(no subject)
Ever have that feeling that life is just out of your control? That no matter what you do it's going to end up however it's going to end up... I suppose that's called destiny to some people... to me it's called depressing. If I have some predetermined fate, then no matter how hard I work for something, I may never achieve it if that's not what is meant to be. But anyways, that's how I feel about the way my life is headed professionally speaking. No matter how hard I try to get a real job, no matter how much time I spend on my portfolio or how much I seem to impress people in an interview, someone else is always a better candidate than me. I suppose it's possible I'm aiming too high, but why aim for something I don't want? I don't want to settle for some lesser job, I don't want to start my professional life settling for something so-so because then I will just always accept something that's so-so instead of what I really want. Anyways, putting a whole lot of effort into getting a job and then still not getting it makes me highly unmotivated to keep trying, if I can't get a job after 3 months of trying, what says I"ll get one next month? or the next? I know I can't stop, cuz I gotta pay rent somehow, but these are not the happiest days of my life, I can tell ya that much.=