(no subject)

[kbecker06]

ok so i'm finally posting and i really dont know what to write...i dont want to bring anyone down but thats how i feel. i feel bad for being so down. i thought i was doing ok with garretts accident but for some reason i broke down today and i cant get it together now. i feel like i'm doing everything i can for garrett but i dont feel like i'm helping any i just feel helpless....then i feel horrible for being upset about stuff like drumline. i know its my own fault. i'm sort of unapproachable right now and i'm alienating myself i guess. i just feel alone and i know i shouldnt because i know i have people there. i just cant stop worrying about garrett. i love him so much. i cant get all the horrible images of him this past week out of my head. and to think he will be in the hospital another 2 weeks. then 3 months to recover and i'm already this drained. it will get better though. he has one more surgery tomorrow then he's done for a while i think. he starts rehab on tues. so he cant have visitors until 4:30 which is a problem with school and drumline. i feel like i let him down if i dont go and i thnk what if something happens and i dont go see him. i worry too much i know but i love him so much and i wish i could take all his pain away and just make this accident never happen. i cant though. it happened for a reason and i know its a miracle he's still with me and doing so incredible. he can call me sometimes and he's starting to look and even act more like garrett everytime i see him. i'm just ready for things to go back to normal...well atleast for him to come home.

sorry i'm such a downer i just needed to vent a little and sorry if i seem out of it. a few people have told me it seems like i'm not even there when they're talking to me and i apoligize. my heart and mind are completely with him all the time right now. i'm trying the best i can to juggle everything...