Clear Things Up
Everyone thinks that I am having my vacation from friends to get away from the drama, and all though that is part of it there are other factors. Drama is 25% of why I don't want to talk to anyone. I love being the person that people comes to when they have problems. It makes me feel good that people have someone to confide in and give them advice and I love to be that person. The thing that bothers me is that when I give people advice that would really really help them in any situation that it doesn't seem to stick to them. Yes it does help a lot of the time. Leigh you staying home from the wedding was a great decision and you saw why afaterwards. Max I have been telling you that you needed help outside of your friends and I think you agree it has helped. The thing that bothers me is that I can't tell you over and over what to do to help if it doesn't get applied to your life. Whats the point of three hour talks then. I will always tell you what I think is best for all of you, but I can't stand to sit back and watch people get hurt because they choose a different path. I may not know all the answers but I've been there at the begining of all your problems and know the answers you don't wan't to hear. I would never tell you "I told you so" but it has been on my mind everytime. You don't understand how nice it is to not have to answer the phone, not have to return texts, not to hang out with people. It's nice to not worry where your phone is, it's nice to veg out at home, see movies by yourself, save money on text messages. I haven't even listened to most of my messages because right now, it's nice to not care. I don't want to talk to anyone cause I'm in a mood that no one can fix and why would I drag myself somewhere where I will spoil the fun around me. I know people would say that going out will cheer me up but if you are already determined to have a bad time then that is what you'll have. People will tell me that I need my friends to cheer me up, but I don't....right now. I get cheered up watching movies I have been waiting to see but have not found time, I get cheered up drawing out thoughts on paper, I get cheered up driving to the beach by myself to chill on the farthest rock out in the ocean and smoke an H. Upman Cigar. I know all of you love me and I love you guys a lot more than myself, and that's why I think I need this time. I have put everyones feelings, emotions, and problems before my own, and I am happy to do it. But when something gets to full, you need to empty it. You need to detox. You need time to regroup. This is my rehab. I will be back to pat your back when you need it, listen to you bitch or cry, tell you what needs to be said that no one else will say. Paul and Leigh, I love you guys to death, and just so you guys know, I WILL NOT choose sides of this whole situation. Paul you are my best friend in the world and I've known you longer but I'm not going to take someones side because I love you both and because both of you have reasons and problems that are just as valid as the other. Max, you're my sidekick but I'm not going to bitch about certain things you do and have to give you a reason for why I handle different situations different ways... MY WAYS. My sensitive, nurturing way. I wouldn't kick someone while there down. Remember when Nicole gave you shit after the whole Maliabeth situation. You hated it and came to me. I am not one for tough love.
I am enjoying what I'm doing right now. I'll be back in a few days. I'm not being dramatic, I just like not having to answer to anyone or having to return calls or give useless advice if it's not going to be used. Everything that I have told everyone, you all know is the best thing for you. Think about the things that I have told all three of you. Just so you know it's not the three of you I'm not talking to. I haven't talked to anyone. I love you all more than you really possibly know. I would die for every single one of you in a second. Not a thought in my mind would stop me from driving any distance to help you out. Just stop for a second and look at the position I play in your lives and see if you would do the same as what I'm doing now. Maybe you all should do it. Think about it.
I am enjoying what I'm doing right now. I'll be back in a few days. I'm not being dramatic, I just like not having to answer to anyone or having to return calls or give useless advice if it's not going to be used. Everything that I have told everyone, you all know is the best thing for you. Think about the things that I have told all three of you. Just so you know it's not the three of you I'm not talking to. I haven't talked to anyone. I love you all more than you really possibly know. I would die for every single one of you in a second. Not a thought in my mind would stop me from driving any distance to help you out. Just stop for a second and look at the position I play in your lives and see if you would do the same as what I'm doing now. Maybe you all should do it. Think about it.