(no subject)

[kb_lil_sis]

I finially did it. I did the one thing I worried so much about doing and now it's done. I've fucked up the only good thing in my life. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I love him and he says he loves me and he won't leave me but I tried to leave him last night. Not because I wanted someone else or because I was unhappy I mean hell he treats me perfect he is the best thing in the world.. But I don't know my stupid head conveinced myself that he would be better off without me. So I tried to leave and we got into an argument... and today was just weird he's been gone all day on his day off he's kissed me ONCE and I had to ask for that. And I don't know what the fuck to do I love him and don't want to lose him. I just wish I could understand what the hell is going on in my head. I cry for stupid reason I can't stop thinking about stuff I shouldn't worry about and now the one thing I worry about the most... pushing him away.. I think I did. I don't know I don't know how to handle this I just wish I could erase what happened last night and start over. I mean hell I don't blame him who would want to stay with someone who is wanting to run away... I mean I want him to be happy and I just feel that he would be happier without me. As for me I would move back in with my parents and be miserable the rest of my life but atleast he would be happy and that's the only thing I've ever wanted. I love him with all my heart and that's why I don't understand WHY I keep fucking everything up. Who the fuck knows I just want to get a job and work my ass of if i'm working then I can't think and I can't fuck things up. I hate my life.. I hate the way I feel I just want to run but I have no where to run to.. no friends to talk to no place to stay I am locked out of my own parents house. and I don't know what to do. I hate this.. fuck it I will sleep my fucking life away..

Fuck life
Fuck you