
Finding Hope.
Chapter Two
Misha smiled as he wrapped the blood pressure cuff securely around his patients arm. “Okay, Jared, this is going to get a little tight but try and keep your arm as still as possible for me.”
Jared nodded but remained silent. He’d barely said anything since arriving at the hospital, leaving Jeff and Jensen to explain the situation to Misha and Jensen’s doctor friend Chris. Fear and fighting against the instinct to just run was taking up all of his energy and he really didn’t think he could handle speaking right now.
“You’re doing great, kiddo,” Jeff soothed. He spoke in the same gentle reassuring tone that had calmed Jared when they’d first walked into the clinic and he’d panicked and tried to bolt. “Jensen’s just filling Chris in on what’s happened then they’ll be back to take care of you.”
“All done, buddy.” Misha gently removed the cuff and was just finishing taking Jared’s temperature when Chris came back into the exam room.
“How you doing, Jared?”
Jared tried to answer but his mouth felt too dry, and when he tried to speak the words just wouldn’t come out, so he just shrugged.
Chris turned his attention to Misha. “How are his vitals?”
“Blood pressure, heart rate and temperature are all on the high side,” Misha answered, handing the notes over to Chris.
Chris nodded reading over the file before returning it to Misha and moving closer to Jared. “Are you still in pain, Jared?”
Jared couldn’t help but press himself further back into the bed when Chris suddenly moved closer towards him. Despite Jensen and Jeff both assuring him that he could trust Chris, he still felt uneasy. The fact that Chris looked a little like one of Jared’s past clients didn’t help.
“Sorry, bud.” Chris held his hands in a non threatening gesture. “Didn’t mean to startle ya.”
“S’okay,” Jared replied, his voice barely above a whisper.
“Can you tell me how the pain is?”
Jared took a few deep breaths to help calm him enough to answer. “Still...there but not...not as bad as earlier,” he stammered.
“Is it alright if I examine your stomach?” Chris kept his tone as gentle as possible. Jensen had told him about how frightened Jared was about the pregnancy.
Jared visibly tensed but relaxed slightly when he felt Jeff squeeze his shoulder reassuringly. “It’s okay, sweetheart.” Jared nodded to Chris, and Jeff kept his hand on Jared’s shoulder, his thumb rubbing comforting circles into his skin while Chris lifted up Jared’s gown and began pressing down on his stomach.
“Jensen said that you’re almost seven months along?”
“Yeah, I think so.”
“Have you had any other bleeding episodes apart from today?”
“Just once after...” Jared’s voice trailed off and Jeff felt him flinch. “Um...only once near the beginning of the pregnancy.”
“How long did it last?”
“About a day.”
“Okay, Jensen’s gone to get an ultrasound machine so we can take a look at the baby but I’d like to do a quick internal exam as well.”
Jared watched Chris get ready to perform the exam and tried to push away the suffocating feeling that was beginning to surround him. When the examination started, Jared’s hand seemed to instinctively move to seek out Jeff’s, then his brain reminded him that he really didn’t know Jeff that well and Jeff might not like him doing that. Curling his hands into fists instead, he took some deep breaths but then his breathing hitched and his body started to tremble. He felt someone take a hold of his hand and heard voices talking to him, but all Jared could seem to focus on was the feel of Chris fingers and the fact he was trapped in a room with a group of men he barely knew. His mind was suddenly flooded with images of all the other times he’d been alone with strange men. He closed his eyes and tried to drive the images away, but it was no use and as the past bled in the present he started gasping for air.
Jeff saw Jared’s abandoned move to reach for his hand and he quickly took Jared’s hand into his own, squeezing it gently. He felt the kid start to shake and his brow furrowed in concern. “Jared? You okay, kiddo?”
Chris immediately stopped the exam when Jared started to get agitated but instead of calming down, he seemed to get more distressed. His breaths were short and shallow and his eyes were screwed tightly shut as he desperately panted for air.
“Jared!” Jeff cupped the kid’s cheek, his chest wrenching painfully when Jared whimpered and cringed away from the touch. “Shhh, it’s alright. You’re okay, relax buddy, shhh.”
“Misha, get him an oxygen mask,” Chris ordered when Jared showed no sign of calming down.
More whimpers and small hurt noises fell from Jared’s lips when the oxygen mask was placed over his face and it damn near broke Jeff’s heart. “Jared? Can you hear me, sweetheart?”
Jared felt something cover his nose and mouth and his hands immediately tried to bat whatever it was away in flourish of panic, but his attempts were quickly halted.
“No, baby, you need to leave that on.” Jeff gently trapped Jared’s hands in his own. “Come on, kiddo. It’s okay, you’re safe. Settle down for me, baby.” Jeff moved one of his hands back up to Jared’s cheek, stroking the soft skin underneath his eye. “Come on, open your eyes. It’s alright. Everything’s okay now.”
Jared continued to struggle for air, his chest heaving with the effort, but Jeff kept up with his soothing words and touches until Jared finally started to respond, his eyes blinking open and his breathing slowing.
“There you go, that’s it. Breathe. Nice and slow.” The cold haunted expression in Jared’s eyes sent shivers down Jeff’s spine. “You’re alright. Nothing’s gonna hurt you. You’re safe here. You’re safe.”
Jared held Jeff’s gaze, taking comfort in the feel of one of Jeff’s strong hands resting on his chest just over his rapidly beating heart. Jared once again tried to reach up and remove the oxygen mask.
Jeff shook his head. “Uh uh, leave it, buddy. It’s helping you with your breathing.”
Jared lowered his hands and looked over at Misha and Chris who were both watching him with concern and sympathy.
“Hey bud. You back with us?” Chris asked.
Jared nodded before turning his attention to the opening door, watching as Jensen pushed in the ultrasound machine. He immediately noticed the tension in the room. “What happened?”
“Jared just got a little upset but he’s doing good now,” Jeff explained and smiled at Jared. “Right, kiddo?”
Jared gave Jensen a small hesitant smile.
“Jared, is it okay if Misha and I check you over to make sure your vitals are still stable?” Chris asked, worried that Jared’s panic attack may have increased his already high blood pressure, which can be very dangerous in pregnancy.
Jared couldn’t help stiffening and a shiver passed through him. He didn’t want to offend Chris but he didn’t think he could handle being touched by him again just yet.
Chris noticed Jared’s reluctance. “Or Jensen could help Misha and I’ll set up the ultrasound machine? Would you prefer to do it that way, Jared?”
Jared nodded, lowering his head so his bangs covered his eyes. He felt embarrassed and was worried he’d upset Chris.
“It’s fine, Jared,” Chris assured, moving to take the ultrasound machine from Jensen. “I promise I’m not offended. Whatever makes you feels the most comfortable is fine by me.”
“Can you sit up for me a little, Jay?” Jensen asked, reaching for his stethoscope from around his neck.
Jeff and Misha helped Jared into a more upright position. “I’m going to take off your oxygen mask now and I want you to keep breathing slow and steady, okay?”
“Kay.”
Jensen smiled and carefully removed the oxygen mask before pulling Jared’s hospital gown down slightly so he could place the stethoscope on his chest.“Take as deep a breath as you can for me,” he instructed.
Jared did, wincing a little when he felt his ribs throb painfully.
“You’re doing good, Jay” Jensen repositioned the stethoscope on Jared’s chest a few times before getting him to lean forward so he could reach his back. “Deep breaths again.” Jensen listened carefully to Jared’s lung sounds, pleased that they sounded clear. With broken ribs there is always a worry of pneumonia developing.
Misha checked Jared’s blood pressure and thankfully it hadn’t risen any higher. “Good.” Jensen smiled. “Chris, you ready with the ultrasound?”
“Yeah, all set.”
Jensen gently helped Jared lie back down on the bed. “Chris is going to put some gel on your stomach so we can take a look at the baby, it’s gonna feel a little cold at first but I need you to try and stay as still as you can.”
Jared relaxed back on the bed, turning his attention to Chris. He flinched slightly when the gel was rubbed on his belly but quickly settled back down, Chris smiled as he started to move the doppler wand over his stomach. “You ready to see your baby, Jared?”
Everyone’s attention was firmly fixed on the ultrasound monitor, but Jared only allowed himself one quick look at the screen before he turned away. He knew that there was no way he was going to be able to keep the baby. He had no home, no money or anything a baby needs. Jared had known from the start that once he’d given birth to the baby, he was going to have to give it up, but he loved the little life growing inside more than anything, which is why he couldn’t face seeing it on the monitor. It would just hurt too much.
“I see it,” exclaimed Jeff, excitedly. “Wow, Jared that’s so amazing, it’s...” Jeff’s voice trailed off when he realised that Jared had turned away, his eyes screwed tightly shut.
“Jay?” Jensen asked, his concern clear. “Hey, what is it? What’s the matter.”
Jared shook his head, willing back the tears he could feel filling his eyes. “Nothing, m’fine.”
Jensen gently picked up one of Jared’s hands, his thumb rubbing soothingly back and forth across the skin. “Jay, why aren’t you looking at the screen? Don’t you want to see your baby?”
“M’okay.” Jared swallowed hard. “Just carry on doing what you need to do.”
Everyone in the room exchanged worried glances.
“Are you worried something’s wrong with the baby?” Chris asked softly. “Everything’s looking good. Baby is a little underweight but we can hopefully fix that by making sure you eat regularly and healthily. I promise, buddy, it’s okay to look. Your baby seems to be doing very well. The heartbeat is strong and everything looks normal.”
“See sweetheart, you can look.” Jeff brushed a finger carefully underneath the kid’s eyes, coaxing him to open them. “Come on, kiddo. Open your eyes. It’s okay.”
Jared made a small sound of distress as tears slipped out from underneath his closed lids. He hated being so weak and crying all the time, but he just couldn’t seem to make it stop. A huge part of him did want to look at the screen, to see his baby, but he was so scared that it was just going to end up causing more heartache.
“Oh baby, no, don’t cry.” Jeff gently wiped the teardrops away. “Shhh, sweetheart.”
“It’s alright, Jay,” Jensen soothed. “You don’t have to look if you don’t want to. It’s all okay.”
Jared finally opened his eyes, his wet, tear filled gaze meeting Jensen’s concerned one. “I want to. I’m just so...sc...scared.”
Jensen brushed Jared bangs back from his forehead. “Can you tell me why?”
“Because I...I love it.”
Jensen smiled. “That's a good thing isn’t it?”
Jared shook his head. “I love it but I know that...”
“You know what?” Jensen asked when Jared trailed off.
“That I can’t keep it,” Jared whispered, his heart breaking at saying it out loud. “I love it but I know I’m going to have to give it away.”
“Oh Jay,” Jensen breathed sadly .
“S’okay,” Jared said, his tone resigned and defeated. “I always knew I wouldn’t be able to keep it. I ran away because it wasn’t safe for the baby there. I know I can’t have a baby with me when I’m living on the streets and completely broke. I just have to make sue it’s born safely then I know I have to give it up.”
“Jay...”
“People are always looking for babies, right?” Jared’s tone turned slightly frantic. “It will find a good home with good people and have everything it needs.”
Jensen blinked back tears of his own, it tore at his heart hearing Jared so desperate. “Jay, I want you to listen to me, okay? If you want to keep this baby then I promise we’ll find a way to make sure that happens. There are lots of organizations who will be able to provide you help...”
Jared shook his head. “No! My family could trace me if I go anywhere official like that. I can’t risk them finding the baby. My father he’ll...he’ll kill it.”
“Then we go to the police and they can make sure you’re protected.”
Jared let out a humorless laugh. “You have no idea how powerful my father is, how well connected. The second I step foot in police station, he would know. He’s already found me twice. I don’t care what happens to me anymore but I won’t let him hurt my baby.”
“He won’t be hurting either of you,” Jeff stated, his tone a mix of protectiveness and anger. “You don’t have to give your baby up to protect it. We’ll find a way to keep you both safe, I swear.”
Jared desperately wanted to believe what Jeff was saying, but he knew that no matter how hard he tried, he would never escape his father. No matter how far he ran, his father would always find him. He just had to stay hidden long enough to have his baby and get it somewhere safe then he would give in to the inevitable and go home. That was the plan and he should just stick to it, but it was so tempting to just let himself buy into the comfort of Jeff’s lies. He just wanted to feel some hope again even if deep down he knew it was false.
“It’s gonna be okay, Jay,” Jensen promised, carding his hand softly through Jared’s hair.
The need to feel comfort instead of pain and the curiosity of hearing the swishing sound of his baby’s heartbeat filling the room, had Jared finally turning his head towards the screen. He was met by the most beautiful sight in the world. His baby. It took his breath away. Jeff was right, it was amazing. Actually it was more than amazing, it was perfect. That was his baby on the screen and Jared had never seen anything more wonderful. He felt himself smile wider than he ever had in his entire life and he even let out a small laugh when he watched his unborn baby start to suck on it’s thumb.
“Your baby is beautiful, Jay,” Jensen whispered.
Jared was unable to take his eyes away from the screen. “And it’s really okay? Healthy?”
Chris nodded. “Baby’s doing great just needs to gain a little more weight. Jared, would you like to know the sex?”
“I...um...I don’t know.” Jared looked up at Jensen and Jeff. “Do you think I should find out?”
Jensen smiled softly. “That’s up to you, buddy.”
“I...I think I want to know.”
“Okay, then I’m very pleased to tell you that you’re carrying a boy,” Chris announced with a grin.
“A boy?” Jared stared at the screen in awe. “I’m going to have a son.”
Jeff leant down and gently kissed the top of Jared’s head. “Congratulations, sweetheart.”
“I’m gonna have a son,” Jared breathed, and for a moment nothing else mattered. Not his father, his family, nothing. All there was the wonderful warm feeling of finding out he was carrying a baby boy.
“Yes, you are.” Jeff grinned. “And you’re gonna be an amazing daddy.”
That snapped Jared back in a reality and the smile quickly dropped from his face. He wasn’t going to get to be a daddy because he was going to have to give his precious baby boy up. He was going to have to give his son away and someone else would be his daddy.
“Jared, don’t think like that.” Jeff knew exactly where Jared’s mind had taken him, and Jeff wanted nothing more than to see Jared happy and beaming again like he had been just moments ago. “You do not have to give your baby away. You’re gonna stay with me and Jensen, and we’ll find a way to deal with your family and anything else you’re worried about. You and your son are gonna be safe and together.”
“Jeff’s right. You’ll be safe with us,” Jensen promised. “Both of you.”
Jared nodded but deep down he knew that Jensen and Jeff were not going to be able to keep their promises. People like Jared never got happy endings.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Can we go yet?”
“Won’t be long, kiddo.” Jeff gave Jared’s shoulder a reassuring squeeze. The poor kid was growing more anxious by the second. They were waiting for Chris to come back with prenatal vitamins and nutritional shakes that he wanted Jared to start taking. Chris initially had wanted to Jared to remain in hospital for at least a few days so he could be monitored more closely as he had some concerns about Jared’s high blood pressure, but Jared had outright refused to stay despite Jeff and Jensen trying to convince him differently. The kid was adamant that he wouldn’t stay so everyone reluctantly had to accept his decision.
Chris had explained that the bleeding Jared was experiencing was from some bad tearing inside his back passage. Jeff had stiffened in anger knowing that someone must have treated Jared really rough during sex to cause damage like that. Jared had blushed furiously when Chris had told him that he was prescribing a cream which would need to be applied twice a day to help with the healing.
Thankfully the baby seemed to be doing well, but Chris wanted to keep an eye on Jared’s blood pressure and weight. He wanted Jared to take it easy at home and not over exert himself, and as a precaution he recommended not having sex until after the baby is born. After Chris had finished explaining things to Jared, he’d left with Jensen to get what Jared would need at home, and Jeff had been left with a jittery Jared, who as the clinic was now open and starting to fill with staff and other patients was extremely desperate to leave.
The sound of the patient in the next room shouting made Jared jump. “I really wanna get out of here, Jeff.”
“I know, sweetheart.” Jeff ran a calming hand up and down Jared’s back. “Just a little longer and I’ll get you home.”
Jared kinda wished that Jensen would be coming back with them to, but the clinic was getting busy so he needed to stay to help. Jared didn’t know why but for some reason he seemed to feel safer when they were both around. “Um..how long is Jensen’s shift?”
Jeff smiled. “He’ll be home soon. He only has to work the morning.”
Jared nodded and then breathed a sigh of relief when Chris and Jensen finally came back with his prescriptions. Chris also gave Jared some leaflets and pamphlets on male pregnancy and giving birth to read through.
“Your diet plan is also in there and it’s very important you follow it, alright?” Chris said as he handed over Jared’s bag of prescriptions. “And I’m going to want to see you in again in a few days to check on your blood pressure.”
“We’ll make sure everything is followed,” Jeff assured.
“If there are any problems before I next see you then just call me and I’ll come right over, okay Jared?”
Jared nodded. “Thanks for everything.”
Chris smiled. “You’re very welcome and I’ll see you soon.”
“Alight then kiddo, let’s get you home.” Jeff gathered up Jared’s belongings while Jensen helped Jared down from the bed.
“I’ll be home as soon as I can but promise you’ll let Jeff bring you back in if anything happens,” Jensen said and Jared could see the concern in his eyes.
Jared nodded and gave Jensen a shy smile. “I promise.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“You sure you’re okay?” Jeff asked, placing Jared’s drink down on the table and sitting down next to him on the couch . “You’re still looking kinda pale.”
Jared gave him a small smile. “I’m just tired.”
“You know back at the hospital I never really asked if you were okay with staying here with Jensen and me.” Jeff rubbed a hand over the stubble on his face. “I want you to know that you don’t have to stay here. I can’t just let you go back out on the streets, especially now I know about the baby, but we could find you somewhere else that’s safe for you to stay if you’re not comfortable with living here.”
“I want to stay here,” Jared said quickly. Jeff and Jensen were the only people who had shown him kindness in pretty much his whole life. He was beginning to feel safe and protected when they were around and he didn’t want to give that up until he was forced to. “Do...do you still want me stay here?”
“Of course.” Jeff smiled. “I’m very happy you’re staying, but we need to have a talk and set a few ground rules.”
Jared tensed. His mind immediately wondering if this was it, if it was finally time for the other shoe to drop. His father was always setting rules for him and sometimes they were pretty much impossible to follow or get right, and Jared often wondered if his father was purposefully setting him up to fail just so he could punish him. Damn! Jared knew all this had been too good to be true. Of course Jeff and Jensen were going to want something in exchange for him staying here, and it wasn’t hard to figure out what that something probably was. People only ever wanted Jared for one thing. Jeff and Jensen had treated him well so far and Jared could only hope that maybe they wouldn’t be too rough during sex. Jared certainly wasn’t in a position to refuse Jeff anything. He owed the man whatever he wanted, but Chris had said that Jared shouldn’t have sex until after the baby was born, that it wasn’t safe for the baby. It was only his worry for his son that gave Jared the courage to speak up.
“Chris...um...Chris said that I...I shouldn’t have...have sex until after the baby’s born...” Jared shifted uneasily from one foot to the other, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. “I’m not refusing...I’m not...I can still do stuff...anything you want...but please, for the baby’s sake can we not have full sex?”
Jeff looked horrified. “Jared...”
“I can still make it good for you,” Jared said hurriedly. “I swear, it’ll be really good. I can also do things around the house. I know how to do all the household chores...”
“Jared...just stop, alright?” Jeff slowly reached out and gently took Jared’s hand. “Just take a deep breath and relax. I ain’t gonna force myself on you. I ain’t gonna hurt you or the baby. I ain’t gonna do any of the things your mind seems to constantly torturing you with.”
Jared remained silent, his gaze locked firmly on the floor.
“Jared, look at me.” Jeff waited patiently until the kid met his eyes. “I know it’s going to take a while before you trust us but I want you try really hard to remember that you’re safe here. That neither Jensen nor I will ever do anything to hurt you or your baby. You’re not here for any reason other than we want to help you. We don’t expect you to do anything in return for that help or for staying here. Yes, there are a couple of rules we want you to follow but they are for your safety and in no way involve anything sexual between you and me or you and Jensen, okay?”
Jared gave a cautious nod. “What are the rules?”
“You're not a prisoner here and you are of course free to come and go as you want, but because of what you’ve said about your family searching for you, Jensen and I would feel better if for now you didn’t go out alone.”
“That’s fine.”
“The only other thing we want you to do is take it easy and follow Chris’s instructions, which includes making sure you stick to the diet plan he gave you and eating regularly. Lucky for you both Jensen and I love to cook so you definitely won’t go hungry, but feel free to raid the fridge and cupboards anytime you want a snack. Chris said it’s important for you to rest and keep your blood pressure down, so I don’t want you doing any housework for now, okay kiddo?”
“I can’t do anything to help? You’re letting me stay here for free and feeding me, I have to do something to help.”
“It’s fine,” Jeff assured. “The most important thing right now is that you and the baby stay as healthy as possible.
Jared nodded, placing a protective hand over his middle and Jeff smiled. Now that Jeff knew the bump was there, he noticed it all the time. Pregnancy seemed to suit Jared, and Jeff couldn’t wait to see what the kid would look like when they had gotten him to a healthy weight.
Jared realised Jeff was looking at his stomach and he automatically tried to cover the bump up more. He loved his baby but a huge part of him still felt uncomfortable about being pregnant. His family had repeatedly called him a freak, told him it was unnatural and against god, and he knew that there were lots of other people who felt the same way in regards to male pregnancies and it left Jared feeling wary and nervous.
Jeff quickly picked up on Jared’s unease. “Relax, sweetheart.” Jeff smiled, reaching out to gently remove Jared’s hands from covering up his stomach. “ “You don’t have to hide, okay? You’re safe here. I know there are still some small minded people out there who think male pregnancies are wrong or whatever, but I can promise you that that is definitely not the case with me or Jensen. I won’t ever judge you or look down on you because you’re pregnant.”
Jared gave Jeff a small sad smile that just about broke Jeff’s heart. “You say that now but I'm sure there are lots of things that could change your mind. What about if my stomach got really big? Or when my chest changes to prepare for feeding the baby?”
“Trust me when I say none of that will bother me or change my mind,” Jeff promised.
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because I’m a carrier too.”
Jared’s eyes went wide in surprise. “You have a kid?” He hadn’t seen any evidence that would suggest a child was living in the house.
Jeff shook his head and a look of sadness and pain momentarily flickered across his face. “No.”
“Then how do you know you’re a carrier?”
“I was pregnant but I lost the baby.” Jeff sighed sadly, trying not to let the emotions from that time overtake him. This was about Jared not him. “I don’t know what it’s like to be your situation but I do know what it’s like to be pregnant and scared, so please believe me when I say that I won’t judge you or be disgusted by anything that happens with your pregnancy.”
Jared was stunned. He had no idea what to say. He heard the sadness in Jeff’s voice and a part of him wanted nothing more than to hug Jeff until it went away, but he wasn’t sure if that was right thing to do. The thought about what Jeff must of gone through when he lost his baby sent shivers through Jared. “I’m...I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay. It was a while ago now.”
“How far along were you when...”
Jeff swallowed hard. “Eight months.”
“God...Jeff that’s...I’m so sorry.” Jared ran a hand softly over his bump. “Do you...do you know what happened?”
“I promise I’ll tell you the whole story soon but right now we need to talk about you.”
Jared toyed with the edge of his T-shirt anxiously. “What about me?”
“I know it’s going to be hard for you to talk about, but if we want to have the best chance at keeping you safe then Jensen and I are gonna need to know exactly what we're up against, which means that it’s really important you tell us everything about your family and why you’re running, and about anything else that could effect your safety.”
Jared hunched his shoulders, making himself look even more scared and vulnerable. The thought of telling Jeff everything about his past and Jeff finding out just how useless and weak he is terrified Jared. What if Jeff decided he didn’t want someone like Jared in his house anymore? Jeff would probably be furious about wasting so much time on him, and Jared dreaded to think about how he would take that anger out.
“Jared, stop.” Jeff could tell that Jared’s mind had not gone to a good place, and the protective body language and fearful expression was the same look Jared always got when he was afraid Jeff or Jensen were about to turn on him. “You don’t need to be worried about how I’m going to react. There is nothing that you could tell me that will make me hurt you.”
Jared stood up from the couch and began pacing anxiously. “You...you say that now but...”
“It ain’t gonna happen, kiddo,” Jeff said firmly.
“I just...” Jared’s hand suddenly covered his stomach, his brow furrowing in what looked like pain.
“Jared?” Jeff quickly stood up, ready to reach out and steady Jared if needed. “You okay?”
“Yeah, I think so.” Jared smiled. “Baby’s just kicking really hard.”
Jeff gestured towards Jared’s bump. “Can I?”
Jared looked slightly unsure for moment but it seemed to pass quickly and he nodded, moving his own hand away so Jeff could replace it with his.
“Wow,” Jeff exclaimed when he felt the baby give a couple of big kicks against his hand. “That feels so amazing.”
“I think he likes you,” Jared said as the baby continued to move around.
Jeff chuckled. “Does he kick a lot?”
Jared nodded. “I think he likes to remind me he’s there.”
Jeff looked Jared in the eyes and stroked gently over his bump. “Then let’s do all we can to keep him safe, okay?”
Jared looked away momentarily but after taking a few deep breaths he looked back at Jeff and nodded. “Okay, I’ll tell you everything you want to know but can we wait for Jensen to get home first, I…I don’t think I could do this twice.”
“That’s fine, sweetheart.” Jeff leant forward and placed a soft kiss on Jared’s forehead. “And just remember that nothing you say is going to change how we feel about you.”
TBC...
Thanks for reading.